Everything You Say To Me (2/3)

Writers: Aaron, Avery, Curious
Date Posted: 1st March 2024
Series: The Disaster at Dragonsfall

Characters: Kadira, K'don, Naradis
Description: The discussion between Kadira and Naradis gets more intense.
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 9, day 25 of Turn 10
Notes: Mentioned: Cyradis, Jadirah, A'kades
Everything You Say To Me series

K'don

Kadira dropped her tray and it hit the ground with a loud bang.

"Of course someone's asked me! "Are you sure Ishath is a proper blue
and not a funny green? Are you hiding something down there? Are you a
female man? So you're funny like those green men?" " She gestured at
her breeches as she spoke in a mocking, high-pitched tone.

Ishath finally emerged from the barracks and rushed over to his rider,
eyes whirling yellow in alarm. Kadira falling to her knees and wrapped
her arms around him. "Everyone's been asking about my personal life
like I'm some kind of curiosity for them to look at!" she yelled, a
bit muffled by her face being pressed into dragonet hide.

A flicker of sympathy made its way onto Naradis' face. It wasn't
enough to make her back down or express even a smidgen of regret, but
it did make her soften somewhat. She crouched down to Kadira's level,
and when she spoke, her voice was a little gentler.

"If it helps at all, I couldn't care less about you as a person," she
said. "I asked because, like I said, it's important. How many female
riders do you know of that like other women? Even /greenriders/ always
seem to like men or nothing. If you like women and impressed anyway,
that's /important/."

Ishath swung his head around to stare intently at Naradis, eyes
shading more towards orange as she got closer to his rider, who she
was making her feel bad. He didn't look like he would strike yet, the
draconic instinct not to harm humans was strong, but he was definitely
agitated.

"It doesn't help at all!" Kadira snapped when Naradis spoke. "It's
just more proof you're like everyone else who just wants to know why
I'm different. You want an answer for why and neither Ishath or I
know!"

All of the questions about what she liked and what she was, whether it
was to call her personally a failure at womanhood in some way or to
ask if her unusual tastes were why she Impressed - it still felt like
people were invading her life and asking things they had no right to
know about someone.

"Naradis, please, I think we should go!" K'don begged, feeling as
though he was expected ñ or would be expected ñ to have control of
this situation, and he did not.

"Why is this so important?" he challenged. "Important enough to risk a
dragon's safety? It can't be that unusual - I don't like men _or_
women, and I still Impressed!"

K'don seemed a bit shocked at having heard those words come out of his
own mouth. He had never really thought about it, but the stress of the
situation brought those feelings - or lack of feelings - to the
forefront of his awareness.

K'don interjecting surprised her - she'd nearly forgotten about him -
and she turned to look at him.

"Because I like girls and I've been left standing for _turns_,"
Naradis snapped, the words pouring past her lips before she could
think to stop them. She stood up to face her brother, shoulders
trembling despite her otherwise stiff posture.

"Everyone knows that men who ride green or blue like other men, but
how many goldriders who like other girls have you heard of? How many
greenriders, even? Because I don't know about you, but I haven't seen
any! And shard it K'don, if there's even a one in a million chance
that I might be able to impress, then I want to know about it!"

Tears were building in Naradis' eyes now. Upon noticing, she turned
around, walked a few steps away from Kadira and K'don, and furiously
wiped them away.

K'don's eyes widened, and he reached out for Naradis as she turned
away, wanting to hold her, to comfort her, but he was not sure she
would want that from him now. He had no idea she was wrestling with
these feelings.

Kadira's anger at yet another person coming to scrutinize her to find
out why she was other and different - and for that someone to have
come from _Dolphin Cove_, because it wasn't embarrassing enough that
people from her own Weyr were staring at her, had come from the
assumption that Naradis was like everyone else, who just wanted a
satisfying explanation, because they had the urge to gawk at the
Oddity.

She hadn't realized Naradis had a personal stake in it. That she'd
wanted to know because it was important to _her_.

"I wish you'd said it was about you at the start. Saying it was
important without why just...made it sound like you wanted to stare.
Like everyone else has wanted to stare. All the time," Kadira said.

Her angry tone had faded to a flatter one. "I know I yelled at you but
it's just... tiring. Random people sit with me at the dining caverns
or approach me and ask me why I think I Impressed a blue and they ask
all those sensitive questions and it's just... It's a lot."

K'don relaxed a bit at Kadira's understanding, beginning to believe
that this encounter could resolve itself without anyone getting hurt.
Still, he held fast from speaking up again. Aside from not wanting to
interrupt if the two women were about to come to an understanding, he
was also loath to draw attention again to the confession he had made,
himself.

Naradis hesitated, then turned around to face Kadira. When she spoke,
she focused on keeping her voice steady. Not wavering. Not wobbly. Not
at all like a girl who was trying not to cry.

"It felt insincere. I mean, it can't just be _me_ it's important to.
There have to be other girls like me, looking for some sort of sign
that not liking men doesn't mean that they aren't good enough for a
dragon."

What she didn't say was that Kadira's "problem" sounded absolutely
amazing. Sure, there would be people who derided or even hated her,
but there would also be people who looked at her with awe and
amazement. Her name would go down in history. People looked at her and
saw _her_. Naradis would just about kill for something like that, yet
Kadira seemed _unhappy_ about it.

The words stood on the tip of her tongue, but Naradis didn't let them
out. This time, at least, she could tell that it probably wouldn't
help.

K'don stepped that much closer to Naradis and laid a hand on her
shoulder. Maybe, just maybe, it would help her know he was there for
her. If only she had just talked to him, maybe they could have worked
through this together.

Kadira was quiet for a moment as she tried to figure out how to
explain her feelings to Naradis. It sounded like they were talking
about almost cross-purposes, and she couldn't see why _Naradis_ didn't
see why it mattered to Kadira that people weren't asking just to gawk.

"Do you get what I meant about everyone staring at me like a specimen
and wanting to figure out why I'm broken or wrong, and why that means
I don't want to just answer the questions of everyone around me?" she
started off with. "I've been busy trying to deal with what I think
being a female bluerider means for and about me on my own."

She shrugged, and said, "I'm a lot more likely to answer someone who
has a reason to know because it matters to them. Because it's
_related_ to them, not just because they think it's important for some
nebulous intrusive reason."

}:We don't _have_ to answer anything we don't want to,:{ Ishath told
her firmly. }:You are perfect as my rider and owe anyone else
nothing.:{

"You're not broken!" K'don could not keep quiet anymore. "Or wrong.
Neither one of you. You're exactly who you're meant to be. And there's
nothing about you that would mean there's no dragon who would love
you. See?" He held his hand out toward Ishath.

"And. And I'll... give a very stern glance at anyone who says
otherwise..." he added, with much less confidence and a blush to go
with it. He could hardly promise to do violence.

Naradis laughed, low, rough, and fractured. A tear slipped from her
eye. She quickly brushed it away, hoping that no one would notice.

"I'm sure you could be very threatening," she told K'don. "Thank you,
brother. That's..." She trailed off, shaking her head slightly. "It's
nice to hear, at least."

There was a moment of hesitation before she shifted her attention back
to Kadira. Naradis didn't quite know what to say next - suspected that
the sentiments on her mind wouldn't quite be appreciated - but she
certainly wasn't going to _lie_. Which left telling the truth and
hoping that it didn't go over too terribly.

"I'm probably not the best person to commiserate with," Naradis
admitted. "My mother is Senior, and my father's Weyrleader at a
northern Weyr. I get stared at all the time for things that aren't
actually related to _me_. Actually being noticed for something that I
did, because I made history... Even if there were people who hated my
guts for it, to me, it just sounds amazing."

Kadira bit her lip. She understood what Naradis meant, about people
looking at your parents, and she said, "I know what you mean about
your parents being prominent, and feeling buried by their legacy. A
Weyrsecond and a Master Healer... we both have a lot to live up to."

"That's not noticing you for you, though, don't you get it? If I was -
was a greenrider, who did soemthing heroic, that would be me. People
noticed your mother when she first Impressed a gold, before she became
a Weyrwoman, because of her dragon's hide. if you Impressed gold or
blue, everyone is seeing your dragon's hide. That's still not _you_. I
also want to be seen for me, not as - not as a freak." She blinked
back her own tears, as she'd heard those words so often.

"But they _are_ looking at you!" Naradis exclaimed. "You were special
enough to attract a blue when no one's ever done that before. So many
people are going to look up to you - isn't that worth all the others?
Besides, let's be honest here. I'm not trying to be colorist or
anything but..." Her lips twisted into a thin, mirthless smile. "How
many greenriders have made history?

Last updated on the March 5th 2024

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