Can You Handle It?
Dragonsfall Weyr
Amber Hills Hold
Vintner Hall
Healer Hall
Hidden Meadows
Dolphin Cove Weyr
Dolphin Hall
Emerald Falls Hold
Harper Hall
Printer Hall
Green Valley Hold
Leeward Lagoon Hold
Barrier Lake Weyr
Sunstone Seahold
Citrus Bay Hold
Writers: Devin, Bree
Date Posted: 30th November 2006
Series: Saving Each Other
Characters: Kenza, N'vanik
Description: Kenza tries to discuss Talryne with N'vanik, leaving both of them uncomfortable.
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 1, day 4 of Turn 4
"N'vanik..." Kenza waved him toward her as he slid down from his bronze's back. "Do you have a few moments?"
He shrugged. "I guess."
Kenza tugged her helmet off and brushed a few stray hairs back from her face. "Walk with me a little ways? I have a few questions for you."
N'vanik's eyebrow went up. "Alright," he said as he pulled off his own helmet and tucked it under his arm.
They walked in silence until they were far enough away that Kenza judged no one was likely to overhear them. "How is Talryne?" she asked finally.
He'd been expecting a question about himself and was a bit surprised.
"She's . . . doing okay."
Kenza nodded, trying not to fidget with her helmet. "I saw you convinced her to come to the Turn's End celebrations."
"We had a good time dancing," N'vanik said.
It was unusual for Kenza to feel so tentative in a conversation, but she felt like she was on dangerous ground. "So she's feeling better?"
"Sometimes she does." He knew he was being vague, but it was a force of habit. Kenza was the only person he might trust enough to talk with about what was going on, but he was still holding back.
Kenza sighed. "You of all people know I don't usually play around with words... but this is a touchy subject, N'vanik. I don't want to upset you, but I'm worried. About you _and_ about Talryne. And I just wish...
I wish you'd tell me what is going on. What's _really_ going on."
"I'm trying to help her," the bronzerider answered.
"How?" Kenza asked bluntly, stopping so she could turn enough to meet N'vanik's eyes. "What could possibly help her?"
The words felt harsh and N'vanik blinked a few times before he was able to speak. "Just being there seems to help. She doesn't like to be alone."
"N'vanik--" Kenza sighed again. "I'm not trying to be cruel. But I don't want to see either of you hurt. And what you're trying to do... no person can be there enough for her. Not to replace what she lost. Not even if you never left her side."
He sighed. "I know. I know she can't ever be . . . whole. But she can have _something_."
"For now, maybe." Kenza did her best not to shudder, not wanting to let on just how upset she was. "But have you thought about the future?
You're going to give up everything in your life and maybe for a few months it will help... but then it will start to help less. And less.
And then--"
N'vanik's eyes narrowed. "Talryne isn't your dead friend."
Kenza winced slightly before regaining her tattered self-control. "And I didn't say she was," she replied tartly. Shards, she was falling apart over this whole situation. "I just know what it's like, N'vanik. To not be able to help enough. And it kills part of you, whether you want it to or not."
There was a lot of potential for pain, he knew that. At any moment, Talryne could tip over the edge, and Turn's End had been a reminder of that. It had been a reminder of other things as well. "It isn't all bad," he said quietly.
"No, it probably isn't," she agreed quietly. In a way, it might have been better for both of them if it had been.
"Other people have survived this," N'vanik said.
"Yes, they have." Kenza steeled herself to say what she knew she had to, because that was what she did. She said the hard words in the face of any and all obstacle. "But what if she doesn't? Can you handle it, N'vanik?"
He closed his eyes, just for a few seconds. He hated hearing those words, hating thinking about it. When he opened his eyes, he said, "I don't know. But I think it's worth it, worth taking the chance."
Kenza reached up to put a hand on N'vanik's shoulder, squeezing it tightly. "You know where to find me, N'vanik. Whenever you need to. For whatever reason."
"Yeah." He sighed. Then after a moment he added, "Thanks."
She nodded, letting her hand fall back down. "I'll come and see you in a few days and check up on you."
N'vanik thought about saying he didn't need her to check up on him, but this was Kenza. Not only would she see through him, but she would be twice as likely to check on him if he told her not to. "Okay."
Last updated on the December 1st 2006
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