There's _Nothing_ Wrong, or Is There?

Writers: Ames, Eimi
Date Posted: 21st June 2013

Characters: Kenza, U'kaiah
Description: U'kaiah talks to Kenza about her unusual anger and behavior during wing trainings
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 1, day 13 of Turn 7
Notes: Mentioned: D'ale
Note: Precedes: A Private Dessert

She nearly ripped her riding helm off her head as she landed on the
ground and charged towards the young rider.

"I _told_ you _NOT_ to turn. What were you thinking?" Kenza was
yelling and bursting with anger as she approached. It was evident on
her face that she wasn't about to back down.

The young rider, fairly new to the wing, seemed to cower under the
glare of the greenrider.

"I'm sorry. I misundstood the direction," he replied. His cheeks were
red with embarrassment and shame.

Kenza, however, did not let up. "I should pull you from the fighting
wings next Fall for this! If this had been a _real_ Fall, one of us
would have been killed!" Kenza was fired up and couldn't reign herself
in. She tried, but lately this had been her way of handling problems.
She'd _never_ taking to berating the other riders. Firm, yes, but
never demeaning. Lately, however, things have changed.

"P'gel!" The Wingleader waved him over to where he was. "I want to
talk to you, now."

The young rider almost breathed a sigh of relief when someone called
his name. Then he realized it was the Wingleader and he grimaced. Was
he in for more yelling and berating from him? Honestly, it was an
honest mistake. The direction hadn't been clear, but he wasn't about
to argue with the wing leaders.

Kenza's lips almost curled in a snarl when someone called P'gel away.
She turned, ready to lay into whomever it might be, until she realized
it was U'kaiah.

"Go," she waved the boy on, "but don't think I'll let you get away
with foolish mistakes like that again!" Slapping her riding gloves
against her thigh, she started to march off while P'gel hurried over
to U'kaiah.

"Yes, sir?" He stated as he stood at attention before the leader. He
was shaking from all the trouble, but he held his own and held it
together. He was _not_ about to fall apart in front of everyone.

"P'gel," the Wingleader said, giving the boy a stern look, "you know
what happened. You know what's expected of you. And now that you know
what happens when you piss Kenza off, _I_ know you will not let it
happen again. Am I right?"

P'gel swallowed and nodded. "Yes sir. I won't let it happen again." It
could have gone way worse. He was glad to get off without too much
trouble. He'd botched things, though her hand signals hadn't been
clear to him. He wasn't _about_ to say anything about that.

U'kaiah dismissed his with a jerk of his head. "Right, on your way
then." He turned to his Wingthird. "Follow me to my office, will you?"
he asked her as he started walking in that direction.

She did. Kenza assumed U'kaiah wanted her report of the details of
what had happened. In the matter of time since she'd exploded at
P'gel, she'd calmed down considerably. She was still tense, and had
been biting people's heads off all the damn time. It was worse even
than it had been even before Solith's Flight.

U'kaiah closed the door behind her. "All right, Kenza, is there
something I should know about here? Or is making my riders cry your new
strategy to maintain order in the ranks?"

She bristled a bit, but then simply shrugged. "I don't know what
you're talking about U'kaiah. I've always been tough on the
wingriders." She wasn't about to mention what was really eating at
her. She'd not talked about it with _anyone_, not even D'ale.

"Tough, yes. Flaming everyone who crosses you, however, was never your
style. You were sharding close to out of control out there, and that's
not like you, Kenza." U'kaiah had been on the receiving end of enough
of her tongue lashings since he was a child to know when she was being
stern and when she was just furious for the sake of venting.
"Something's wrong. I know it."

She shrugged. "Nothing's wrong." Her voice was flat and she didn't
look at him. She couldn't allow him to know the secrets that were in
her heart. That she ached for the child she and D'ale had given up.
That child would have been in her arms now had things turned out
differently.

"How about a drink?" She asked. "I could use one." She moved towards
the table where he kept his wines and without even waiting, poured
herself a glass and took a good, long swallow, allowing the beverage
to burn down her throat and burn away the tears that threatened to
spill from her eyes.

U'kaiah watched her with a rather concerned expression. That was not
the way one normally drank wines. Not someone with nothing on their
mind. "Kenza," he said gently, feeling in some way the tables had
turned and for once it was _him_ that was trying to mother the
greenrider. "I know about D'ale's woman and the baby. Is this about
her?"

She turned rather quickly at the words D'ale and baby. They'd not told
many of what had transpired those many months ago. There was even a
flash of something in her eye at U'kaiah's words. Then, the rest of
what he said registered. She snorted and waved her hand as if to shoo
a bug away.

"No, it's not that," **Although isn't that part of it?** The voice
inside her seemed to reply. She'd handled the loss of her own babe
fine until she'd learned that D'ale was having one with some holder
woman. He'd been able to have what she couldn't. Things had begun to
spiral out of control since then.

"Have you ever lost something, U'kaiah?" Her voice was rather
scathing, very unlike her normal self. She knew he'd lost much over
the Turns, but right now her mind didn't care. She'd needed to lash
out at someone else, make the hurt she felt inside her go away. She
took another chug of the wine before looking at the now empty glass in
confusion. "Something that just rips at you until you can't control it
anymore?" Kenza's eyes had taken on a darker tone, almost as though
she was drawing into herself.

"You mean apart from Syntara, Jaela, Trae, half of my weyrling class,
and too many good riders that were under my charge in this Wing?" The
bronzerider was well acquainted with loss. Every dragonrider in a Pass
was.

She heaved a tired sigh, her eyes dropping. "I know. I didn't mean to
imply that. I know you've lost many. We all have." She looked up again
and gave a more frustrated sigh. "It's nothing. I can handle my own
problems." She _wanted_ to talk about it, to allow herself to open up
and _feel_ again, but she'd shuttered herself so tightly she didn't
know if she could. Her hand gripped the glass and she wished she could
fill it up again and drink it down to ease the ache.

U'kaiah frowned thoughtfully. He didn't like the way she was handling
things, but this was Kenza. She'd always managed to take care of
herself before. The Wingleader in him wanted to press the issue, but
the adolescent boy who had accepted her advice and authority without
hesitation wanted to believe her. In the end, it was past experience
that won out. "All right, Kenza. But stop snapping at the riders until
you do. Keep your temper under control, all right?"

She nodded. "I will." **At least, I'll try,** she thought to herself.
**I must find another way to relieve the ache I feel _other_ than
yelling at the wingriders.**

"If that's all? I'll get out of your way," she was eager to leave
before he pressed for details and she felt the need to share more.

Last updated on the June 27th 2013

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There's _Nothing_ Wrong, or Is There?