In the Middle (2/2)

Writers: Iluva, Sia
Date Posted: 22nd June 2025

Characters: R'fayne, O'rosin
Description: Their trip to Sunstone Seahold leads to some frank conversation
Location: Sunstone Seahold
Date: month 7, day 17 of Turn 12
Notes: Mentioned: Z’kylo, Cirina, C’rand

R'fayne

O'rosin

They had drinks now, sweet iced citron juice and a packet of fried tuber slices they passed back and forth between them. They sat close together, legs pressed against the other and with a close, casual intimacy that had O'rosin looking thoughtful. Then, without much preamble at all, he asked, "So, since we've been kind-of on the subject, what have you told your family about me?"

R’fayne reclined in his seat slightly to better regard him, a little surprised at the question. “You mean, do they know we spend nights at each other’s weyrs and fly in Rapids and sit together like this?” He smiled, “Yeah, they probably know. The ones that I see regularly, anyway. I don’t know, ever since my father’s illness C’gai’s even more of a prick and T’caran’s always been more aloof, anyway.” He took a sip and assured him, “They’re fine with it. They’re riders. I think I mentioned you’re from a cothold, not the Weyr. And that we were in training together.”

"Well, no, I didn't mean if they minded." O'rosin said. "I mean, we spend more nights together than we do apart. If I was back home, we'd be married. You'd also have to be a woman in this scenario, so it's not all that accurate, but that's the only kind of reference I have. We're not weyrmates. Is there something in the middle? Am I the guy you're seeing?"

“Well,” R'fayne didn't quite know how to answer that: ‘married’ wasn't a concept he was all that familiar with, not the intimate and binding way holdfolk were. “I don't know.” He admitted, feeling heat open beneath his collar with the knowledge that their behavior could very well fall into that. “It's more… fluid at the Weyr, I suppose. We don't use the same… It's not defined in as many words. Not as official. Things can change pretty quickly between people and dragons.” He felt annoyed by how obvious, how stupid he sounded, tripping out loud on his own thoughts.

But something else tripped him up. Studying the other man, O'rosin wasn't ‘just’ anything, and that realization came slowly, but deeper and deeper until he knew he had to say _something_. “I guess we are in the middle.” R’fayne conceded, finally, heart racing in his ears. “Is that okay?”

O'rosin considered, thoughtful instead of offended, working the words over slowly in his mind as he reached for another tuber. "Yeah, it's okay. You're a lot of firsts for me, that's all. This all seems way more complicated than at the holds." He said slowly, though there wasn't any judgement behind it. "So, then…where in the middle are we? Would you consider being with someone else, if you had that opportunity? Would you be surprised if I was jealous about it?"

“No,” R'fayne said simply, “I wouldn't be surprised at all.”

Talking about this in a Hold of all places, even if it was just between them, felt strange. It wasn't the sort of thing he thought about when they were at the Weyr. Easier to concentrate on drilling. Threadfall. His father’s declining condition. What they did together at night helped relieve the stress. It had been nice, truthfully, not having to think too hard about it.

But now that he was, the feelings bubbling beneath his calm exterior were hard to make sense of, or steer, or understand.

“I haven't. Slept with anyone else, that is.” Propping an elbow on the table as he popped a tuber into his mouth, R’fayne’s dark eyes lingered on O'rosin. “I think I’d like it if you were jealous.” He added, “I would be.” He watched him carefully another moment longer, then, “What about you? Same questions.”

O'rosin rested his chin on his hand, a smile tugging at his features. It wasn't often that he could make R'fayne blush. "I haven't been with anyone else. I just about stumbled into this relationship, I don't think I could do that again. But…I don't know if I'd be jealous. I'd be upset if you hid it from me, or if it was because you didn't want me anymore."

He exhaled, shaking his head. "I don't have the right words for it. I didn't have to think about it back home. The options were 'married' or 'not married'. I'm still figuring it out. And if I can't explain it to you, how am I going to explain it to my family?"

R’fayne’s leg pressed against his in reassurance, a subtle gesture that looked innocent enough. “What have you told them about me? Anything?” He asked with a curious quirk of a dark brow. It wouldn’t have surprised him in the slightest if the answer was ‘nothing’, so he decided to pose a slightly different (less disappointing) question, “I mean, what do they know about your life here?”

"Very little." O'rosin admitted. "Z'kylo's told me a little about his family, and how they reacted to him Impressing Veth. I dunno if I got lucky by Aeoluth being brown, or if they don't actually _know_ about that and it wouldn't have mattered. Harpers don't usually go out that far, and when they do it's all the basic teaching ballads. It's hard to explain anything to them. They haven't been resistant or anything, but I might as well be on one of the moons." He leaned in a little to the touch, enjoying the warmth of it. "I said I have friends. They think Cirina and I are together and that I'm just being evasive about it."

R'fayne nearly choked on his citrine juice, setting down his glass with a wry grin. “Well, I can't tell you what's the right or wrong way to talk to them, even if you want to. I don't know your family. But you do know you don't have to, right? Not unless you're ready.”

He paused, running a finger along the condensation on his glass. “If you're already on the moons to them, they won't understand what that's like for you from a conversation or two. It's too removed from how they live, how they think. I dunno… sometimes I wonder if explaining certain things does any good. My mother lived at the Weyr for a few Turns when I was little, and honestly she knows more than I wish she did.”

O'rosin couldn't help but grin. "Yeah, I don't want them to know _everything_, but 'it's different at the Weyr' gets old fast. It feels like I can't share anything, sometimes." And the anxiety of _not_ knowing what they knew, or understood, or approved of lingered in the periphery; not something to be dealt with now, but later. When he was ready, like R'fayne said.

"I can't imagine being weyrfolk, either. Everyone must have eyes on you, and the ones that don't have dragons that could ask Skadith."

“Start small. See how they react to one thing you tell them and what kinds of questions they ask.” R'fayne suggested. His hand slipped under the table to caress O'rosin's thigh, squeezing gently, understanding how difficult it was to edit and navigate around certain people in particular, despite having to do it for most of his life.

“Yeah, it was harder when I was younger. Everyone else had a dragon and I felt like I was out of the loop and trying to play catch up all the time. But I don't think anyone's paying all that much attention to what I'm doing these days.” He admitted, a slight undercurrent of bitterness to his tone. It was probably for the best - he could do pretty much anything as long as his duties were done, and thankfully Skadith wasn't the type to blab to just anyone.

"There's a big gap between you and your siblings, isn't there?" O'rosin asked, "There's something like fifteen turns between me and my youngest brother. That's not close to the gap between you and C'gai, but it's harder when there's nothing tethering you together." He gently nudged R'fayne back, trying to distill that same comfort, before moving to stand. "We should probably head back soon, it's going to be late at Dolphin Cove."

“C’gai’s old enough to _be_ my father. And you can almost fit a Pass between me and F'tan.“ It hadn’t always mattered. Between his foster mother and Kalayne, he rarely ever found himself truly missing his real mother. But lately some of that closeness was starting to feel like an illusion, something barely there. Like their father now.

Despite nodding his ascent, R'fayne still lingered on their knees, trying to absorb the feeling and the moment longer. He hadn’t realized how much he’d needed that, even just the acknowledgment, nor did he realize just how hot his face felt or the way his heart thudded with unnamed emotion until his fingers brushed O’rosin’s in silent gratitude.

O'rosin had to stifle a laugh at R'fayne's comparison. Still, his fingers found R'fayne's searching ones and entwined them, quickly squeezing them before letting go again, mindful of where they were in broad daylight. "My place tonight?" He asked. "We can see if Cirina and C'rand are interested in a game of cards or something, if you'd like the company?"

“Sure. I think there's still some wine at my place.” R'fayne said. Then he rose, drained his glass, and called to Skadith.

Last updated on the June 22nd 2025

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In the Middle (2/2)