Not What You Thought

Writers: Chelle, Len
Date Posted: 5th February 2011

Characters: A'shel, E'rae
Description: Angshel finds E'rae to say thanks.
Location: River Bluff Weyr
Date: month 13, day 13 of Turn 5

Angshel walked along the river, carefully flexing his right hand and arm. It had been two months and counting, but at long last he had been freed from the last of his various casts, wraps, and bandages. In joy, he ran for a few steps before having to stop, completely winded. He was a long way from that broken but determined boy who had walked and run a day's trip from his old Hold to the Weyr. A brief shadow crossed his eyes when he thought of that day. It was too painful; he would dwell on it later. For now all he wanted was to go and thank the man who had saved him.

One of the women had said he lived along one of the weyrs here but, as he walked, an unexpected anxiety welled up within the young boy. And for the first time since it had happened, he found flashbacks intruding into his thoughts. He blinked back some tears and half sobbed, before stopping in his tracks. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Maybe he should go back and try and find the man over the dinner hour, or washing his dragon or something. He turned to leave the way he had come.

E'rae came walking the other way, headed to his weyr. The bluerider had finished his wing meeting and was now heading back to his quarters.

Out of the corner of his eye, Angshel saw the rider. He hesitated, not sure in the cold light of day if that was the right man. He dithered back and forth, getting quite confused as to what to do.

E'rae saw the lad fidgeting and wondered what could be the problem. "Are you okay?" Of course he never connected the strong, healthy boy in front of him with that bruised and broken being he had met months before.

"Ah...yes," Angshel said quietly. As nice as everyone had been in the Weyr, he still found strange men a bit scary, to say the least. Trying to sound braver than he felt, he continued, "I'm looking for a bluerider named E'rae?" His voice trailed off at the question's end.

"Well, you don't have to look any longer.. That'd be me." He was curious now, wondering what the boy had been sent to him for.

"Oh!" the boy exclaimed. He blinked and looked closer at the rider. It's funny how he didn't remember the man's face. Fumbling a bit, he said, "Oh, sorry sir, I should have remembered what you looked like. It's only...well...I'm the boy you rescued two months ago, and I just wanted to thank you for helping me that night."

"You...two months.." E'rae worked to think about what he might mean and when everything clicked, he looked surprised. "Oh...well you look like you're doing well."

"Ah...uh, thank you!" Angshel blushed at the compliment. He held up his arm. "I just got the last cast off the other day, so I thought I should come and thank you for doing what you did that night. I was in so much pain, I thought I was going to die..." His voice trailed off, trying not to remember that night.

"I just did what was right. You got through it, that's all that matters." E'rae tried to switch points, not wanting to dwell on the bad. "So, you're going to stick around then?"

Angshel smiled and hedged them a bit away from where he had first encountered the man. "Yes, I am. The Weyrleader came and said I could and then went and got me ma as well. So we're both here now. He's such a kind man, the Weyrleader. I can't believe we get to stay!"

"He's my Wingleader." E'rae wasn't an emotional person so it was hard for him to level with the boy. "Well, I hope that it turns out to be good for you. Are you going to craft?"

"I'd like to, but..." He shrugged his shoulders helplessly. How do you tell a stranger that you're not worthy of being in a craft? Or the one thing that the boy dreamed of being since being rescued...

"But what? You're the right turn." E'rae himself had never crafted officially, though he had been a hunter to help provide food for the holdfolk.

"But...uh. I know this is the Weyr and things are different now, but I can't help feeling still like that worthless boy that you found two months ago." Angshel kicked the sand underfoot. What he _really_ wanted was to be picked as a Candidate. He had been on dish washing duty the other day with a boy who was one and had put the seed of that dream into his head.

E'rae wiped his face and looked up into the ceiling of the tunnel for a moment. Then he looked back down at the boy. "You are only as worthless as you allow yourself to feel. When I impressed my blue, my father wanted nothing to do with me. I realized, though, it wasn't because of me, but because of him. You need to realize who you are and just do what you know to be right for you."

Angshel was surprised. "So, you don't get to see your da anymore?" That was just like him. Just after he was born, his da had disappeared, leaving his mother to raise him alone.

"I go home sometimes, but he won't see me." He shook his shoulders, not dwelling on the fact. Leith had enough love for him.

"He sounds like my entire Hold where I grew up. There were some right bastards there."

"Well...that's all he knows. That's the way he was raised. Until I impressed, I thought the exact same thing." E'rae didn't mind admitting the truth.

"Really?" It had never occurred to Angshel that any of his tormentors would be in any way like him. "You never would have done anything like...that...would you?"

"Would I have resorted to violence? No. However, at that point I would have thought that people like that would have needed to be at the Weyr." E'rae wasn't ashamed of who he had been since that had made him who he was now.

"So how was it when you Impressed blue?"

"Well...it was a shock but Leith was mine and I was his so it wasn't like I had a total breakdown or anything. At that point, you just accept it." He smiled, thinking of his Impression and how it had changed his entire life.

His curiosity roused, Angshel felt bold enough to ask, "So what did you do...then?" He flushed, before adding, "I mean...for me I guess I've always known, I mean as far back as you can know these things. So that first kiss with...well it wasn't a surprise."

"What do you mean, what did I do? I walked off the sands.. Weyrlinghood was hard at times, but we got through it and we learned a lot." E'rae didn't mention his threadscore.

"No. I meant...with what comes with being a bluerider. How did you handle that?" Angshel cringed a bit, half waiting for the man to cuff him for asking that but curiosity had won out. That, and a desire to look up to and learn from someone who was like him.

"Still don't know what you're referring to. It's no different than being a green or brownrider or whatever. You just have to learn about what your dragon needs. We all participate in flights. That part, your dragon does for you." E'rae had almost been overwhelmed with his first, but he'd gotten the hang of things over time.

"I was referring to being with other men..in that way," the boy blurted out. He could feel his face go beet red.

"Like I said, that happens to all of us. After all, a bronze, brown, or blue can catch a green. Actually, though, once it was all said and done, I found out I enjoyed it. That figured what with me impressing blue and all." He shrugged, scratching the back of his neck.

That was something the boy hadn't thought about, when he daydreamed about being a dragonrider. Flight sex. The thought of being the greenrider in that situation made him feel sick to his stomach. If no one ever touched him again, that'd be fine with him. He leaned against the wall, feeling quite deflated.

"Ahhh are you okay son?" E'rae didn't move to catch him, but his eyes showed his concern.

The boy nodded, even though he didn't feel okay. "I...should go. I just wanted to say thank you."

"Clear skies to you." He watched Angshel disappear as he headed back to his weyr.

Last updated on the February 25th 2011

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Not What You Thought