Silent and Numb

Writers: Dana, Eimi
Date Posted: 1st February 2009

Characters: Daigoro, Cinale
Description: Daigoro and Cinale have problems communicating...
Location: Vintner Hall
Date: month 13, day 26 of Turn 4

Cinale

And she should place the shirt there.....but no, maybe she shouldn't.
If she did that, then she wouldn't be able to fit _that_ shirt on the
same side, or that one skirt which was a bit fuller than the rest. Or
those shoes. Shards. Packing bags had never been so difficult before.
But then again, Cinale welcomed the challenge, however insignificant it
seemed to be to the observer. It was a small challenge, but it took her
mind off of her troubles. At least when she was frustrated, she didn't
feel so numb inside.

>From the dresser, Fey chirped softly, soothingly, and a small smile lit
Cinale's eyes as she glanced up at the little green. The fire-lizard
was hardly ever out of earshot now--not since...since it happened. And
she welcomed Fey's company. It was easy to talk to her and accept her
constant presence because they communicated silently, with emotions.
Cinale didn't _have_ to use words like she had to when Daigoro came home
every evening. She hated to admit it, but it was harder to talk to him
than it was to communicate to her pet.

Ashamed, she dropped her eyes and fiddled with the placement of another
pair of shoes. She and her husband spoke, and often. They loved each
other, and she found solace in his arms during the long nights, just
like she knew he found comfort in hers. But things had been strained
ever since she lost the baby. Conversation didn't come as easily,
reactions were delayed...almost as if their minds tended to be
elsewhere. Perhaps
on this trip the tension would ease. Faranth, she hoped so.

Daigoro was surprised that his wife was not busying herself in the
kitchen when he came home from work that day. That's where she seemed
to be lately. If she wasn't baking she was cleaning, if not cleaning,
rearranging. She seemed to always be in a whirl. Sometimes it was hard
for him to keep up. He felt like they really didn't talk anymore. They
spoke to each other, but talking was just so hard. He knew there was so
much going on inside of her, but it seemed like she really couldn't
communicate anything. The only time he felt of any use in this
situation was at night when he held her in his arms. It was the only
time it seemed she could remain still for more than a few moments.

Even now he could hear her bustling around upstairs. He climbed them
quietly, curious as to what she might be doing. Peaking into the room
he watched her silently putting her things in a small trunk and he felt
a moment of panic. Where was she going? "Love? What are you doing?"

"Packing." She allowed a little amusement to creep into her voice.
Shouldn't it be obvious? Men. Shells, most waited until the morning
they were supposed to leave before deciding that maybe it would be a
good idea to pack a few things. Seemed like Daigoro wasn't any
different. Good thing she'd decided beforehand to pack for him if he
hadn't done it himself already.

"I see that," he nodded slowly as he took a couple steps into the room.
"But where are you going?

Going? Frowning slightly, she stopped trying to shove more clothes
into the bag and turned to look at him. "Aren't...aren't _we_ going
somewhere?" she asked slowly.

Relief instantly filled him. Thank Faranth... For a moment there he
thought she might be thinking of... But dread filled in the next
moment. He hadn't told her. Daigoro had assumed... "But, love, I
thought..." He sat down on the bed next to the trunk and looked up at
her helplessly. "I canceled our reservation on the boat. I thought it
was too soon..."

Stunned, she stared down at him, at a loss of what to say, of what to
feel. Canceled?

Her blank expression was unnerving. She still seemed so upset, so
withdrawn... A vacation where she had to pretend to be celebrating the
new turn and their anniversary could never have been easy for her.
Daigoro had thought that he was doing what she needed. Had he been
wrong in that assumption? "Was I wrong?"

Disappointment flashed suddenly, followed quickly by relief, then
anger. "I wish you would've told me."

"I should have told you," he nodded, realizing that now. "I didn't want
to upset you more. But I should have discussed it with you first. I'm
sorry."

Trembling, she looked away. It was impossible for her to stay mad at
him when he was so quick to realize that he'd been wrong. How could
she stay angry when he gazed into her eyes like that and apologized?
Frustrated tears welled in her own eyes as she stared down at the
half-packed bag. His apology made her suddenly want to express
herself to him, right now, but how could she possibly do it after
being silent for so long? There were so many emotions whirling within
her, each one vying to be the first to be recognized so she could give
in fully to it. But she didn't know which one to succumb to--they all
confused her. Instead, she just pushed them all away so she wouldn't
feel anything. Shards, and there were so many things she suddenly
wanted to _say_ to him too, angry things, sad things, loving
things--but it was all so overwhelming that her tongue twisted back on
them. To talk would mean she would have to acknowledge the
conflicting, foreign emotions roiling inside of her...and she was
afraid to. So instead of saying anything, she choked herself into
silence. It seemed easier to stay silent and numb then to rant and
rave at him and the injustice of the world.

Last updated on the February 10th 2009

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Silent and Numb