Tempted to fly

Writers: Eimi, Paula
Date Posted: 15th June 2006

Characters: Rigella
Description: Rigella talks with a mindhealer.
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 12, day 8 of Turn 3
Notes: Follows "On the Edge"

Rigella just stared the table top between her and the mindhealer, her lips pressed to a tight line. Why would she open up for some stranger? "Rigella? Did you hear the question?" the mindhealer asked gently. "What were your intentions on up on the Plateau? Did you mean to jump? Did you know?"

"Yes, I heard. I don't know what I intended to do," She replied listlessly. "It seems things have been hard for you since your father's death," the older woman stated in her soft voice, fairly deep voice. "Sharding right it's been hard," Rigella said. She rubbed her eyes. She was so tired, so tired of being strong, so tired of putting out a brave face. "You must have been close."

"Close?" her mind drew a blank. "Close to your father," the mindhealer said helpfully. "Why, what did you think I meant?"

** Close trying to see if I can fly without a dragon...** Rigella thought. "Yeah, we were close. Always been the daddy's girl, I guess." "He must have been a good man."

"He was, the best," she now had tears in her eyes and she fought to keep them from falling.

"What made him the best, do you think?"

"His compassion and skills, dedication to his work and also to his family. They way he always loved mother and showed it. The way he always had time for us children." "He sounds like a very loving man. No wonder you miss him."

"Yes," Rigella said with small voice. "When was the last time you saw him?"

"Several month's ago. Naerigga took us to celebrate their wedding anniversary." "I'm sure that must have been a very happy time."

"It was," she said with tear-choked voice. "What do you remember about your father from that celebration?"

"He was happy and all over mother, like they were newly weds instead of celebrating their twenty-something anniversary," Rigella told, tears streaking down her cheeks. "Shards, do we have to talk about it. It hurts!" "Did you talk to your father at the celebration?"

"Sure I did," Rigella replied.

"What did you talk about?"

"The normal stuff, my studies, his craft. We had half a turns worth of catching up to do." "And you were able to catch up with each other? Did you tell him everything you wanted to?"

"I...think so," Rigella said bit hesitantly. "What about now? Is there anything that you would want to say to him if you had one more chance?"

"Yes, plenty."

"What would you say?"

Rigella just clamped up again.

The mindhealer patiently waited for an answer.

And waited and waited and waited. Finally the silence became too unbearable to Rigella. "Guess I would tell how much I love and miss him." "What were you doing up on the Plateau, Rigella? Did you _want_ to hurt yourself?"

"Admiring the view?" She knew that wasn't the answer. "Then how was the view?"

"Almost made me want to fly." "Almost? What held you back?"

"It would had been quitting, giving up. I was raised not to give up," Rigella said after moment of thinking. "Do you think you will be tempted to fly again?"

"I don't know. Probably not, but if I get lost to that dark place inside of me again..." "Do you have anyone that you can talk to? Anyone that you can go to when you find yourself in that dark place?"

Surprisingly, it was Birigundi's name that popped up in her mind as the first one. She passed it and picked up the next one. "There's always mother. She's moving here, so it makes that easier." "Well, I suggest that if you really are serious about not giving up, perhaps you should find someone who you can go to, who you can trust, and who can help you keep yourself with both feet on the ground. And of course you are welcome to come to me day or night."

"Yeah," Rigella grunted. Her mother certainly had her both feet firmly on the ground and she could be trusted. Unfortunately, she was struggling with her own grief, and Rigella was reclutant to burden her more. The mindhealer reached over and took lay her hand on the young woman's. "I know this is a hard time for you Rigella. You're very sad and you miss your father and for good reason. Your memories, his words, the strength of the love he had for you are your inheritance from him. Keep that in mind when you feel yourself slipping into a dark place. Don't go into them alone. Seek out your friends and loved ones. They will be there for you, if you ask."

Rigella just nodded. She did have a point, she realized.

Last updated on the June 15th 2006

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Tempted to fly