A Terrible Mess
Dragonsfall Weyr
Amber Hills Hold
Vintner Hall
Healer Hall
Hidden Meadows
Dolphin Cove Weyr
Dolphin Hall
Emerald Falls Hold
Harper Hall
Printer Hall
Green Valley Hold
Leeward Lagoon Hold
Barrier Lake Weyr
Sunstone Seahold
Citrus Bay Hold
Writers: Devin, Eimi
Date Posted: 23rd August 2006
Series: Saving Each Other
Characters: Gilsha, N'vanik
Description: Gilsha finds out what N'vanik has been up to and tells him a few things he doesn't want to hear.
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 13, day 19 of Turn 3
"Well, hello stranger. I thought you had gone /between/ or something,"
Gilsha said as she stripped off her riding helmet.
"Been a little busy lately," N'vanik replied.
"Busy. Shards, its like you transfered or something," the greenrider chuckled as she put her gloves into pockets. "How can a man with so few hobbies find enough activity to be busy? Or is it a woman?"
N'vanik tucked his helmet under his arm. "Well, it is a woman. But not the way you're thinking." He paused, uncomfortable about telling her.
"Talryne's been staying with me."
Gilsha knew exactly who Talryne was, and her smile fell. "N'vanik, what are you doing?"
He frowned. "What? You think I'm treating her bad or something?"
"Are you trying to keep her alive for some reason?" she asked gently.
The frown was edging toward a glare. "I'm not keeping her alive." **Am I?** "It's her choice. She came to me."
Gilsha shook her head in frustration. "No one should have to live like that."
"I know. But it happened, and she decided to stick around." He still didn't know why she'd decided to live, but he hadn't dared to ask her.
"But aren't you 'helping' her live by taking her in? And what about you? Are you going to be helping her all the rest of her life? That's a long time, N'vanik. She's young. It could be a _very_ long time." Though Gilsha doubted she would last that long anyway. She was just prolonging the inevitable.
N'vanik often wondered just how long Talryne was going to stay with him, but he wasn't going to admit that to Gilsha. "I'm not going to kick her out."
Gilsha had half a mind to help them all out by loading the girl onto her dragon and dropping her /between/ herself. It sounded cruel, and yet it sounded like the most humane thing to do. "Shards, N'vanik, what a terrible mess you've gotten yourself mixed up in." "I have a certain talent for it," he said with a small shrug. It wasn't _all_ terrible, though.
"Don't get too attached to the idea, N'vanik," the greenrider warned him gently. "You must see, you must always _remember_, this is something that will never go away. It's... it's best that she goes, soon. Don't keep her alive longer than necessary."
"This is _her_ choice." He could feel his anger rising. "And I'm not going sharding abandon her because it would be easier."
"I'm not thinking of what would be easier for _you_," Gilsha replied, undaunted. "And you shouldn't be either. But don't hold onto hope. It's only a matter of time."
"Maybe. Maybe not." N'vanik tried not to grind his teeth. "She's stronger than you give her credit for."
"That's not always a good thing," she said softly. If Pali died... She didn't _want_ to be strong. Gilsha would be quite happy to be termed weak if it meant not having to face a lifetime without her green. The thought alone brought a lump to her throat.
"Maybe not. But Talryne's still here, and she came to me, so I'm doing what I can for her." He'd never been so responsible for another person before and it was frightening. "Then I pity you both," Gilsha whispered softly. She couldn't keep talking about it. It just stirred up too many fears she tried to keep burried deep. And perhaps it was a little selfish, but in that moment she truly hoped Talryne would die, and soon. She was too stark a reminder of every dragonriders worst nightmare come true. With one last pittying glance she tucked her riding helmet under her arm and walked away.
**Scorch you, then** N'vanik thought, but he was glad the conversation was over. He knew Talryne's hold on life was tenuous and that death would be a mercy for her. If she had asked him to help her die soon after she lost Ysanth, he would have done it. The guilt would have torn at him, but he would have helped. But now, he wasn't sure he'd be able to if she asked, and he wasn't sure it was just guilt that would tear at him if she went.
N'vanik reached out for Loseth, the bronze assuring him that he wasn't going anywhere. Every day he faced what life would be like without his dragon, and he knew that he wouldn't be able to survive the loss. **But I'm not Talryne, and neither are you, Gilsha.**
Last updated on the August 25th 2006
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