A Nervous Return

Writers: AL
Date Posted: 17th February 2008

Characters: Kitali
Description: Kitali returns to RBW and contemplates her stupidity.
Location: River Bluff Weyr
Date: month 8, day 7 of Turn 4

Kitali smiled at the brownrider as he helped her down from his dragon.
Her eyes didn't linger. She was looking for a certain blue, but he was nowhere in sight. Of course, what did she expect? She had written M'van to say she was returning, but she had decided to return earlier than expected. Why should M'van be there waiting when she hadn't told him when she was arriving?

Talvan and Lidrin were still with her parents. They would be visiting in a sevenday and bring her children there. She missed them already, but this would give her the chance to speak to M'van privately without immediately thrusting her children upon her cousin. She wasn't sure where she should go. Should she go to their weyr? Would M'van welcome her?
She hadn't left on the best of terms. No. She would go with her assigned room for now. Maybe when they worked things out, she could...if. If they worked things out. Oh she hoped they could! Kitali had done a lot of thinking over the last month.

Shards, how she had missed the weyr! Even more, how she had missed M'van.
She had no idea how much he had meant to her until she had left. Even then, anger had pushed aside other feelings until a few days after she had settled in with her parents. Then the loneliness came. It was almost like losing Gavin again. Only that time, he was still around, but so far...and she had hurt him. She had been such a wherry.

Kitali swallowed, her throat suddenly dry. Would he forgive her? She would have to wait and see. Perhaps he would need more time. She could give him that. She'd rather give him time and get him back than to lose him forever. She had already lost one love. She didn't want to lose again.

The brownrider was kind and offered to help her with her bags. She accepted his help graciously and led the way into the weyr. She would check in, get settled in her room, then go find M'van and apologise. She hoped it would be enough.

After she had checked in with the Headwoman, the brownrider was relieved by a drudge and Kitali was shown her room. It was empty. So very empty.
It had furniture enough, but it wasn't where she wanted to be. It wasn't home. He wasn't there. Kitali only unpacked one bag, enough to keep her going for a couple of days, but not for too long. Perhaps she was being too optimistic. He may not want her back. He may want more time.
Shards, she hoped that he was more receptive than that. Why should he take her back just like that? To tell the truth, she had betrayed him.

Kitali sat upon the bed and ran her fingers over its edge. She still hadn't gotten used to sleeping alone. It was her fault really. She had known how things were at the weyr. Flights resulted in couplings and it couldn't be helped. When one's dragon was consumed with lust, so was that dragon's rider. She had known this. She had known, yet knowing was different than experiencing it with someone she loved.

Then there were the many nights when she was alone in bed. M'van was distracted. Why shouldn't he be? He was working on his Mastery.
Shouldn't she, of all people, understand that? Wasn't that an eventual goal for her as well? He was up late a lot...he had a right to be distracted. He was determined. Wasn't that a trait to be desired?

It was her fault. Yes, he hadn't been around that much, but it wasn't like he was going out and going after girls. The flights were out of his control. His mastery was important to him. She should have understood.
She should have been supported.

Instead, she had been stupid - and that stupidity may have cost her more than she wanted.

The harper took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She was going to apologise. She had no one but herself to blame really. The only thing she _could_ do was apologise and hope that he would take her back. She hoped he would forgive her.

Kitali hesitated a few moments more, loathe to leave the room. Admitting she was wrong was not easy for her - not in this. She knew she was, though, and she had to try to make things right. Even if he didn't take her back, she had to apologise. She gripped the sheet on the bed for moment, the pushed herself to a standing position. Well, there was no time like the present.

Beryl blinked in from /between/ and chirruped at her. Kitali smiled and sent her off to find M'van. She might as well do it now, if he was available.

Last updated on the February 21st 2008

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A Nervous Return