Irreparable

Writers: Bree, Yvonne
Date Posted: 15th October 2005

Characters: Thalia, Ryalane
Description: Thalia pays a visit to Ryalane to ask her to explain the accounting books, and it doesn't go well
Location: Garnet Valley Hold
Date: month 7, day 26 of Turn 3

Aslian's wails chased her down the hall, each sharp cry tearing at the raw edges of her nerves and bringing hot tears to her eyes. It was hard enough to be a mother and have to leave her child in another's arms, but harder still to reconcile the relief she felt at abandoning that duty with the guilt she felt for being a bad mother She loved him and his little fingers and smooth skin and soft tuft of hair, and she hated the way his face screwed into a red map of wrinkles and the way that her nipples hurt when he suckled - a phenomenon that the midwife assured her would be short-lived.
She was exhausted, wrung-out, felt as if she should grieve and wail but unable to do so even if she had time. There was always something to do - it was overwhelming, and the hold's residents whispered behind their hands as she passed.

Between the nursery and the stairs, Thalia was able to swallow her self-pity and tears; between the stairs and the infirmary, her usual mask of unforced cheerfulness had slipped back into place. She smoothed back a tendril of golden hair that her baby had pulled free from it's pins before stepping inside and looking for Ryalane. She'd cut her time after lunch with Aslian short so she could check in on the assistant headwoman, although she couldn't decide herself if it was a charitable act, or one designed to curry the woman's favour
**Which is stupid,** she thought bitterly as she smiled, **since _she_ ought to be currying _my_ favour.** She cleared her throat to announce her presence.

Ryalane opened her eyes at the noise, turning her face to Thalia. "Good afternoon, Lady Thalia."

"I hope I haven't disturbed your sleep, Ryalane?" Thalia asked. She smiled serenely and settled herself on the chair beside the bed. "You look better than you did yesterday."

It was a lie, but a kind one, at least, and Ryalane merely nodded. "I'm afraid I still sleep a great deal... they've been worried about my pain, I suppose."

"How.. have you been feeling?" Thalia asked worriedly.

"Tired, mostly." Ryalane's face was still expressionless, though there was a look in her eyes that spoke of more than just physical pain. "How are things in the Hold?"

"Oh, well." Thalia glanced down at her hands. "Ver-you've kept neat records."

"I did my best," Ryalane replied, thinking that was a rather obvious statement. Of course she'd kept neat records. Verora hadn't been capable of it, and it _had_ been her job. "You're finding everything you need, then?"

"Well, umm.." the Lady looked uncomfortably at the wall, at the bedspread, anything but Ryalane. "I don't.. that is, I'm not sure...
You never explained some of your shorthand to me," she said. It came out more accusatory than she'd intended.

Ryalane's eyes hardened slightly. "You never gave me any indication you were interesting in having it explained."

"You were never exactly enthusiastic when I did try," Thalia shot back. Ever since she'd arrived she'd been treated like a stupid twit
- it wasn't _her_ fault that Garnet Valley was unused to a Lady Holder! "And I need to know what the squiggle through the hoop means."

"It's a zero, Thalia." Ryalane closed her eyes and turned her face to the wall. "I'm sorry if you're having problems, but I rather think I've given all I can to the Hold for the time being. If you have any questions, I'm sure Penryn would be happy to assist you. He knows my methods."

Thalia felt as though she'd been slapped. "I won't bother you any longer," she said stiffly, and exited as quickly as she was able to without running, and hoped she wouldn't cry.

Last updated on the October 15th 2005

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Irreparable