The choice

Writers: Eimi, Paula
Date Posted: 31st May 2013

Characters: Corowal, Erassa, Zandan
Description: Corowal must choose between the women in his life...and what does he do?
Location: Emerald Falls Hold
Date: month 13, day 30 of Turn 6
Notes: Notes: Follows directly The Gather, part 2.
Mentioned: Felyna

Corowal stood there, rooted on the spot. "Right here and now?" he stared her. Frankly, he had not expected this, not expected to be forced to choose between them. What he had expected was their usual play and innuendo that didn't lead them anywhere.

"That goes all against what Felyna and I agreed to," he said, his gaze falling across the dance floor to his wife. She was entertaining one of the holders. So beautiful, so smart, the perfect image of a Lady holder. Only he knew of the shadow of sorrow still lingering in her eyes. Then it struck him. He did care about her, very much. Over the last few months they had grown closer, turned into a real couple. And he didn't want to destroy that, knowing that public relationship with Erassa would shred her heart. His gaze flickered from the woman to woman.

Erassa had been there when Ofelia died. He had always been attracted to her. She did hold a piece of his heart. But so did Felyna. She was everything man could want from a wife. So, why couldn't he settle just for her? Or could he? Had he ever even tried? Even when married to Ofelia, he had slept with others. The difference had been that Ofelia didn't know and those other women had not meant anything to him, so it had been easy to keep it short and secret. The situation now was more complicated. He was finding himself in very uncomfortable situation and didn't like it one bit. It was partly, well, mostly his own doing, but he still felt Erassa had pushed him to it. Pushed him to choose when he wasn't ready. And he never liked to be pushed.

"You really want to publicly humiliate her like that?" He asked, hoping she would take back her demand.

"And what have you just done to me?" she asked, tears already springing to her eyes. "Do you really think no one saw? Do you think no one will hear?" As far as Erassa was concerned, Felyna had already been publicly humiliated, and so had she. "Since coming back to this Hold, my family and my friends have abandoned me, _assuming_ I shared your bed. People stare at me, whisper about me, call me 'whore', and yet I've done _nothing_ to deserve it. But their rumors were just baseless speculation until now. _Now_ they have proof. Now I have been seen kissing the Lord Holder in the shadows like some slut, seducing married men in dark shadows while their wife's back was turned. The shame is all on me, and yet I have _still_ done nothing."

Shards, she sure knew how to tug his heart strings. The break was over and the music started again. Corowal still didn't know what to do, but he did her hand and led her to the dance. "I admit my fault. It takes two to play this game. How long has it been going on now?"

"Turns." Since his wife had died. She remembered how much she admired him then. He had needed a milk mother for his new born daughter since her mother was unwell, and Erassa had needed a job. She had just returned to the Hold, covered in the shame of having disobeyed her family and running off to the Weyr to be with the man she _thought_ she would spend her life with. And then he betrayed her trust by sleeping with other women. Seeing Corowal with his wife, with his children, he had been everything she had wished B'lion would have been. She had liked him then, and when the Lady Holder died, her heart ached on his behalf.

But then he had tried to seduce her, thinking her morals would be as lose as those waging tongues alleged, and her respect had turned to revulsion. He was just like B'lion after all. Only now she was trapped. She needed his protection, more for her son than for herself. And so she had encouraged the attraction, but only to keep her position.

And yet, Corowal had slowly broken down her distrust of him. He had become a true friend to her. And more than that, a companion. The only one she had now that her family had cast her aside. She needed him. Even now, as the dance began, she clung to him fiercely, burying her head against his shoulder. "Don't leave me alone," she pleaded softly, feeling her future was uncertain now, but holding fast to him and the hope that he we would once again save her.

"How could I ever abandon you? And how could I hurt her so badly," Corowal's dilemma didn't get any closer to solution. If he didn't have feelings for Erassa, it would be so easy to just dump her, cast her aside. If he didn't had feelings for Felyna, it would be so easy to make Erassa his public concubine. It wasn't that rare among the Lord Holders. Onyx Hills Lord was famous of it, having multiple lovers and filling his hold with half-bloods. And Lord Golansin, man had kicked out his full-blooded, noble wife so he could marry his mistress. Corowal had met both Ladies and greatly admired Yanley. The new one hadn't made a very good impression with him, pretty pair of tits but no brains. While Yanley was Lady to the last drop. When he thought of it, he realized that Felyna and Yanley resembled each other, although not physically. There was the same quality there, the dignity and grace. Some mistresses held a great power in hold, some illegitame sons had become Lord Holders.

Did he not see that the hurt was already done? Word would inevitably get back to the Lady Holder that they had been seen together, and Erassa regretted pain it would cause. What was Corowal _thinking_ kissing her like that? But she could not think of the Lady's pain. She was in survival mode. She had to protect herself, but moreover, she had to protect her son. Erassa knew the Lady's rules. Corowal had explained them to her, hoping she would accept his offer to sleep with him - the affair would be private, no illegitimate children. The first moment she became an inconvenience, she could be cast aside, without any protection whatsoever! Erassa could not, _would_ not leave herself so vulnerable. And yet now, only half secret, only have true, she was just as open to attack as if she _had_ been sleeping with the Lord Holder all this time.

"You know I have no ambition," she said, speaking to the Lady's concerns. "I love Corofel, and would never do anything to harm him. All I want is to be a mother to your children, as I always have done since the moment Lady Ofelia died. I would never wish to replace anyone. I just want to live in peace." And his public acknowledgement protection was the one thing that assured that now.

"I know you do," Corowal said. His body followed the dance steps automaticly, his mind swirrling with thoughts.

There was nothing more she could say to convince him, and so she just lay her head against him, taking a strange comfort in his closeness, knowing even the way they were dancing now was bringing them under the scrutiny of those around them. But if she closed her eyes and let him lead her, she would be safe. Corowal had always made her feel protected and needed, and even if that would now come crashing down on her head, she was grateful for that. The moment was coming. The song was winding down. If anything, she held onto him even tighter.

The music stopped and they stopped too. Taking a step backwards, Corowal cupped her face between his hands. "I'm so sorry," he said, his eyes actually misting. "I do love you but I just can't destroy Felyna that way. Not now." He kissed her, more tenderly, more lovingly than ever before. And then he let go, turned around, with one look towards Felyna, walked away. He knew she was going to be furious and just wished he could make it up to her.

On his way out, he grapped Zandan from his arm. "Come on, I need to get drunk," he grunted.

Zandan had just been standing there, not really enjoying the feast. He would rather been somewhere else than strutting on a ball room in his dress uniform. He gave Corowal a curious look and followed along.

Ten minutes later, they had their feet propped up on table and bottle of Lord Holder's finest whiskey opened between them.

By that time, too, Erassa was alone in her room, sitting on the edge of her bed. It was enough of a kiss, enough of a moment, to make everyone think that he and Erassa were lovers. A Lord Holder would not kiss a servant for all eyes to see. She was relieved he had not asked her to make good on her promise to invite him into her bed.

Or was she?

In the eyes of the Hold, she would be his mistress. In the eyes of her Lady, she was probably now the enemy. In the eyes of her family, she was an embarrassment, she was a whore. And yet in reality, she was none of those things. She was not a servant, and yet she was not a lover. But if she was none of those, what _was_ she now?

The answer came out of her lips in a whisper as a single tear fell. "I am nothing..."

Last updated on the June 1st 2013

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The choice