What is Love?

Writers: Yvonne
Date Posted: 31st October 2007

Characters: Thalia
Description: Thalia mulls over Kiomo's pronouncement, and what she ought to do about it
Location: Garnet Valley Hold
Date: month 6, day 10 of Turn 4
Notes: Follows 'Gitar Lessons'.

**What is it like to be in love? How does one know?** Thalia stared at the embroidery in her lap hoping for an answer, but the threads said nothing except 'patterns' and 'roses'. Last night Kiomo said that he loved her, and it felt as if he'd stolen the air from her lungs.

Oh, it was a nice thing to hear. That she was the centre of someone's world, the sun in their sky - there was nothing sweeter than knowing that someone pined for her. Her first husband, Aswic, hadn't particularly cared for her save as a means to an heir, and while they'd eventually come to an understanding it had been a lonely first few months of marriage. Why, without Penryn she'd have gone mad, or slowly wasted away in the solar until there was nothing left of her save a husk that could be trotted out at Gathers and be trusted to smile prettily at the appropriate guests. Cotholder's daughters, for all that they wore homespun dresses in drab colours and had rough, callused hands, at least had a little more say in their marriages. If they truly detested a man, a good father would annul a marriage agreement, and if they were madly in love with someone their father might press a suit on her behalf.

But a Lady of the Blood.... **Ah, that's a different story,** she thought, jabbing the hapless fabric with her needle. A Lady of the Blood couldn't think so selfishly, couldn't give into love no matter what she herself felt. Couldn't kiss a man in his office on the eve of his wedding to another... the needle slipped and she jabbed her fingertip. "Bother!" Thalia set aside the snowy fabric as a drop of blood blossomed on her fingertip.

"Are you all right?" one of the other ladies asked.

Thalia looked up to see a ring of faces staring at her and felt a blush slowly creep up her cheeks. "Oh... yes. Thank you. It's just a little prick. But my mind isn't on my task this morning..."

"Apparently not," the other lady said dryly. A fosterling, another Lady of the Blood though she was only fifteen. "Perhaps you ought to take a break, just until your finger stops bleeding."

"I think I shall," Thalia said, and grateful of the excuse, fled the room.

Love... was what she felt for Kiomo truly love? When he touched her, her skin shivered and her stomach filled with butterflies. He had a way of looking at her that made her weak in the knees, and when he kissed her... but sometimes she got the feeling that he didn't respect her. Sometimes he'd laugh at the things that she said and she'd catch a glimpse of something... else... in his eyes.

It would be a suitable match, if they married. He was a younger son of a rich Holder. And as a widow with means, she had the ability to negotiate her own match without relying on her father or Ishek for permission, if she wished to remarry at all. What would Kiomo be like as a husband? Attentive, probably. He said that he loved her. But what would he be like as a father?

Thalia paused on the stairs, then turned around and went back down the hall. Perhaps she'd go visit Aslian and play with her son for a while. A little smile played on her lips as she thought about him, with his wide eyes and thatch of yellow hair that so resembled her own. When he was a small babe she didn't have much time for his squalling and unfocused babble, but he was a turn old, now. He could say a few words, and although he preferred Liddy's company to her own he still smiled and reached for her when she visited. And soon he would require a proper nursemaid and she could get rid of the wet-nurse...

That was love, what she felt for her little boy. It was the same feeling that made her chest tight when she got a letter from her mother or her siblings, or a sheaf of music from her father. And as a Lady of the Blood, that love was all she required. Marrying for love was a pipe dream, especially as whoever she married would have a hand in raising the young heir to Garnet Valley Hold. What she truly wanted didn't matter, was an impossibility, was an improper thing to think about a married man: she had to think of the good of the Hold.

It was a headying thought, that a woman of her age and stature had such an influence on the future. Thalia decided that she rather liked it.

**Whatever I do, I cannot rush things,** she thought. If Kiomo said that he loved her, that was fine, but she had to remember her duty to her Hold. To Aslian. He was the one who mattered the most. It was an uncomfortable realization, but she'd been so lonely ever since she'd come to Garnet Valley Hold, and Kiomo was a suitable companion for her. But those stolen kisses... perhaps she'd been sending a message that she wasn't quite ready to admit to yet. Kiomo made her feel like the heroine in one of her novels, but this was her life... if things went badly, then she would be to blame. **I cannot rush things.** She'd been selfish and had bent the rules of propriety to be with Kiomo. A dangerous game, a thrilling will-I-be-caught dance... the feelings she had for him were as likely to be a result of that as they were affection. It was selfish and unfair to both Kiomo and Aslian.

No, she needed time to think. To clear her head. The matter of love and marriage had to be approached slowly and rationally.

But in the mean time she didn't have to _stop_ seeing Kiomo... they just had to act... more like a Lady and a Lord. Properly. And who knew... perhaps, in time, Kiomo would steal her heart back from the man who won it away, and she'd feel as strongly for him as she currently did for another...

Last updated on the November 3rd 2007

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