Making Up Is Hard To Do

Writers: Anaria, JR
Date Posted: 13th June 2011

Characters: Roana, J'klin
Description: Roana and J'klin speak for the first time in a month.
Location: River Bluff Weyr
Date: month 2, day 22 of Turn 6

More than a month had passed since her last conversation with J'klin,
and Roana was miserable. Sure, she'd made other friends in the months
since she'd transferred to River Bluff, but none of them knew her the
way he did, could pull her out of her moods with just a few
well-placed words. And none of them made her feel the way he did.

She understood why he wanted time. He needed to be able to stand on
his own to be sober and the type of man he wanted to be. That didn't
change that she'd been leaning on him too, for reasons of her own, and
was falling down without his presence in her life. The fact that she
was thinking all these things in the wee hours before dawn because she
hadn't been able to sleep was just another thing she was trying to
deal with - and failing at.

After a long while, she gave up and gave in. Tugging on a pair of
shoes, she crept out of her own weyr and upstairs to his. Peering into
his bedroom, she at least managed to resist the urge to crawl into his
bed and settle in the crook of the arm he had stretched across the
pillows. Instead she pulled a blanket from a cabinet and curled up on
his couch. It still took awhile to settle and relax, but after awhile,
Roana slept.

J'klin awoke slightly early, with the general feeling that something
was different. He shook his head in confusion, reaching out with his
mind to Nimyth. The brown was still asleep, but J'klin sensed that his
lifemate was faking it. He forced the feeling away as he stood up from
his bed, scratching and stretching during his walk to the living
chambers. It was then that he realized two things - Roana was asleep
on his couch, and he wasn't wearing any pants. The morning grogginess
left him unable to think properly, and instead of turning around to go
get pants before she awoke, he merely said, "Eep!"

The unexpectedly high pitched sound caught Roana's attention, even in
sleep, and one hazel eye peered up at him from around a pillow. "Mmm,
good morning to me," she murmured, admiring the view.

J'klin's face flushed, and he hastily covered himself. "Roana, what
are you doing on the couch? It's not comfortable there at all. C'mon,
come into bed with me," he said, momentarily ignoring the whys of her
visit.

Still half asleep, she held her arms up toward him. If he wanted her
in his bed, he was going to have to carry her there.

J'klin debated between modesty and picking the greenrider up, and
eventually having Roana in his bed won out. He dropped the pillow he'd
been covering himself with, and picked up Roana easily, kissing her
lightly on the forehead as he carried her back into his sleeping
chambers.

She snuggled into his hold, leaning her head sleepily against his
shoulder as he moved her to the other room and settled her into his
bed. Roana caught at his wrist as he put her down and gently tugged,
urging him to lay down with her, "Faranth, I've missed you."

"I've missed you too," J'klin said, as he laid down next to Roana. He
pulled her body close to his, burying his face in her hair. "I love
you so much, Ro..."

"J'klin... please, don't," Roana stiffened in his arms at his soft
words. "We can't go there right now and you know it. Not with trying
to deal with the things you are." No matter how much she wanted things
to move further, she did understand that he needed to face his
problems first.

"I know... it's just really hard for me," J'klin said softly. "I have
a lot in my head right now, and it's making me crazy. I want you near
me, but I don't want to fall flat on my face whenever you're not
around."

She closed her eyes, unable to bear looking at him in that moment. It
was bad enough her resolve had weakened this much. "I know it's hard
for you. It's hard for me too. I shouldn't even be here right now, but
I haven't been sleeping and you know I hate taking fellis. I meant to
be gone before you woke up."

"I would rather you come here than take fellis, you know that. I... I
got drunk again this past week. Something happened at wing drills, I
was upset..." he trailed off, not sure of what to say. "I feel so
weak."

"If you were truly weak, you wouldn't be trying to fight this," Roana
pointed out, trying to fight her disappointment in him. It wasn't her
place to judge the things he did, especially not now.

"I suppose you do have a point there, J'klin conceded.

The greenrider sighed and pressed her forehead against his shoulder.
"So what are you doing to help try and prevent it from happening
again? Aren't you supposed to go see your mindhealer when things get
bad like that?"

"Nimyth called Briata," J'klin said. "He was asleep when I first
started drinking, but he called her as soon as he woke up and figured
out what was wrong."

"_Briata_ helped you?" Roana hadn't met the woman personally, but she
knew who Briata was. And what - the woman was gorgeous. She couldn't
help the stab of jealousy that went through her at the thought of her
being alone with J'klin, especially while he was drunk and not
thinking clearly.

"Yeah, I found out that she could talk to all dragons, and somehow it
came up that I had a drinking problem. She volunteered to help me out
if I ever got into a bad situation," J'klin said, not realizing
Roana's jealousy.

"Oh," Roana hid her crestfallen expression by ducking her head. First,
he didn't want her around and now he had someone else to talk to about
everything. If things kept up at this rate, there wouldn't be any
reason for him to want her back around once he dealt with his drinking
problem.

"Roana, what's wrong?" J'klin asked, uncertain what he'd done to upset
her. He knew that she was disappointed in him for drinking, but this
seemed to be a different emotion entirely. "I mean, I'm trying to be a
better man for you..."

She shook her head, "It's not that. Of all people, did it have to be Briata?"

"What's wrong with Briata? I barely know the girl. We've met twice.
Nimyth called her because he knew that she would be able to listen.
There's nothing more sinister or nefarious behind it, he just chose
someone he could call," J'klin explained.

"But it's... Briata," the greenrider said lamely, "How am I supposed
to compete with _that_? She's beautiful, a former Lady and she can
hear all our dragons."

"Because I've never really cared about any of that? I love you Roana,
I think you're gorgeous. And we have so many fun adventures in our
past. There's no amount of dragon talking that could account for the
turns of history that we have, Ro," J'klin said.

The greenrider looked up at him, "I know, I'm being stupid. It
shouldn't make a difference who you talked to, as long as they helped
you. I just can't help but wish it had been me." Roana shifted away
from him to lay on her back, staring up at his ceiling. "If this was
Dragonsfall, before you walked away from me for Arilanna, there would
never have been a question about any of this," she sighed.

"I know, but Briata seemed genuinely interested in helping me be a
better person. For myself, and for you as well. I wanted to hold on to
this a bit longer, but I got you something," he said, disentangling
himself from the sleeping furs, and pulling a small package down from
a shelf. "Here, I noticed that yours was getting a bit worn, so I got
you a new one."

Roana sat up, peering at him curiously as she reached for the bundle.
"What is this?" She was looking up at him, rather than at what was in
her hands.

"Open it," he said with a smile. It was a wherhide riding jacket, in
Roana's favorite color, with some pretty embroidery on the back. It
was a journeyman piece, so it had been somewhat pricey, but in
J'klin's opinion it was worth it.

She felt her jaw go slack as she lifted the jacket, holding it up in
front of her. Her teeth sank into her lip and her eyes were glassy
when she hugged it to her and looked up at him. "I don't want to know
how much you spent for this, do I? Oh, J'klin."

"You're worth it, sweetheart," J'klin said softly, pulling Roana
towards him and holding her tighly in his arms. "I really do care
about you. Everything I do is to try and make it so that I'm a better
man for you to be with. I hope you can see that."

Setting the jacket aside, her arms wrapped around him and up until her
hands were curled over the back of his wide shoulders. "Hopefully, one
day, we won't have to deal with all this," she whispered against his
neck. "You'll have faced this all down and be the man I remember, the
man I know you can be again."

"Hopefully that day will be sooner rather than later," J'klin said. "I
feel a lot better after I spoke to Briata, and I've been trying to
make some more friends around the Weyr, so I have some activities when
you're not around other than drinking."

She couldn't help but say the first thing that came to mind, "Just you
remember - I wasn't around by your choice. Regardless, I'm glad you're
meeting new people and trying to move forward."

"Yes, but I chose that because I can't rely on you as my only reason
to remain sober. You have drills, and a life of your own. I can't
freak out every time I have a bad day and you aren't around and just
start drinking," J'klin said.

"True. I just don't want you to ever think that you can't come to me
if you're having a bad time. I don't care what you have in your head
about trying not to rely on me, but even if nothing else happens
between us, I am still one of your best friends. I will be here, if
you need me," Roana said insistently.

"Ok. I promise you, I will have Nimyth get you if it ever happens
again. I'm really hoping it doesn't come to that though," J'klin said.
"I think my mind is set, I finally want to do this for myself."

Roana nodded and slipped her arms up around his neck to hug him
tightly, "I really hope this all goes well."

Last updated on the June 13th 2011

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Making Up Is Hard To Do