Standing on a Precipice

Writers: Heather, Suzee
Date Posted: 1st March 2019

Characters: Saibra, R'enh
Description: R'enh tries to comfort Saibra after the hatchlings death at the Dragonsfall Hatching, but heightened emotions bring the couple to a broiling argument instead.
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 10, day 8 of Turn 9
Notes: Mentioned: Lanniya, Loella, Teseada, K'reyel
Immediately follows "Tragedy and New Life"

Saibra

R'enh

The air just outside of the Hatching Cavern was much cooler and for a
moment Saibra simply stood gulping in the fresh air as tears streamed
down her face. In all the Turns she had been with Chioneth never had a
dragonet died in one of the Hatchings. There had been some dud eggs
over the Turns, sure, but never had a dragonet not found their
lifemate.

R'enh didn't even think or say goodbye to N'vanik, he simply bolted
out of the stands when he saw her disappear. "Saibra, he called as he
ran down the passage. His arms went 'round her and he pulled her into
his chest. "Shhhh love," he tried to console her.

"R'enh," she sobbed into his neck as she fisted her hands in the front
of his tunic. Through her mental link with Chioneth she knew her
lifemate was conversing and calming the other newly Impressed
dragonets.

"You did everything right Saibra," he said to her. "There were plenty
of candidates on the Sands."

She froze. Candidates. Saibra's brain suddenly clicked back to the
conversation she'd had with Cyradis about the Sunstone drudge who
should have been a Dragonsfall Candidate but had lied and manipulated
her way to Dolphin Cove instead. **That was _her_ dragonet that cried
out for her lifemate and died alone.** A sudden rage and loathing
filled Saibra for the drudge she had never seen. More importantly, a
deep, unsettling guilt wedged its way into her heart. Guilt because
she had so easily agreed to allow the Candidate to stay at Dolphin
Cove instead of demanding she be returned to Dragonsfall territory.

"No, I didn't do everything right. If I had, that dragonet would be
alive," her voice was low and rough.

"You can't know that," he said with concern looking down at her.

"I let a Candidate stay at Dolphin Cove that should have been here.
What if that was the dragonet's lifemate?" The tears in her eyes now
were hot with anger.

"I can see you're angry," he nodded. "But who are you angry with?" It
wasn't her fault if the Candidate wanted to stay at Dolphin Cove. Of
course as a male he didn't always know exactly how to handle an angry
woman. Logic didn't always work and he didn't want that anger turned
on him. But he really thought she was punishing herself in her grief
over the loss of a dragonet.

"I'm angry at myself," Saibra's voice grew heated, "and at the stupid
little greenrider that Searched a Candidate from _Dragonsfall
Territory_."

"Yes, well," he tilted his lips in a mock smile. "You can't expect a
greenrider, especially a very young one, to have the judgment of a
bronzerider. There's a reason they're greenriders. We need them for
those reasons. And not one of us have the will power of a goldrider."

The goldrider ground her teeth together and then exhaled slowly,
trying to reign in the icy hot rage coursing through her veins. She
still had to put on a face and greet those attending the Hatching
Feast. "I don't want to go to the feast," she said, knowing she
sounded sullen, but shard it, she didn't have the energy.

"I know," he said and adjusted his position holding her. "And you
don't have to. Teseada and Lanniya can handle that part if necessary.
But what about that young woman you brought from Amber Hills who is
probably far more affected than you are."

Saibra reared back, stepping out of his arms, enraged again so much so
that she heard Chioneth's trumpet of indignation, "I'm sorry, did you
say _more_ affected than me? Was it her lifemate's daughter out there
begging for a lifemate and then dying? Was it the other part of her
heart? No. No, it wasn't!"

His eyes hardened for a moment. "No it wasn't but I also didn't hear
them in my head. Not like Lanniya. Did you see her face? I know you
heard it with your ears just like everyone else in the room. You
heard more through your lifemate. But you didn't hear _her_ begging.
Lanniya and the other HAD did." He lifted his hands helplessly, "All
I'm saying is there are others suffering as well as you. One of them
had no idea that could happen. You knew it was possible."

"Oh, I'm sorry, R'enh, when did you become Lanniya's weyrmate and
Loella's husband? Hm? I need you right now and all you can talk about
is everyone else! This is my moment of suffering!" she could feel her
voice rising to a shout. "All I needed was a moment, for ME, before I
had to be the Weyrwoman again! Poor pitiful Lanniya! Poor pitiful
Loella!" Saibra could feel Chioneth's link like a hot, searing brand,
"Those were my eggs! My dragonets! I'm so sorry they had to be a
_spectactor_ to it!"

R'enh eyes hardened even more. But he simply crossed his arms and
stood there waiting and not saying a word. Not a single thing he could
think of would make any difference to this tantrum. He'd seen these
kinds of things before and the wrong word at the wrong moment could
break things irrevocably. Since he loved her deeply he was more
concerned about that than her current state of mind. So, he chose to
keep his own opinions of her behavior to himself and ride out the wave
of her self pity.

There were more barbs that Saibra wanted to throw but she swallowed
them back as Chioneth told her that Erdenth had returned. She had told
K'reyel she would meet him in the Dining Cavern. There would be people
waiting. She brought both hands up to wipe her face, knowing that she
probably wouldn't be able to hide the splotchy redness around her blue
eyes. Not that she really cared at that point. She would do her job,
she would shake hands, she would support K'reyel as he had supported
her, and when it was all said and done she would go down to the creche
and hold her babies in her arms, which was really all she wanted to do
in that moment.

"I've got to go," was all she said.

He nodded. "Of course," he swept his hand toward the exit.

She studied him for a moment, wondering who the bronzerider was that
stood before her, because he didn't seem like her weyrmate. With
nothing left to be said she walked past him and left, hands smoothing
over her clothes as she went.

"I love you," he said as she left. Then he turned and went in the
opposite direction. It wasn't their first argument but it was the
first time she'd thrown such cutting words at him. He knew it grew
from the pain she'd been feeling yet it had also been incredibly
unfair. He decided that perhaps tonight would be a good night to find
N'vanik and get a bit drunk.

Last updated on the March 3rd 2019

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Standing on a Precipice