You're Safe

Writers: Estelle, Miriah
Date Posted: 3rd January 2021
Series: The Assassin's Husband

Characters: Lorican, Lusilk
Description: Lusilk reunites with Lorican
Location: Sunstone Seahold
Date: month 8, day 11 of Turn 10

Lusilk

As soon as she'd rested and met with the Healer to confirm her
suspicions, Lusilk moved quietly through the Hold and into the crafter
areas. What Bryvin had told her, that Lorican and Silgan were here,
astounded her; it had been the last thing she expected. Certain that
she'd not see her son again for turns, if not ever, she hadn't been
able to resist peeking in on the creche, just to look at him.

She'd not approached, not yet, but the sight of her son, talking and
laughing with Bryvin's son and another dark haired boy had brought a
stinging to her eyes. He was talking. He was happy. But still, she
didn't allow him to notice her. Not yet. What had he been told? The
fact that he was here and so was Lorican, who apparently _did_ believe
her to be dead, made her hesitate. Had he told Silgan? Had he
approached his Weyrhealer to rebuild what they'd had? It was possible.

Spotting the forge and noting the dimming light of Rukbat as it set,
her footsteps were quiet before she stopped and peered inside. Lorican
was there, his back to the entrance, seated at a workbench and
apparently engrossed in some design he was sketching. Lusilk's lips
lifted; it wasn't the first time she'd seen him thus, though the last
had been far less amusing than it was now.

She slipped in quietly, spotted a bar of long, thin metal and crept
behind him until she was a scant footfall away. She laid the bar
across his shoulders and spoke quietly. "Didn't you learn last time,
Lorican? Don't leave your back exposed."

He drew in a sharp breath at the touch of the cold metal and the sound
of the voice that he recognized instantly. A voice that had once haunted
his nights, that he would have known anywhere and he'd never thought to
hear again. Heart pounding, unsure if he was dreaming again, he
staggered from his chair and turned to face her with wide, astounded
eyes. "_Lusilk_?"

She stood there, arm strapped carefully in a fresh sling, looking at him
and taking in his expression. A bloom of warmth that she hadn't expected
filled her chest, even as she studied his face. It looked thinner,
more drawn and there were shadows under his eyes that surprised her.
"Hello, Lorican." Her voice was soft and she put down the bar of metal;
it was as though her hands moved on its own as it lifted and she touched
his cheek.

"I thought you were dead," he said, wonderingly. "I heard - what
happened at Beryl Peak Hold - that there was a fire..." Then he was
enfolding her in his arms, only the sight of the sling keeping him from
tightening his grip on her, burying his face in her hair, convincing
himself by touch as much as sight that she was real. "Lusilk, you - you
impossible madwoman! How did you ever get here? Lord Bryvin told me..."
He caught himself, remembering. The Lord Holder had told him he'd done
what he could for her, and that was not something a wise man would
repeat where he could be overheard.

For a moment, she let herself bury her face into his shoulder and
closed her eyes as his arms wrapped around her. The embrace wasn't been
something she'd expected to feel again; she could admit privately that
she'd missed him. Her good arm wrapped around his waist and gently
squeezed before she lifted her head to look at him. "I arrived the night
before last. It took a few sevendays." Her voice lowered to a careful
whisper. "I owe Lord Bryvin my life. I didn't know you'd be here. I
thought that you'd be still at Barrier Lake or would have gone back to
Dolphins Cove. Lorican... we need to talk..."

"Mama!!!" An excited cry erupted as Silgan appeared at the forge
entrance, accompanied by a creche worker who had been bringing him back
to Lorican for the evening. Lusilk spun in Lorican's arms as Silgan
rushed forward, arms out. "You're home! You're home!"

Lusilk quickly crouched and caught her son in an embrace, hiding a
grimace as he clutched at her shoulders. But there was a relieved smile
on her face as she held her son close. "That's right. I wouldn't miss
your birthingday, now would I?"

Silgan beamed up at Lorican. "See, Da? She came home! Mama always comes
home!"

Lusilk looked up at Lorican. They both knew how close it had been that
she'd not come home.

"Aye, you were right. She found her way back to us." Lorican thought of
all the times he'd so nearly told Silgan that his mother would not be
returning, all the excuses he'd made to himself to wait a little longer,
and suppressed a shiver. Thank the Egg for that.

He nodded in thanks to the creche worker, who smiled as she departed,
and gave Lusilk a meaningful look. "And Mama won't be going away again
for a long time. Will she?"

The things she wanted to say couldn't be said in front of Silgan. Not
yet. Looking up at Lorican, Lusilk rose, her hand clasping her son's.
"Hmmm," she made a noncommittal acknowledgement, neither agreeing or
disagreeing with Lorican. "Why don't you show me where you're living now?"

Letting Silgan pull them both to their new home, Lusilk smiled as her
young son chattered happily and openly about his new friends, their new
home, and how much he loved Lorican's new forge. She had to admit,
upon entrance to their quarters, that Bryvin had given them very
comfortable and well appointed quarters, above what a normal journeyman
smith's family would have been allocated. She felt a tension growing
between herself and Lorican, as the evening continued, but Silgan, happy
and excited to have her home, didn't notice.

It wasn't until after she got him settled into bed and emerged into
what was to be the shared main bedroom that she felt the tension thicken
even more. They had so much to discuss and decisions to be made.

Lorican was sitting on the bed, where he'd been listening to the soft
murmur of her voice as she spoke with Silgan, and thinking of what she
must have done over the past sevendays, what she must have suffered. Her
arm was obviously injured and from the way she moved there were other
hurts. He looked up as she entered, his gaze more cautious than it had
been at first.

"I told everyone that you had gone to your relatives, that there was
sickness and you were needed. Lord Bryvin knows, of course, and the
Headwoman." He glanced at the sling. "It looks as though you've seen a
Healer, too."

She nodded and looked down at her sling. "Broken collarbone. A few
cracked ribs. My leg got a little singed too." She sat down beside him
on the bed. "Traveling wasn't easy," she admitted, "and once I got
here, I just needed to rest." She looked at him then. "But it's over.
You're safe. Silgan's safe."

"You're safe." All the grief and the strain he'd felt since he'd first
heard the news from Beryl Peak was released in those two words. He took
her free hand in his. "I won't ask what you did. You don't have to say.
All that matters is that you don't have to do it any more."

Her mouth opened, then closed before she could refute his assumption.
She owed Bryvin and eventually, he'd call in that debt. But it wasn't
worth it to point that out. Not yet and not if what she was about to
ask was answered how she expected. Lusilk looked down at his hand
holding hers. "Lorican..." His fingers were wound against hers, not she
didn't withdraw them. She spoke quietly. "Silgan's safe. You did
everything you promised to do. No one is chasing you anymore." She
looked up at him, meeting his gaze. "You married me to protect him.
He's protected and has sanctuary here. You can go back to your
Weyrhealer now, I know you still love her and she's who you wanted the
entire time, who you were protecting even though it hurt you. I'll
accept and understand a divorce so you can be with her. "

Lorican listened to her, his thumb gently stroking the back of her hand,
and as she spoke his eyes grew wider. Divorce had been rare in the Holds
and Hall where he'd spent most of his life, and a source of great shame
to the wife. He remembered how Urlene had spoken of it, and understood
what he was being offered. She would sacrifice her own reputation for him.

"Lusilk, I married you to protect Silgan, it's true," he said slowly,
feeling his way. "I did it because he deserves to grow up without fear,
to have a home, friends, a life he chooses. I love him as if he was my
son by blood. But I also did it because I care for you. I didn't realize
how much until I thought you - that you were gone..."

His voice choked, and he had to take a deep breath, then another. "I
know you might not feel the same way about me. There's no reason why you
should. A simple, blundering craftsman... If you want a divorce, I won't
stand in your way. And there's something I have to tell you, about
Dolphin Cove, before you decide. But if after that, if there's a chance
that you might want to make a life together, it would be a greater
happiness to me than I know how to say."

"Lorican, if you were only a simple, blundering craftsman, I wouldn't
have said yes to you when you asked me to be your wife, Silgan or no."
Lusilk's reply was quick even as she squeezed his hand. "A blundering
man couldn't have protected him. You're one of the most honorable men
I've ever met and I did take advantage of that when I said yes. I knew
you would keep to your word. I know you'll always try to do the right
thing, but that's not who _I_ am. You know what I am and what I've
done. Whatever you have to tell me, it'll be ultimately your choice on
what's to be done." She studied him, her face serious. "I have to
admit, I do care for you. I enjoy your company and your companionship."
He made the world seem a little less grim and a little more hopeful. The
little life that had nestled itself firmly inside of her deserved a
father like him, but she wouldn't use it to sway him even though she
knew she could. "What is it?"

"I went to Dolphin Cove, before I came here to Sunstone, to see the
Weyrhealer," Lorican said, his voice low. "My Hall transferred me from
the Weyrhold because they thought I'd behaved badly to her, and if I
look at it from her perspective, I did, even though it was done for her
safety. I wanted to make things right, or at least to begin, if I could.
But that wasn't the only reason."

He took a breath. "We have a son together. I didn't know until very
recently, when I found out by chance. I said nothing to you because I
thought it couldn't make any difference, that I'd only endanger him by
speaking of it. But at Dolphin Cove, she allowed me to meet him. He's a
beautiful little boy, Lusilk. I loved him as soon as I saw him." For a
moment, his voice cracked and he could hardly speak. "She's found a
family for him, for both of them, at the Weyr. I can't interfere with
that. I can't disturb her peace. But I do feel it's my duty to support
him, to be as much of a father to him as I can, and it will be as long
as I live. I know it could make things difficult for you, that there
might be gossip. I wanted you to know before you decide. Before we decide."

She listened quietly, absorbing the information. Her face revealed
nothing of her thoughts at first as she digested it. She spoke slowly.
"Lorican, I had a son out of wedlock. Look at who I am. Do you
honestly think that I care about gossip? Do you think after you caring
for my son that I would object to you caring for your own? Of course you
will. It's who you are. " Lusilk sighed then, hearing the hurt in his
voice. "I'm sorry that what we had to do caused this. I know you'd
rather be there with her. I'd hoped for different, for your sake. " She
tightened the grip on his hand. "I didn't want to sway your decision,
but it appears to have been made already, so..." She sat straight,
inhaled, and took his hand to lay it on her lower belly, pressing it
flat against a small, barely noticeable bulge. "We'll make this work
between us."

Lorican's mouth fell open as her gesture, as much as the slight rounding
of her belly, told him all he needed to know. Astonishment soon gave way
to sheer delight. "You're with child? Our child? Faranth's egg, Lusilk,
that's wonderful news!" He moved to embrace her, then stopped in sudden
consternation, looking at the sling. "You were with child when you -
when they..."

"I didn't suspect until after I'd escaped, nearly a sevenday after."
Lusilk spoke quickly. "They never beat me in my stomach." She had
curled up into a ball during the beating, taking the blows on her
hips, ribs, back and shoulders. plus one blow to the face before she
managed to cover her head. The bruises were still fading and her hard
travelling on runnerback hadn't encouraged swift healing. "One of the
Healers confirmed it shortly after I arrived."

His arm slid around her waist and he drew her close, careful of hurting
her. Lorican had to firmly suppress the outrage he felt at her
treatment. It was surely against charter law to beat an unresisting
prisoner, no matter what they were accused of, but there was nothing to
be done. "Then you must rest now, and do exactly as the Healer tells
you. If he tells you to stay in bed, or swallow foul-tasting medicines,
then you're going to do it. If I'm ever going to use my authority as
your husband, it's for this." He rested his cheek against her hair. "Let
me take care of you now."

"Authority as my husband? You might want to think again." There was
little bite to her words. Was she really doing this? As she was gently
pressed to his side, Lusilk considered the life that she was being
offered. She'd never thought, when she'd agreed to marry him, that the
marriage would stick, that it would be lasting, or that she'd bear him
a child. It had been a means to an end, something to protect her son.
Despite having shared a bed with him for a sevenday, having his arms
around her each night, this embrace felt different. She didn't know
how to respond to someone who actually wanted to care for her or to
take care of her with open affection; it was foreign to her
experience.

Married. He was a good man and a good lover. Silgan loved him and it
had been far too late to rid herself of the child she carried by the
time she'd arrived, but she'd never really considered it seriously.
Could she honestly let him care for her? Allow that sort of openness
and affection? What would the plan be? She felt a little lost now that
she'd achieved her end goal. What would she do with herself? As her
mind worked, she felt his head resting against her own and felt
warmth. "I don't know how."

"We'll work it out." He turned his head, gently kissed her forehead.
"Together. Now we have time." Then he raised a hand to cup her cheek,
and his lips met hers. Their separation and the still-new understanding
between them made him tentative at first, but there was growing passion
in his touch.

His affection was close to making her uncomfortable and uncertain how
to respond to it. The initial week of their marriage had been one of
passion, fulfilling mutual desires and if she was completely honest, a
certain amount of repressed lust between the two of them that she'd
thought was likely to be brief. This was different. This kiss was
hesitant and felt tender. So, she latched on to what she knew, the
growing sense of passion in the kiss. She welcomed it's familiar
flame.

It had been a month since they'd shared a bed and despite her
injuries, she still was able to feel that desire for him. She'd
enjoyed sharing his bed and feeling his touch; why would now be any
different? Lusilk found that in answering his kiss, she found little
difference, so she encouraged the passion to build in her response.
Her good arm lifted and she wound her fingers into the hair at the
nape of his neck, pulling him closer.

Lorican murmured her name between breaths with growing heat and desire.
In all of the fear and grief and despair of the past sevendays he'd not
known how much he'd missed the feel of her, the sensations that even her
lightest touch drew from him. It was only when he felt her injured arm
pressed against him that he hesitated, drawing back. "I can stop. You
don't have to...I don't want to hurt you. Or the baby."

A crooked little smile lifted her lips."You're not going to hurt the
baby, Lorican." If what she'd been through hadn't hurt the baby,
sharing a bed with its father certainly wouldn't. She felt a flash of
momentary guilt; when she'd shared herself with Olov during the last
sevenday of traveling, she'd thought her marriage was over. There
hadn't been any affection, or even much attraction, between them and
it had been merely a way of sharing warmth and a transitory need.

This was different and she recognized Lorican's need for her. It
wasn't just a physical desire, it was something more for him, and
perhaps, for her too. Her hand touched his cheek lightly. "We need
this. Just go slow and I'll be fine. I'm over the worst of it." What
he would think after she disrobed would be another matter; her sides
were still mottled by wide, fading, ugly yellowish bruises. Slipping
her sling off, she put it aside and slowly, carefully pulled her tunic
off, ignoring the twinges of pain from her shoulder. She laid back and
beckoned to him. "I want to."

Lorican drew in a sharp breath of dismay at the sight, the clear marks
of a vicious beating standing out clearly on her skin. "Oh, Lusilk." He
pulled off his own tunic and turned the glowbasket down low before, with
infinite care, he took her in his arms, the gentleness he'd learned on
their wedding night coming as naturally as the kisses and caresses
they'd shared. "You're safe now. No one will ever do that to you again.
How I've missed you, my beautiful, exasperating, wonderful wife..."

He was poetic and gentle, stripping away her reservations about his
affection with soft fingers and sweet caresses of callused palms. The
sincerity of his carefulness was unique; she'd never been with a man
like him or who had treated her like she was cherished...special.
Though there were some twinges of pain as he made love to her, the
pleasure of his touch, how he moved and her response was more than
enough to overwhelm her senses. Lusilk let herself drown in his
embrace and when she moaned out his name at the end, she held him close
and did not pull away after.

Lorican clasped her to him in the warm aftermath of their lovemaking,
still half wondering that she was here, when he'd woken this morning
believing he'd never see her again. His heart felt light as a soaring
firelizard. And a child... Careful not to rest his weight on her bruised
body, he curled around her, and one hand crept up to caress the slight
roundness of her belly. "You're safe. Rest now." There were still
troubles, not least whether Lord Bryvin could be trusted with Silgan's
secret, but they could face them tomorrow. Together.

Last updated on the February 19th 2021

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