Considering a Plan

Writers: Avery
Date Posted: 28th April 2016

Characters: Zelah
Description: Xeladrie needs a moment of privacy away from her husband and babe, and reflects on how much she resents her current life.
Location: Sunstone Seahold
Date: month 5, day 9 of Turn 8
Notes: Mentioned: Rhosyn, Yriadha, Runnfreya, Bryvin

Zelah

Xeladrie had felt the need to get away from the watchful eyes of other
people building all day. It had felt like everyone in the Hold needed her
attention or approval, from her solicitous ladies in waiting who normally
were extremely helpful, but right now seemed stiflingly interested, to the
old aunties who wanted to give her endless streams of advice about babies
and children and how to raise Heirs, which was a fine set of thing for old
biddies of no real rank who didn't know anything about the life of the
Blood to spend their time opining on. If it wasn't them, it was
Headwoman's staff members who wanted to ask her opinion on something minor
like the food for the next sevenday or on the decorating style and if it
should change as the seasons were changing. Even when she thought she'd
find a moment of privacy by ducking into a room she hadn't thought anyone
would be in, the drudges who seemed to be absolutely everywhere were there
cleaning or preparing.

She'd finally found peace in one of the small rooms on the Hold's third
floor that were left generally unused. Some of them had been pressed into
use as a rough dormitory or as storage and working spaces after the
hurricane, when the Hold's population had briefly swelled with refugees
from devastated locations and with people working on coordinating the
relief efforts outwards. By now many of them were gone, and there was no
longer a space crunch, but the rooms that they had occupied hadn't all
been cleaned out and locked back up, which made it a good place to hide
for at least a candlemark's worth of peace and quiet and not being looked
at.

This room had been used to host people, so there was bunk beds along two
walls and a low table and two stuffed chairs by a window. She curled up in
the stuffed chair and stroked her hand along Glimmer's soft back, thinking
about the fact that she found caring for the young fire-lizard far less
frustrating than she found caring for Brylex. She had found needing to
continually feed the green so she didn't leave somewhat obnoxious,
especially with how disgusting the meat was. But having her babe attached
to her chest and sucking on it, and then pooping and needing burping, and
then fussing and screaming until he was settled, and then doing it all
again a few candlemarks later, was something she was enjoying even less
than that. In fact, she found she hated it, and him.

She was dreading the fact that soon enough the old auntie she'd convinced
to spend time watching the babe would probably come seek her out either
because he needed to eat or to make her pay attention to him because
"that's what mothers do", the woman would say with a sniff. If she heard
that phrase one more time, she was going to scream.

Not all mothers spent all their time with their children, coddling them in
a loving fashion and thrilled to spend time with them. Her own mother had
spent time with them as babies, but then she'd gotten pregnant with the
next one and been happy to let a fosterer take care of them. That was how
the Weyrs did it, if she remembered her conversation with the Weyrwoman
correctly. It wasn't common for all hold women, since they were expected
to be brood mares for their husband and to have as many children as
possible to repopulate the South. But for ones of the Blood, there were
other options, like having others tend your children so you had more time
for tasks.

Xeladrie suspected that had been more common before the plagues, back when
Lady Holders had had a significant measure of authority over the Hold,
rather than whatever their Lord Holder decided was women's work, able to
be trusted to their 'lesser' wives. Her mother hadn't been given much
authority over the Hold's domestic matters, but she'd had taken advantage
of paid nannies and tutors for the older children so she could spend more
time with the younger ones.

She had tried to take Runnfreya's advice about spending more time with the
baby so that she would find herself becoming closer to him. Unfortunately,
it seemed like the more time she spent with the child, the more she wanted
to run away from him. Bryvin didn't have the same obligations to spend
forever with the bratling, at least not yet. When the boy was older and
talking and could start learning his duties, then he'd probably take over
the care and training and then she'd be free..

If only there was a way to accelerate his aging so he'd be out of her hair
and under his father's hand to be shaped into the heir he wanted, Xeladrie
thought wistfully. Of course, then Bryvin would probably get another child
on her and expect her to take care of that one. So maybe there wasn't
really any escape from her fate after all. Given her mother's example,
couldn't she herself use them to spare her time with the younger ones, and
then she could pay more attention to them as they got older?

She wondered if she could convince him to give her more freedoms. Or
perhaps some responsibility in the Hold. Of course Yriadha was the
Headwoman and performed all of those duties. It reminded her of home since
her mother hadn't been much interested in the day-to-day domestic
management, preferring to let Turquoise Bay's own Headwoman handle it all.
Her mother had preferred the Blood obligations of tending to female
fosterlings, scheduling her husband's social calendars and gatherings of
other Blood individuals, and handling the kind of diplomatic discourse
between Holds that were "women's work, the kind of things we do for our
Lords to simplify their lives but they don't notice", her mother had once
described it as.

Not that she had spent as much time as she needed to learning those
skills. She'd always resented that her mother seemed to prefer either the
babies or the adolescent fosterlings to her own children of the in-between
ages. So she'd been petulant and skipped out on some lessons, in favor of
spending time pining after Elarie when she was gone and then caring for
Elarie after she'd come back. The end result was that, while she knew some
of what her mother did, she wasn't sure she could suggest it to Bryvin and
not get laughed at. With her young age would any other Lady Holders really
take her seriously, either? And Yriadha was stern and fierce, the kind of
woman who knew her position and loved exercising the authority she had.
Xeladrie couldn't really see her agreeing to hand over any of her given
responsibilities to the young Lady who hadn't worked to earn anything. Not
if only Xeladrie asked. Maybe she see if her husband would be willing to
intervene, to get Yriadha to train her in some tasks or concede some
aspect of management to her.

Even if it was simple work like coordinating the decorations and dinner
parties, it would have to be more enjoyable than sitting around the
ladies' solar with her embroidery and knitting, or tending the baby. She
didn't want to be his pretty trophy to be trotted out at Gathers or at
Hatchings, the source of his heirs, kept amused in certain regards but
otherwise useless. If she could have an event with other ladies maybe she
could learn what their husbands allowed them to do, and use that as a
basis for her appeal to Bryvin.

He'd been distracted from his good mood over their son's birth after the
damage of the hurricane and the efforts that had followed it. But now that
the worst had passed he seemed happier. So maybe she could suggest
something to give her a chance to meet the other women. Perhaps a
celebration that they had an heir? And it could be framed as a way of
showing Sunstone's strength and resilience? Yes, that sounded good.

"My lady? My lady!" echoed a voice down the hall outside.

Shards. There was the old biddy looking for her. Her son probably needed
feeding. With a grimace, the Lady Holder pushed herself out of her
comfortable chair to go answer her son's needs. **I need him well for
Bryvin to be happy,** she reminded herself. She'd leave Glimmer sleeping
in the sunlight. One of them should be enjoying themselves.

Last updated on the April 29th 2016

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Considering a Plan