Bear This Burden

Writers: Heather, Miriah
Date Posted: 4th December 2020
Series: The Hallmaster's Ladies

Characters: Thayde, Enamra
Description: Thayde receives Jalodwyn's resignation and he's not happy - and neither is Enamra!
Location: Dolphin Hall
Date: month 7, day 26 of Turn 10
Notes: Mentioned: Jalodwyn

Thayde

Enamra

Thayde was still working over in his mind how he was going to tell
Enamra about his decision to bring Jalodwyn to Dolphin Cove. He feared
how the gossip mill would run with the information that his mistress
and illegitimate child were back. It would be hard for Enamra not to
hear those rumors and be affected by them.

"Enamra -" he said, laying down his fork. He was interrupted, however,
by the appearance of a blue firelizard and a pair of rank knots. Brow
furrowed, Thayde opened the note pinned to the knots, read it quickly,
and then slammed the knots down on the table with a force that rattled
the dishes.

"That shaffin' hard-headed woman!" he cursed uncharacteristically.

Enamra had lifted her eyes questioningly to her husband, but the
appearance of the blue flit startled her. Bolo, peered excitedly at
the little blue and cheeped, but the moment Thayde slammed his hand
down, he peeped and disappeared quickly. Enamra yelped, her fork
clattering to the table as she jumped. "What?" She sputtered as she
quickly picked up a glass and moved to grab a towel to mop up spilled
water. "What was that? What's wrong?"

"I ordered Jalodwyn to transfer back to Dolphin Cove and she resigned
instead. These are hers." Thayde looked at the offending shoulder
knots in disgust as he picked up the note once again, as if hoping he
had missed a line in the letter.

"You did _what_?" Enamra's jaw fell open in shock and a bit of anger.
"You want her back here?" She spluttered, "but...Why, Thayde? After
everything she did, you want her to come back?"

"It's not that I _want_ her back," Thayde clarified, tossing the note
down again as he looked at Enamra. "They weren't going to let her
partner with a dolphin, or ever gain the rank of Master, or have any
substantial duties at Jade Harbor, because of her reputation and
because of what they call her 'bastard baby' and.... That's my fault,
Enamra. I didn't lose my craft over what happened so I would feel
guilty if she did." He shoved his fingers through his hair, pulling
the strands back from his eyes. "If she's here I can at least make
sure that she's given fair work assignments and a fair shot at being a
Master."

"And you can see the baby. You could send her to Topaz or even
Sunstone. Why here?" Enamra answered quickly. They'd lost their own
and she'd not gotten with child again after the loss, despite her
stopping the teas.There was another thought, an ugly thought. **When
did you decide to do this? Before or after I was Searched?** She rose
from the table, picking up her plate and tossing her food out. At
first she'd wanted Thayde to take responsibility for his child, but
not if Jalodwyn had to come too! "Well, then I guess you don't have to
worry about it now if she's resigned."

"As a Hallmaster, I cannot accept a talented dolphineer quitting when we need them. If I sent her somewhere else she will be treated the same way, as a woman who had a child out of marriage." He paused for a moment, debating whether he should say it or not. "They're calling my daughter a 'bastard baby,' Enamra, no child deserves to be raised that way."

Enamra fell quiet as Thayde gave his reasons. She'd experienced much of what Thayde was describing, but she hadn't kept her child; Jalodwyn had. "The way I was treated by the drudges and some of the people here, you mean." She spoke quietly, still upset, but unable to deny the similarities. She looked away, mouth tight. She honestly didn't care that Jalodwyn had resigned; she wanted her to stay away. The thought of seeing her, knowing what they'd done together and that they had a baby together was painful. How long had he been thinking of this? When had he decided he wanted the child? But, it was his decision, not hers. "Do what you feel you have to then. "

Thayde walked over to Enamra and put his hands on her shoulders. "Enamra," his voice softened.

"You make the decisions for the Hall, not me. I'm not even an apprentice yet." Enamra looked away, not meeting his eyes. She rose and felt his hands fall away. "I'm not hungry. I'm going to bed. "

"I am not trying to make a decision for you, Enamra. I am just asking you not to be mad at me. I am just trying to make the right decisions." Thayde said to her retreating figure.

"It's not a decision that's up to me or mine to make," she replied, looking over her shoulder. "If this is about the Hall, then it's up to you, isn't it?"

"I am just asking you not to be mad at me," he repeated. "Don't think this is something I plotted about or that I desired in some way for Jalodwyn and Jalotha to be here. H'riv came to me and said that life was miserable for them at Jade Harbor and I that was to blame for that. This felt like the least I could do to fix it."

Enamra was quiet for a moment. "I'm not mad."

Thayde wasn't sure he believed her. "You're not?"

She didn't know how to describe what she was feeling. It wasn't mad or sad, just....resigned. "No. I'm not. "

"I'm not trying to hurt you either," Thayde said. "I love you, Enamra."

"I love you too. I just wonder if have really thought about what's going to happen when she gets here. "

"There will be rumors, I'm certain, about her return. That will be hard for you, hard for me, and hard for her. But we'll just continue life, the way we have been living it these past few months, and over time the rumors will die down and other things will happen to capture people's attention." What Thayde really wanted was for his wife to be able to shoulder this, even though he knew it wasn't fair, but she was young, sixteen he reminded himself, and it was a big thing he was asking of her.

She didn't think it was going to be that easy. Even thinking about Jalodwyn and what she and Thayde had done hurt; the memory was still clear in her mind. And now, there was a child. Thayde's baby, who would be nearby. She didn't think it would be that easy at all.

Last updated on the December 7th 2020

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