Can't Let Go
Dragonsfall Weyr
Amber Hills Hold
Vintner Hall
Healer Hall
Hidden Meadows
Dolphin Cove Weyr
Dolphin Hall
Emerald Falls Hold
Harper Hall
Printer Hall
Green Valley Hold
Leeward Lagoon Hold
Barrier Lake Weyr
Sunstone Seahold
Citrus Bay Hold
Writers: Devin
Date Posted: 10th February 2008
Characters: N'vanik, Talryne
Description: N'vanik returns to the cave he visited that morning
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr, Elsewhere on Pern
Date: month 8, day 7 of Turn 4
N'vanik stirred and opened his eyes to dim glowlight. He must have dozed off. Talryne was beside him, her breathing even. She'd worn him out that evening, as if to prove she didn't care about N'vanik's past.
It looked like she'd worn herself out as well. He smiled and brushed a lock of hair away from her face. He was tempted to go back to sleep.
The bed was warm, and Talryne was warmer. But he couldn't get that sharding box out of his mind.
**Loseth? You awake?** The bronze gave no response. N'vanik sighed and rolled out of bed. He would just have to give his dragon an extra scrubbing to make up for disturbing his sleep. Shivering at the chill against his bare skin, N'vanik found pants and a tunic and pulled them on. The main room of the weyr was dark, and N'vanik hoped he wouldn't trip over anything. The huge form of the bronze stood out against what little light filtered in from the ledge.
**Loseth.** N'vanik laid a hand on the bronze. **Wake up, love.**
The dragon stirred, opening his eyes. Their light was startling in the darkness. }:What?:{ he asked, blinking sleepily.
**Sorry to wake you, but we have to go back to the cave.**
}:Now?:{ he whined. He wanted to go back to sleep, and wished his rider would too.
**Yes. It'll only take a few minutes. I'll give you an extra scrubbing tomorrow.**
}:That doesn't make up for sleep _now_,:{ Loseth complained, but he rose from his couch. }:Why do we need to go back?:{
**I need to put the box away. We left it out.**
}:Put it back tomorrow.:{ N'vanik shook his head. **I have to do it now. I can't stop thinking about it.**
}:I don't understand why that box is so important. There are shiny things in there, but they're just things.:{ Loseth walked out to the ledge with his rider following.
N'vanik winced. His dragon was right. He was being stupid. They were just things, and he should have gotten rid of them a long time ago.
And besides, no one knew where the cave was, and it would be almost impossible for someone to find it by accident. But he couldn't stop thinking about the box, picturing it sitting it the middle of the cave. N'vanik hopped on to Loseth's neck, not taking the time to put on straps. He wanted to get back as soon as possible. He didn't want to think of what would happen if Talryne woke up to find both him and Loseth gone. Gripping the neck ridge in front of him tightly, he told Loseth to take off. The bronze only climbed high enough to make sure he had clearance before going /between/. N'vanik didn't even want the watch dragon to see them go.
It was night at the cliff as well. Loseth landed, extra careful not to jostle his unsecured rider. "Back in a minute." N'vanik touched his hand to the bronze's snout and went into the cave. The glow basket had been covered and set back before they'd left and he retrieved it at the entrance. At night, it was pitch black in here. The box was where Talryne had set it. He set the glow basket down and lifted the box. It was heavy, heavier than he remembered it, but he knew that was in his head. He sat down and opened the box, sifting through the objects, lifting a handful of necklaces and letting them drop again.
**I should get rid of all this. Just take it all, right now, and drop it in the ocean.** Let it go, and let his guilt go with it. He hadn't killed any of the people he'd stolen from, but he'd hurt plenty of them. Too many of them. Even the people he hadn't physically hurt had been hurt in other ways. The traders that had lost merchandise, the holders that had lost carefully saved marks, the women who had lost heirlooms. All because he'd been a greedy, stupid child. He had started stealing to get by, but it had gotten worse. Stealing was easy, and he kept getting better at it. The thrill of getting away with it, the jingle of marks in his pouch, it was addictive.
Until he was Searched. The idea of becoming a dragonrider was even more alluring than life as a bandit. N'vanik had been able to behave himself for the few sevendays before the Hatching. He'd been rather overwhelmed by the weyr and being surrounded by so many dragons when he'd hardly seen more of them than a glimpse in the sky before. But the good behavior wouldn't have lasted. He knew that the luster of the weyr would have rubbed off soon enough, and he would have done something to be barred from Candidacy, maybe even thrown out of the weyr entirely. And he knew what would have happened if he'd kept up with his lawless life. What he would have become.
A murder.
Loseth crooned, picking up on his rider's thoughts. }:You couldn't kill anyone. You're my rider.:{
**You're right. I couldn't kill anyone, because I'm your rider.
Whatever good is in me, is there because of you.**
}:I didn't make you good. I found you because you were good,:{ Loseth insisted, sticking his head into the cave, his eyes whirling with concern.
N'vanik choked on a sob and set the box down. He moved to the entrance of the cave and laid his head on Loseth's snout. "You saved me. You saved me from that life." The words bounced off the walls.
}:This place makes you sad. We should go home.:{ Wiping tears away for the second time that day, he nodded. "In a minute." He went back to the box and stuffed a few marks from it into his jacket pocket. Then he shut it, trying to keep his mind on the task. He set the box back in the niche and put the rock in front of it, arranging the bottles and skins of alcohol in front of it to further conceal it. He knew the box would haunt him until he got rid of it, but he couldn't let it go. He just couldn't.
~*~
Talryne shifted and made an unhappy noise. "You're cold."
"Had to go use the toilet," N'vanik said, inwardly wincing at the lie. "Sorry."
She grunted and rolled over to face him. "I should make you move over until you warm up."
"Oh, come on." He grabbed her and laughed when she cried out at the feel of his cold hands.
"Sharding bastard! I should kick you out of bed!" She tried to squirm away from him.
"But it's _my_ bed."
"That doesn't mean I can't kick you out of it."
He laughed again and kissed her forehead. "Relax. I'll warm up soon enough," he said, settling against her.
Talryne huffed but stopped struggling. "Alright." She was too tired to argue.
N'vanik kissed her again, this time on the lips. "Goodnight, Tal. I love you."
She was a little surprised at the words. Neither of them said it very often. Then again, considering what had happened that day, it wasn't so surprising after all. "I love you, too. Goodnight."
Last updated on the February 14th 2008