What I Can't Have

Writers: Bree, Eimi
Date Posted: 4th February 2007

Characters: Ryalane, Penryn
Description: Ryalane pulls Penryn aside before their wedding
Location: Garnet Valley Hold
Date: month 1, day 6 of Turn 4

Ryalane slipped through the door where Penryn was waiting, closing it softly behind her. "I know this goes against custom, but I wanted to see you before we went out there."

"All right," Penryn turned, rather surprised to see his bride-to-be so close to the wedding. "Come to see if I cleaned up well?" he asked in a teasing voice that only slightly gave away his nervousness.

She smiled as she settled herself a little awkwardly onto a nearby chair. "You do, in case you're wondering. You look very handsome."

"Thank you," he smiled. "You look lovely yourself."

Ryalane rather doubted that, but she let it go without comment. "I just had to check with you one last time, Penryn. I feel so selfish, letting you give up your life to take care of me."

Penryn shook his head emphatically. "Don't say that. What am I giving up, Ryalane? I have nothing that you are taking away. You are giving me a family. Anything I might lose is well worth it for that. I haven't had a family in so long and I have missed it so much."

Unshed tears glistened in Ryalane's eyes as she struggled to keep her composure. "I was a terrible wife," she admitted softly. "I was wretched, Penryn. You... you have no idea. I'm so afraid of making you miserable like--like I made him."

"Miserable?" he asked softly. "I have heard many words to describe your late husband, but never once was 'miserable' or any word with a similar meaning among them. What are you talking about, Ryalane?"

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "I didn't treat him like I should have, Penryn. And maybe it seems worse now because I feel guilty... I don't know. I just feel like I don't deserve what you're doing for me."

Penryn winced slightly. "Please don't talk like that, Ryalane. My reasons in marrying are as much selfish as they are kind."

That made Ryalane open her eyes. "Penryn, you are one of the least selfish men I know."

"I want to come home to good smells and the sounds of another living human being." **I want to forget what I can't have...** "You can give me what I want. Isn't that selfish?"

"I don't think so." She held out a hand to him, feeling almost shy. "I think I can give you that. I'll try. I just wish I could give you more."

He took her hand and cradled it in both of his. "Perhaps more will come in time. I think we _both_ will need a lot of time."

For the first time in longer than she cared to remember, Ryalane smiled.
"Then I suppose we shouldn't keep everyone waiting. After all, there's supposed to be a wedding tonight."

Last updated on the February 9th 2007

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What I Can't Have