Comfort and Encouragement

Writers: Heather, Miriah
Date Posted: 6th April 2019

Characters: Thayde, Enamra
Description: Comfort and encouragement are necessary after a hard day
Location: Dolphin Hall
Date: month 10, day 16 of Turn 9
Notes: Mentioned: Jylanya
Takes place after "Unexpected Sibling Reunion"

Thayde

Enamra

~~~

Enamra left the infirmary wiping her eyes. Seeing her two younger
sisters, both laying so cold and lifeless had almost been more than
she could bear. Grief swelled with in her, for them and for her
father. True, he had run her off, but she had missed him sorely and
loved him. She thought of the three other siblings remaining, now
sleeping with full bellies and warm under the blankets that had been
provided. She had cared for them as long as she could remember, and
now the duty rested on her again.

She made her way numbly to her rock, but instead of sitting upon it,
slumped down into the sand of the beach. Jylanya had said they could
go to Harper classes and that little Mornem would need a foster
mother. What about her? She'd raised him since she he was just an
infant. She didn't know what to do. Maybe...maybe it was better if he
did go to a foster mother, but the thought of being separated from
them...again, hearing them cry for her...again, she didn't know if she
could take it. She loved her siblings. All of them. She had taken
care of them.

But...she wasn't a mother; she'd proven that. She hadn't wanted her
own baby and had given her away. A secret, awful guilt still plagued
her that she hadn't even seen her daughter and had spent the months
carrying her just resenting her very presence because of the way she
had come to be, from her own foolish notions. It hadn't been just
Doroon that had placed her there; she had helped the moment she had
allowed him to lift her skirts. No, she wasn't any sort of mother,
but she hoped in the deepest areas of her heart that she had done the
right thing when she'd given her daughter away.

She drew her knees up to her chest and rested her forehead against
her knees. She was supposed to take care of them, wasn't she? She was
the oldest. It was what was meant to do. But the month she had been
here, away from them, she'd actually felt free, even with the constant
work. Guilt gnawed at her for even thinking about it and she felt
older than she should. She knew other girls, even here, that laughed
and played and flirted with others. She had...once, but look at where
it got her. Maybe this...this was exactly what she deserved.

She gave a little sob and wrapped her arms around her knees.

"Enamra?" Thayde's voice was low and soft, his hand warm on her
shoulder. He'd heard about the arrival of her siblings, and there'd
been no reading lessons since then. Honestly, he'd been a little
relieved at the break, needing the space after he'd witnessed her
swimming the other night. While on his way to the infirmary he'd
spotted her slipping out of the Hall, obviously upset, and followed
her.

She didn't pull away as she might have before, instead she curled up
tighter, weeping softly. "I'm a horrible person, Master Thayde."

"Why do you say that?" his brow furrowed.

She lifted her head to look up at him, then bowed it again, sucking in
her lower lip as she tried to figure out what to tell him. She
sniffed, dropping her hand to the sand to swirl it into idle designs.
"I'm selfish." Her voice was barely audible. "I didn't want to be a
mother and I...I was really liking not having to take care of anybody
except me...and now I have to take care of my sisters and brother
again and part of me just wants to take care of me and be like other
girls. But I can't be." She stared down at the sand. "They need me and
I've taken care of them for as long as I can remember. Its my
responsibility. I'm the only mama that my little brother has ever
really known. But...I wasn't even ready to be a mother to my own baby
and then I gave her away and...Two of my sisters died cause I wasn't
there to take care of them..."

Thayde curled his arm around her shoulders in a sideways hug, leaving
her the opportunity to pull away if she needed to. "There's no shame
in wanting to be a young woman without responsibilities. Every person
your age should have that experience. If Jylanya finds them a foster
mother at the Weyr they will have all of the things you could never
give them before- plenty to eat, clothes, a dry place to sleep.
They'll be within walking distance whenever you want to visit."

"They're staying here. Jylanya said they could." She didn't move away
from the hug, and wiped at her eyes with the heels of her hands and
tried to speak through short hiccuping breaths. "They've already lost
Mama, now they've lost Papa too. And I feel horrible cause I ruined
everything."

"You didn't ruin anything, Enamra. If you had stayed it might be you
that died, and then your siblings would have no one." Thayde said
softly.

She finally looked at him, her eyes red-rimmed. "I don't know what I'm
supposed to do. They'll hate me if I send them away and I can't be
selfish when they need me so much."

"But you said they're staying here, right? So it's not really like
sending them away, is it?" The whites of her eyes were luminescent in
the moonlight.

She shook her head. "No. I can still see them every day."

"Then see? There's no need to feel as though you are abandoning them."

"Jylanya gave us our own room. The girls will get to do Harper classes
and Mornem wil be able to start once he turns 6. It'll be good for
them. But he has to stay with a foster mother during the day when I'm
working. " She sucked in her lower lip. " I guess, with them being
with me at night, I won't be able to study with you anymore. "

Thayde hadn't considered that, but it was a problem. He wanted Enamra
to continue her education so that she would never feel tied down with
her choices in life. "I could... come by your room while your siblings
are there," so tongues wouldn't wag, "if you wanted."

Enamra looked at him for a long moment before a quiver of a smile
touched her lips. "You've never been around alot of children, have
you? They wouldn't be quiet enough and my sisters can ask alot of
questions." She frowned and looked down at her knees. "No, I'm a
drudge and we don't need to know how to read. And it's my fault I'm a
drudge. I'll never be more than that. But they can be."

They were right back to square one, Thayde thought. Over the sevendays
since they'd known one another, Enamra had finally began to think that
she could have more in life, but the reappearance of her siblings had
taken away all of that progress. "There's nothing wrong with being a
drudge, it's an honest way to make a living, but no one should be
witheld an education if they desire one."

"And what would I do with one?" She asked. "My sister's can marry, my
brother can choose a craft, of he wants one. I know you say I could
craft, but..." She sighed. "I'm not smart enough for that. " She
looked up, her eyes finding the sea. "And then what would I do? All I
like to really do is swim. It's the one thing I'm really good at. "

"Dolphineers like to swim, you know." He offered. "Even if you don't
craft, learning to read is helpful to everyday skills. Not only that,
but the stories you read can take you anywhere, and let you be
anything."

She looked at him again, pulling her eyes from the waves. He'd
mentioned it before, being a Dolphineer, but she'd not given it
serious thought. Maybe... The thoughts were apparent in her eyes as
she began to think of Ada, how much she'd enjoyed swimming with her
and how she loved even the touch of their skin. "Uhm... how does a
girl like me do that? Become an apprentice? Could I swim everyday?"

"Well, first, you need to pass your basic harper classes." Thayde told
her, smiling at her question about swimming. "You will swim a lot,
usually not for fun, but for strength, endurance, and breath
training."

Her face fell. "Oh." Disappointment made her shoulders slump. It all
came down to the Harper classes. How could she do all of her chores
and do that too? Plus, the nagging certainty that she just wasn't
smart enough to finish Harper classes gnawed at her.

"I'm sure the Headwoman and Hallmaster would agree to giving you a
candlemark free every other day to attend lessons." Thayde said,
hearing the disappointment in her tone.

"Who'd be teaching me?" She glanced up at him. "Not you anymore?"

"Still me, at least that's how I would pitch it to them. I mean, that
is," he clarified, "unless you want one of the regular harper
teachers."

"But you're not a Harper." She trailed her finger through the sand.
"You're a Master Dolphineer." She sucked on her lower lip. "Would you
still want to teach me what I need to know?"

His mind drew unbidden images up of the way she'd looked the other
night, unclothed in the moonlight. "Yes, I would still teach you, if
you wanted."

She slowly nodded. "If you think I can do it." She looked up at him
and offered a little more of a smile. "I don't know much, but you
kinda already knew that."

When she was looking up at him like that and smiling it made his
throat feel bone dry. "You can do it, and I'll be there to help."

Enamra took a deep breath. "Okay. I'll ask Jylanya if I can do it. If
you think I can, Master Thayde."

"I think you can do anything you set your mind to, Enamra." Thayde
gave her a supportive squeeze.

Last updated on the April 12th 2019

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Comfort and Encouragement