Misery

Writers: Yvonne
Date Posted: 4th January 2026

Characters: H'run
Description: H'run hides in his weyr to mope after going to the Hatching Feast at DCW.
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 10, day 17 of Turn 12
Notes: Mentioned: Harki, Z'kim, N'vanik, K'mai, I'serin
Follows 'DFW: The Black of Dawn'

H'run

He'd begged off drills the day after Threadfall and refused to leave his bed until he was too hungry not to. Then H'run had made a haggard appearance in the dining cavern to load up on bread, cheese and dried sausages. Things that he could nibble on for at least another day without leaving his weyr. Let them think he was hungover, like Harki had insinuated at Threadfall. A drunk. A useless pimple on Pern's mighty backside. He didn't care. It was all true anyway. He deserved to be miserable.

Z'kim's smug words rang endlessly in his ears. Perhaps the greenrider _was_ sleeping with - had been sleeping with - N'vanik all along. H'run knew of a couple other bronzeriders scattered across Weyrs that shared a weyr with a man, but it was always assumed that they were platonic. And honestly, he hadn't cared about their living arrangements until now. What other people chose to do - or who they chose - was none of his business.

Until it very keenly, personally was. K'mai's impossible fantasy could actually come true, had maybe _always_ been true, and H'run felt like a fool. His other lovers had left him for ordinary reasons, not some Harper's feverish fantasy. He'd _liked_ the idea that K'mai was making himself as miserable as H'run himself was. That meant that there was hope, that someday K'mai would realize that H'run had been there, waiting, all along.

**Stupid.** He stared at the ceiling above his bed and followed the familiar bumps and cracks in the plaster. The plate of cheese and sausage balanced precariously on the edge of the bed waiting for one wrong move to send it crashing to the ground.

The time at Dolphin Cove should have cured him of this lovesickness, but it had made it worse. He'd been... happy, for a while. And in that happiness his secret dream that K'mai would come to his senses and realize what he'd lost had flourished, even when K'mai hadn't come visit him for months.

Hope wasn't worth it. Love was an impossible dream. He was just another dimglow destined to die in Thread. And Z'kim was right - it was humiliating to be thrown over for _I'serin_ of all people. The only reason that anyone took any notice of I'serin was because he'd somehow become Weyrleader, and no wonder he was so terrible at it -- he was too distracted by K'mai's beautiful soft mouth to pay attention to his Wing or Weyr.

It was exhausting. He turned his head to look at his darkened weyr with its mounds of clothes and baubles that he'd once found joy in. **Worthless. All this is worthless.** He felt exhausted by it. By everything.

}:Come out, my love. Sit with me. The sunset is particularly beautiful today,:{ Calcifeth said coaxingly. }:I miss you.:{

**I can't.** H'run closed his eyes and lay back down on his bed. **I just want to sleep.**

}:You have slept all day,:{ his dragon said peevishly. }:You aren't going to sleep at all tonight and you are going to keep me up with your _thinking_.:{

Another reason he was a failure. **You should have chosen someone else then.**

There was a small pause. }:It is not good for you to be like this.:{

**It isn't good for me to _be_.** There was no point. Sunsets, music, pretty silks, friends. None of it mattered when his future was loneliness and a violent death while K'mai got to be _happy_. K'mai deserved to be miserable.

It was selfish of him to want K'mai's misery, but he did. He wanted it very much, so that he wouldn't have to be alone. It was selfish to _want_. Time and time again, H'run had been shown that wanting only led to pain. His wanting was a burden.

_He_ was a burden.

And yet, K'mai got what he wanted. Had. Or _could_.

**To the Red Star with him, and his Faranth cursed bronzerider,** he thought darkly. **Thread take them both.** H'run squeezed his eyes shut a little tighter and waited for oblivion, doing his best to ignore the soft, loving presence of his dragon in the back of his mind.

Last updated on the February 8th 2026

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Misery