Holding on to Chains

Writers: Devin, Halyonix
Date Posted: 10th June 2025

Characters: N'vanik, I'serin
Description: The Dolphin Cove Weyrleader checks on I'serin after his mistake in Fall.
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 6, day 19 of Turn 12
Notes: Mentioned: K'mai

N'vanik

I'serin

N'vanik had heard about the mistake and the bad 'Fall and wanted to
come check on the young Weyrleader. He'd sent a message ahead so he
wasn't dropping in unannounced. "Shards, I forgot how sharding cold
this place is," he complained as he stepped into I'serin's office.

"Now you know why I prefer coming to visit you," I'serin quipped
weakly. With one hand bandaged, it was difficult to take notes, but he
was managing slowly. He paused and motioned for N'vanik to take one of
the empty chairs. "What brings you to Dragonsfall today?" he asked,
thinking they had new business to discuss that I'serin was unaware of
then.

"I wanted to check on you. I heard about what happened." N'vanik
nodded toward his hand. "Minor scoring, I hope?"

I'serin winced. "No," he answered. He inhaled steadily and then
exhaled. Where to begin? "I appreciate you coming to check on me.
I...have honestly had a very rough few days." Without going into
sordid detail, he went over the timeline of events, though he left out
the part about his cruel words to K'mai entirely. That part was
personal. I'serin, did, however, gladly speak about the headache that
his bronzerider father had been causing lately, ending his tale with
their fight and how he injured his hand in anger. "As you can see,
I...have a lot of damage to repair. In many ways."

"Your dad sounds like a real piece of work. Maybe next time try
punching him instead of cutting your hand, hmm?" N'vanik said with a
hint of humor. "I'm sure you remember what happened with O'dan. I
don't know if it'll make you feel better to say it could have been
worse. Much worse." O'dan had made a similar mistake when he was
Weyrleader of Dolphin Cove, and it had decimated the Weyrleader's
Wing, causing several deaths and scores of injuries. It had caused the
Weyr to be understrength for Turns, sent both Weyrleader and Weyrwoman
into retirement, and indirectly led to N'vanik taking over.

"I...remember what happened," I'serin said slowly. Indeed he had and
it had come with a lot of commentary from his father about what a good
Weyrleader did. Commentary that I'serin was certain could be applied
now to him. And while it did not comfort him to hear how much worse it
could have been, N'vanik's words about punching A'len just added
confirmation that I'serin needed to do _something_ about his father
and soon. "What do you do with a troublesome rider like that? How do
you even approach another Weyr to ask?" he queried.

N'vanik snorted. "I'd rip him a new one and make sure he knew his
place." He leaned back, arms crossed. "Tell them you have personal
issues, but he's experienced. Is he good in Fall?"

I'serin nodded. "He was a Wingleader at River Bluff. He has never
stepped out of being that in his mind."

N'vanik shrugged a shoulder. "Easier to dump him on someone else,
then. Experienced former Wingleader having difficulty reporting to his
son."

"You state it so simply," I'serin said quietly. It was easy for others
to frame their relationship in ten words or less. They did not have to
unravel Turns of pain and unresolved issues, the things that I'serin
felt were preventing him from making a decision. "You are not the
first, second, nor even the third person to recommend that I transfer
him out," I'serin admitted. He seemed to mull something over, deciding
on how much he should say. He did not want N'vanik to think of him as
incapable, not any more than he already was due to his inexperience.
"It is one thing to transfer out a rider that you have no personal
relationship with. It is quite harder to do the same with your own
father," he finally said. "But...you and everyone else who has
counseled me all agree that he must be removed from this situation
somehow. I do not disagree with that."

N'vanik studied him. "Some people hold on to chains because that's all
they know."

I'serin exhaled as if he had been punched.

"Are you certain that you are not secretly a mindhealer?" he asked with a weak chuckle once he had recovered himself.

N'vanik chuckled. "Nah, just been around for a while." It was obvious he'd struck a chord. "When I couldn't stand my da anymore I ran. And never looked back." His gaze shifted, looking out at nothing. "Don't even know if he's still alive."

"I envy you," I'serin said softly, sincerely. A'len had been so ever-present in I'serin's like that he simply could not imagine running away. A'len was inescapable. I'serin exhaled again, another grounding breath. "It was...bearable...when I was not Weyrleader. But now..." He paused for a pregnant moment. He was slowly starting to see how irrevocably something within had shifted but was still too new to take wing. "Sometimes, the habits and behaviors that used to get us by no longer get us there. And we must change."

"Heh. It took Thread returning for me to take just about anything seriously. And then it took falling in love with Tal for me to stop pushing people away." Before then N'vanik only had a small handful of friends and his romantic relationships were volatile, often short-lived affairs.

I'serin considered this for a long, quiet moment. Eventually, he rubbed his forehead with his good hand, as though rubbing away a headache. "It is funny," he said, "that I have been preparing to lead in some form for most of my adult life and yet in all of that preparation, none of the books and records go over half of the things that I have had to navigate."

"I wish I'd actually bothered to prepare before I ended up Weyrleader." N'vanik felt sorry for I'serin, who'd tried so hard do to everything right and still ended up making a bad call. "I know this mistake is probably eating you up. It's so sharding easy to wallow in the guilt, especially when you _know_ it was your fault. But it's not gonna help anything. It's just gonna make you feel worse."

"What then do you suggest I do?" I'serin inquired.

N'vanik took a deep breath. "You can sit with that pain for a little while. The fact that you care, that it hurts, that's a good thing. But then you gotta put that far back in your mind and try to do better today, and tomorrow. You can't change what happened, you can only learn and move on." And N'vanik knew he was a sharding hypocrite, because if I'serin had replaced him at Dolphin Cove and done the same thing, N'vanik would be shouting and blaming him instead of being helpful and understanding.

The younger bronzerider exhaled softly. The learning curve of being a Weyrleader was steep and the costs were high. He knew he would be facing the consequences of his mistake for days, sevendays, possibly months afterward. "It is the moving on that I struggle with. And yet, as you pointed out, I must. Thread will fall again. Though..." He lifted up his bandaged hand. "I will not be meeting it for a bit. Perhaps...that will also give me time to regroup."

"Maybe another talk with the mindhealer, if you don't have one scheduled already?" N'vanik suggested. "And be kind to yourself, I'serin."

I'serin let out a huff of defeated laughter. "That is indeed the hardest thing to do." He sighed but gave N'vanik a thin smile. "I do appreciate you dropping by to check in on me." Once again, I'serin was surprised at how many people were stepping forward to offer him support -- and a bit of well-deserved critique -- when he expected to be all but banished for his error.

N'vanik shrugged a shoulder. "I want you to succeed. And you're always welcome at Dolphin Cove if you want to escape to a nice warm beach."

"I will take you up on the offer, once my hand heals enough to /between/."

"I hope it heals in time for the Hatching, wouldn't want you to miss that." N'vanik chuckled. "Dolphin Cove knows how to party."

The left corner of I'serin's mouth smiled. "I would regret missing it. You will have Loseth alert Aluneth when it happens please?"

"Absolutely."

Last updated on the June 17th 2025

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Holding on to Chains