What Do You See?

Writers: Heather, Suzee
Date Posted: 12th September 2019

Characters: J'lor, Saibra
Description: J'lor works through Saibra's weight anxiety.
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 12, day 24 of Turn 9
Notes: Mentioned: R'enh, Lanniya, K'yne

J'lor

Saibra

This time, J'lor didn't take the teapot off it's warmer until he heard
the door open to his office. "Good morning," he smiled.

Saibra had been marginally less nervous about going to J'lor's office
this time, but that still didn't mean that she _wanted_ to go. She had
tried to do what he asked, think about the things they had discussed,
and that had all spiraled down to her feelings of being undesirable.

"Good morning," she said, her sweater wrapped tightly around her as
she took the chair she had sat in last time.

"Tea," he asked and turned to bring her the cup along with a sweet
biscuit on a plate with some redfruit jam and a knife. He sat across
from her and took a moment to evaluate her body language and choice of
attire. He sat back with his own cup of tea and smiled. "So have you
thought about what we discussed?"

"I did, or at least, I tried," she answered as she accepted the tea
and curled her feet up beneath her.

"That's good," he said with a lilt. "You're a very organized person or
you wouldn't be a Weyrwoman," he said. "So it must puzzle you a little
how this might have happened. Do you have any thoughts on it?"

"How... what might have happened?" she asked. "Why everyone suddenly
thinks I'm too skinny?"

Realizing how deeply her emotions were engaged in this issue neither
his smile or voice conveyed any judgment. "Yes," he said with a
simple nod. "Why do you think they seem to have this opinion?"

Saibra shrugged and placed her tea cup down in favor of chewing on her
thumbnail. "R'enh says I'm flat and that my breasts have went on
vacation."

"An unfortunate turn of phrase," said J'lor. "I'm sure... what have
others said?"

"K'yne declined my advances," she forced herself to say. It had been
easy to tell Lanniya but Saibra's pride as a woman made it more
difficult to tell the good looking mind healer. "He commented on how
skinny I looked. Lanniya thinks I have lost too much weight, too. I
told Lanniya that I just don't see what everyone else sees. When I
look in the mirror I don't look that skinny."

"Well there is a very old Harper saying. something about beauty being
in the eye of the beholder." He spread his hands and looked at her
seriously. "You know what that means right?"

"Yes," Saibra picked at the skin around her fingernails. "But how do I
fix what I see?"

"Alright," he nodded. "Can you tell me what you see?"

"What don't I see?" She muttered. "These much too wide thighs," she
gestured, "the loose skin around my stomach, the roundness of my face
and neck."

"But that's not what I see," J'lor said gently as he regarded her.
"What I see are your incredible eyes and luxurious hair. Full lips,
you're very thin," he smiled as he said it, "and wouldn't fill my
arms. I don't like to feel both my elbows when my arms wrap around a
woman." He smiled. "I am guessing but maybe R'enh feels the same and
just doesn't quite know how to say it?"

A light blush stole across her cheeks. It felt good to be
complimented, especially by someone who wasn't obligated. "Maybe. It
doesn't seem like me and R'enh know how to say anything to each other
any more." She picked at her nails again. "I would like to eat more,
really, but... I can't. I try and it just comes right back up."

"That can happen when you're close for a long time and know each other
very well. Perhaps we should talk as a group at some point," he said.
"But your inability to eat is linked to your feelings about how you
look. Some of that can be alleviated by reducing your anxiety. The
tea you're drinking is special to help with anxiety. Why don't you
take a nibble of that biscuit and we'll see if it helps."

The tea _was_ really good, Saibra conceded to herself, having drunk
nearly the entire cup without noticing. She picked up the pastry next
and nibbled lightly on it. The fruity flavor was nice, she thought,
even as her stomach twisted as it tended to do when she tried to eat.
She forced another bite of it, and another, finding that it didn't
immediately come back up the way some foods did. "It's not so bad,"
she said.

"Good," he nodded. Then he reached over to the table beside him for a
small bag. "This is the tea," he said. I'd like you to drink a cup
before each meal or whenever you're feeling difficulties with the way
you see yourself," he said. "I would also like you to stay away from
your mirror for a whole day and listen to people looking at you and
what _they_ see. Do you think you can do that?"

Stay away from her mirror? Saibra knew that would be a difficult task;
she looked in her mirror several times a day as she walked by it in
her weyr. She would have to cover it up, she decided. "Okay, I will
do that." She took the bag of tea from him.

"Great," he smiled and stood. "Day after tomorrow, same time?"

"Yes, I'll see you tomorrow," Saibra said as she stood. This time she did not dread returning to see J'lor as much. She was beginning to think that, perhaps, the bluerider really could help her.

Last updated on the September 23rd 2019

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What Do You See?