Emptiness and Loneliness

Writers: Eimi
Date Posted: 30th June 2006

Characters: Penryn
Description: Penryn goes back to his room and visits with an all too familiar shadow of the past...
Location: Garnet Valley Hold
Date: month 12, day 19 of Turn 3

Penryn breathed a heavy sigh as he turned the key in the lock. What a day. He had manage to make it outdoors, which was nice. Fields were being prepared for the spring planting, and he made a point to inspect them himself. Shards, but his knee was throbbing from the exercise. Despite it all, Penryn was feeling really good. It was a pleasant exhaustion for once, not the usual crawling back to his room at some late candlemark only so he could fall face first on his bed to sleep, just to wake up a few candlemarks later and do it all again. Lady Thalia had been right, getting out of doors more could do him a world of good. The steward pushed open the heavy door and stepped inside. He leaned his back against the solid wood to close it, allow it to prop him up while he took a moment to appreciate the feeling of being home with nothing pressing on him left to do. A long, contented sigh escaped his lips as he casually tossed his keys on the table nearby.

The sound of the keys clanging together as they scrapping against wood echoed throughout the darkened room. It was a small apartment, not nearly as large as the Steward's Suite he was supposed to occupy. He had refused to move into the suit before Lord Ishek came since he had not yet been confirmed in his position. After the Warder's arrival, people seemed to be too concerned with more important matters to mention it, and that was fine with him. He didn't want to move. Penryn tried to pass it off as being too busy to be bothered, but at times like these, alone in the dark, he knew the reason was much deeper.

Closing his eyes, he could almost hear a woman's voice.

**Penryn, how many times do I have to tell you not to do that. Put your keys on the ring. That's what it's there for.**

"Sorry, Jaika," he whispered, "I guess I forgot."

**You always forget,** the voice said with a sweet and indulging chuckle. **One of these days I'm going to make you sand down that table and get rid of all scratches.**

"You always say that," he smiled, eyes still closed tightly, hiding his eyes against the lonely shadows. "I think its just an empty threat."

**Just wait Penryn, one of these days...** He could almost hear the swishing of skirts as she floated towards the kitchen. **What did you do today?**

"I went out to the fields," Penryn replied, imagining her tucking her long brown hair back behind her perfect ears. She had always thought they were too big to look feminine, but he loved them. "Spring's here, so the planting will start. I hear all the signs are in place for a favorable turn."

**Well, that will be a relief. You look a little pink. You didn't wear a hat, did you.**

"You know I hate hats."

**Yes, but I hate the thought of you coming back burnt to a crisp even more.**

"You're always trying to take care of me. I'm a big boy, you know," he chuckled. Penryn could just imagine her turning to look at him, her fist planted firmly on her hips but her slight smile showing she wasn't truly annoyed.

**I'm supposed to take care of you. I'm your wife.**

"That you are. And what a good wife you are."

**How about your knee. Don't think I don't notice you're not putting your weight on it.**

"Oh, it will be fine. It just isn't used to the exercise is all. It will get better the more I use it."

**Do you need me to make up a poultice for it?** The sweet voice was edged with a twinge of tender concern.

"No love. No, it's fine. Besides, I'm trying to impress you with my manly resistance to the pain."

She snorted. **You impress me much more when you have full mobility, my dear.**

Penryn leaned his head back against the hard wood and laughed softly. "Oh, I bet you are." It was a rare day when they both had been able to claim to be in perfect health, and they took full advantage of every moment. "What about you? How are you feeling?"

**I'm fine. I took a bit of a nap this afternoon and I feel much better. Look, I even made you your favorite casserole.**

He could _almost_ smell the procine, tuber and pea dish she loved to make for him. Penryn never had the heart to tell her he actually hated peas. She had been so proud of it, how could he? "That was very thoughtful of you, love."

**Now, take off your boots before you track mud across my nice clean floor and then come and sit down with me for dinner. I want to hear all about your day.**

Penryn could feel a moisture encroaching behind his closed eyelids. "I'd like that, my love..." He forced himself to open his eyes, and could feel when a small tear escaped to the edges, threatening to fall. Through the slight blur, he could just barely make out the shapes of the contents of the room... Memories of her were impressed everywhere. Jaika sitting at the table, shucking those silly peas... laying on the sofa, taking a nap after wearing herself out cleaning that morning... sitting in the chair, reading her books of poetry... at the desk corresponding with anyone and everyone she ever knew in her life, being the loyal and devoted friend she was... in the kitchen humming as she boiled water for tea... smiling at him invitingly in her nightgown, standing in the door to their sleeping room... Jaika's presence haunted him there - a sweet but lonely state of existence. She was alive in those rooms, but only in those rooms. The loneliness, the emptiness, he could feel it closing in on him. He had to get out of there. Penryn reached back and found the door knob. He just had to escape. He had to run away to the safety of his office. There he could lose himself in maps, hides, records... places Jaika didn't belong. He knew there he could forget his rooms, the love that once filled them, the noticeable silence that now permiated every corner, and hide himself away, covering over the solitude with fact and figures, charts and plans. And when his eyes were closing on their own, when he barely had the energy left in his body to carry him back down the dimly lit corridors back to his quarters, then he could face those rooms again. When he was so exhausted mentally that he could no longer think of the cold empty spot beside him, only then could he truly sleep. But even then Jaika was there in his dreams...

Last updated on the July 3rd 2006

Welcome to Triad Weyrs!

Emptiness and Loneliness