Tension Talk

Writers: Miriah, Yvonne
Date Posted: 10th January 2020

Characters: Taril, Humari
Description: Tension and distance only increases with the couple.
Location: Sunstone Seahold
Date: month 13, day 25 of Turn 9

Humari

Tumaril snuggled deep in his own blankets, his arms wrapped around
the little dolphin toy that had rapidly become his favourite. Humari
drew the blankets up to his chin, brushed a kiss over his brow, and
then rose, tugging her sleeping robe around her. Stepping out of his
room, she drew her braid over her shoulder and began loosening it,
then looked up to see Taril waiting on her.

Dinner had been tense, full of unspoken words and questions that
they'd made an effort to refrain from in their son's presence, but
even Tumaril had noticed the unusual quietness between his parents and
had gotten cranky, only alleviated when he'd gotten his bath. Now
that he was almost asleep, Humari knew that she had her husband had
much to discuss. Without speaking, she moved to the small cabinet,
withdrew a small beaker, and poured not one, but two small glasses
of golden liquid. She handed one to Taril and faced him. "You've
been very quiet. "

"So have you." He sipped the liquor absently, watching Humari as he
did so. She looked... unhappy. Taril knew he was probably the cause,
and he didn't know what to do about it.

"I suppose that I really don't know what to say," she admitted softly.
She sat on the couch cupping the drink in her palms, then took a quick
sip. "We need to talk, but I don't know where to start or what we need
to say."

Taril looked uncomfortably at the floor. "I'm sorry. About all of this."

"I know." She moved to sit down on the couch and patted the space
beside her. "But your mother said you probably thought you were doing
what you thought was the best thing for me." She took a deep breath.
"But...why didn't you trust me? Why didn't you just tell me?"

He took a deep breath. This was a conversation he'd dreaded, and now
it was happening. "I... look at me, Humari. There aren't many woman
who would even look at me. And then you came along, and I wanted..."
he trailed off. "I wanted you to... not hate me."

She blinked slowly up at him, her brow furrowing. It took a moment for
her to find the right words. "What makes you think I would ever hate
you, Taril? I have never hated you. Not ever. I don't think I could
ever hate you. You could have hated me when you found out the truth
about me on our wedding night, but you didn't. You could have tossed
me out, divorced me, or put me aside easily. You had the right to. But
you didn't. We didn't start out great, but I grew to love you. I still
love you."

His lips twisted into a bitter smile. "But despite that... and because
of it, you're a good person, Humari. And I'm... my mother is from the
coast. The coast can be a hard place, compared to the Hold. And... I'm
not a good person."

That brought an immediate frown that made her stiffen. "You're good to
me. You're a good father. That's what I care about. And, you love me
and Tumaril... don't you? I don't understand why you think you're a
bad person." She paused, then exhaled, suddenly draining the glass in
her hand with an uncharacteristic jerk of her hand. "Would you sit
down, Taril?"

Obligingly he set his crutch aside and lowered himself onto the couch
opposite where Humari sat. "If you know what I've done, you can't
unknow it," he said quietly.

"I know about the smuggling, Taril. I saw your books, looked over
them every day and figured it out a long time ago. And the ship that
carried us back here? It's not a regular ship. It's too fast and too
light to carry profitable cargo, plus the sailors weren't like the
ones I've seen. They were more..." She searched for the right words,
"intense, I guess. And people started treating me different when I
married you. Whispers, looks, quick to try to make me happy or
please me at the market, that sort of thing. Then when mother tried
to take me, Bortem was afraid of you and mentioned that you weren't a
regular merchant." She liked down at her glass. "I'm not stupid,
Taril."

Taril managed a small smile. Of course she had. And who knew what else
she'd figured out after spending that much time with his family. "Red
Tide Rocks used to be a fairly poor seaholding. We got by fishing, but
there's only so many marks you can make with fish. So we've always..."
He shrugged. "Our family's fleet sails under two different flags. One
for honest work, and one for piracy. We've killed a lot of people over
the Turns."

Humari fell silent for a long moment, staring at her glass, recalling
certain events that had occurred while she was at Red Tide Rocks. She
realized that Taril's family must have purposefully shielded her from
many of the activities that must have gone on, but there were little
signs...bustling activity at night on the docks, the fast ships she'd
seen, the one she'd sailed on, the keen interest in teaching Tumaril
the family trade, the quiet conversations and looks when she'd been
present. It all fit and his admission somehow wasn't surprising.

She rose to pour another glass, then returned to the couch. There was
a question that immediately came to mind, one she had to know. "We?"
Her voice was soft. "You've killed?"

"I'll do what it takes to protect my family. We all do. Part of that
is making sure that people know that there is a high cost to striking
at us." He hesitated. "And I'm crippled. I can't even walk without a
crutch. It would be easy for people to think that I'm the weak link in
the family, so I made sure that I'm not."

He hadn't denied it. Humari stared at her glass, trying to absorb
that information. But in his words there was also the determination
that he would protect her. Would he kill to protect her? A secret
little thrill shot through her at the thought, followed by a muted
silent horror that she would even feel that way. The took a sip of
her drink, then quietly shifted another question. "The person that
hurt me... the one that attacked me... is he dead?" Another thought
came to her and her eyes shot upwards to meet his. "The
beastcrafter... did you..."

This was the part he'd dreaded. When she'd turn away from him, scared.
Or worse, disgusted. When he'd confirm that he was exactly the sort of
man that he looked like on the outside. At least his brothers, his
father-- their good looks left them something to hide their nature
behind. Not him. Taril couldn't meet her gaze. "I thought you were
going to die," he said softly. "I was angry. And Tumaril-- I couldn't
make him stop crying, I couldn't fix you."

Her eyes closed at the confirmation. Her fingers trembled around her
glass and before she could think further, tears began slipping down
her cheeks. She gave a quick breath, one hand lifting took cover her
face. For long moments there was nothing but tears, but then she spoke
through soft hiccuping sobs. "Good. Good. He took my baby from me.
My baby is gone because of him. I'm glad. My baby..."

She hadn't run. She should have. Taril reached out tentatively to take
her hand, hating that she was crying but not knowing how to comfort
her.

The gesture of comfort drew her immediately. With a soft cry, she
took his hand, dropped her own half- filled glass on the floor, and
then crossed the space between them. She didn't hesitate in crawling
onto his lap to bury her face in his neck, wrapping her arms tightly
around him. It wasn't just her child she wept for, she also wept for
the loss of innocence regarding who he was, her fears that had
developed since, and the pain they'd both endured.

Taril wrapped his arms around her and held her tight, his own throat
thick with tears. "I love you," he whispered over and over, the words
raw and helpless. Because she could still leave. She could take his
secrets and tear down his family, and there was nothing he could do
except have faith that she wouldn't.

It was a long time before the tears stopped, but stop they did, ending
in soft sniffles. The grief she carried was still painful, but it's
violent release had done much to ease the deeply buried pain that had
festered. Now exhausted, she lay limply in his arms, face pressed
against his tear-soaked tunic. Tucked against him, she let one arm
curl against his chest as she listened to the heartbeat under her ear
and allowed his tight embrace to offer comfort.

Humari didn't ask about the man who had tried to kill her. If Taril
had taken care of the beastcrafter, she'd no doubt he'd probably found
the other man as well. While the thought disturbed her, she
surprisingly felt safer knowing that she wasn't at risk from him. Then
a thought came, a very disturbing thought. Her brother Yarmel. Shortly
after he'd attacked her, he'd been found...No. She didn't want to
know. She wouldn't ask. She would never ask about him. "You're
dangerous." Her voice was soft, but raw. "But you wouldn't hurt me or
Tumaril, would you?" It was more of a statement than a question.

"You're my family," he said quietly. "I'd never-- I'd never
intentionally hurt either of you." It pained him to say it like that,
but Taril was wary of empty promises now.

She nodded slowly, then another thought occurred to her. "And
Tumaril...you'll teach him these things?"

"I hope I won't have to. But he'll inherit Red Tide Rocks some day
after I'm gone. And he'll need to be ready to keep our family safe,
too. He'll be the one responsible for all of us."

"Oh." The thought of her son, her sweet, giggling son, doing violence
of any kind chilled her. Her dismay showed on her face as she sat
slowly up. Her inner pragmatism told her that it was simply the way of
life her son would be expected to follow if he was to lead Red Tide
Rocks and there was little as a woman that she could do to stop that
sort of education. But she didn't have to like it and she certainly
didn't want to know how it was done. All she could do, she realized,
was to temper it without contradicting Taril's teaching. And what
about other children? Other sons? What about the daughters? What would
they be taught? "I guess it'll be necessary." She wiped at her eyes.
"I'm tired. I think I'm going to bed."

"All right." Taril hesitated. There was a strangeness between them, some new territory that their talk had uncovered, and Taril didn't know the path through it. It felt a bit like it had on their wedding night, when they'd been strangers and unsure of each other. "I can sleep out here tonight. I'll... see you in the morning."

She stiffened, surprised and despite feeling a little relieved that he wouldn't be expecting immediate intimacy from her, she was a little hurt and insulted that he felt it necessary to sleep away from her. She would have liked to at least sleep in his embrace again. No longer feeling a sense of comfort from his arms, but feeling a growing sense of distance instead, she rose from his lap. "If that's what you want. I'll have breakfast ready for you in the morning. Good night." She walked away, arms tight around her middle as she made her way to the bedroom.

It wasn't what he wanted. Taril watched her go helplessly, then sat with his head in his hands to pick through his words and regret saying them all.

Last updated on the February 1st 2020

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