Missing You

Writers: Chelle, Miriah
Date Posted: 24th November 2013

Characters: Bahji, E'rae
Description: E'rae comes to see her.
Location: River Bluff Weyr
Date: month 4, day 13 of Turn 7
Notes: Mentioned: Eirlira

Her mother was gone back home, and despite her bronze's company, Bahji
couldn't help but feel the bite of loneliness. She had been able to hobble to
the main weavery, but her mind hadn't been on her work and she shortly left. Now lying in bed,
her arms wrapped around her pillow, Bahji was lost in thought. She couldn't
even take solace in her loom; instead she spread her good hand over her
abdomen and stroked the now flat planes of her stomach. She didn't want to get up.
She didn't feel like going to the dining cavern; she didn't feel like doing much of anything.

A knock came at the door. E'rae had cleaned himself up and had even
freshly shaved. A few things had occurred to him after his meeting with
the rotten little candidate and he supposed he might as well tell Bahji. Besides, he
wondered how she was.

"Burst." The little bronze puffed up at the knock and leaped /between/
to appear at the other side of the door. He peered at E'rae, chirruped, and
then disappeared back to land on the bed. The image of E'rae now in her mind,
Bahji spoke softly. "Come in." She remained laying down, one hand lightly
stroking the bronze, the other, still in its cast, lay over her abdomen.

Opening the door, he entered slowly and shut it behind him. Seeing her
still hurting caused him to take a breath for a moment. Then he came forward
and very slowly sat on the end of the cot. "How do you feel?"

She shrugged against the pillow as she felt his weight shift the small bed.
"Tired." That much was true. She was tired, but more so, she just felt
listless. It wasn't though she was sick, though her appetite had dwindled;
there was simply a lack of desire to get up and do things that she couldn't
concentrate on.

Her head turned towards him and her nose twitched. "Just out of the baths?"

He made a noise of assent as he realized she was probably depressed. That
was what depressed people did. Then again, she had every right to grieve and
be depressed. It hadn't been that long yet. It was natural. "Do you like
being here, alone?"

Her brow furrowed and she gave another shrug. "Sometimes. It's quiet." She
stroked a finger along Burst's neck ridge. "But I'm not completely alone.
Burst keeps me company." The little bronze crooned softly in response and
curled against Bahji's hand, nuzzling her. "Other times it's too quiet. Why?"

"Because maybe it's not good for you to be down here by yourself, thinking
about things." That was probably true. People alone with their grief did
strange things sometimes.

Pushing herself up with her good arm, she swung her wrapped ankle
carefully around to bring herself to a sit. "E'rae, I'm going to be
thinking about things wherever I'm at." She settled her hands in her
lap and turned her head towards him. "What's on your mind?"

"I realize that right now being up in my weyr would be hard for
you physically. However, once you were healed enough, you could easily get
a weyrling ride up or down when I'm not there. Leith can also be there
when I'm not whereas here you're alone." He rubbed his chin as he thought
about it. "And sometimes it's better not to grieve alone. You can get
depressed when you don't have others to think about."

Her brow knit even deeper. "Or I can take the stairs." She replied and then
winced. It was most likely not something he wanted to think about and quite
frankly she didn't either. But she wasn't accustomed to just hopping on a
dragon whenever a whim took her. She'd always walked. But the rest of what
he said confused her. "So, you think I should be thinking of others right
now? I'm sorry, but I don't understand what you're getting at."

"What I'm saying is, when a person thinks they have no one, they can
sometimes get lost in their depression or grief. Usually, though, if they
know someone else needs them, depends on them, it can keep them from losing
it." It was hard for him to describe it since he'd always had his dragon
for so long. **I'd like to just grab you up and keep you safe.**

"But I know I have friends." She tugged on her ear and then sighed. "I'm not
lost, E'rae. At least, I don't think I am. Besides, no one really needs me
or depends on me except Burst and I know that. The best I can do is make
myself useful. It's just...right now, I don't feel like doing that. I will
eventually I guess. " Her shoulders slumped a little. "Maybe."

"What if I said I needed you as a friend? And I need to know that you're
safe? And if I missed waking up to hear you puttering or.." He stopped
himself. That was the first time he had ever said anything like that. **Ah
shells**

She went still and her head turned towards him. Her voice was soft. "You've
missed me?" She had heard the other words, but the last had warmed her.

**Well I'm in it now** He looked back at her for a second then put his head
in his hands. "Aye." Then he brought it back up again. "Why do you think I
keep coming to bother you?" **I need to know she's okay**

She sucked in her lower lip and shifted on her hips. "Because you
think it's your duty."

"It might have been my duty to check on you once or twice, but no. If I
didn't give a wherry about what happened to you, my sense of duty would have
been satisfied long ago." That was honest. Trust E'rae to be blunt.

Her fingers wound against each other and she swallowed. "Then why?"

"Why? Why what?" His face came back to her and dark eyes focused on her
face, even though she would never see them. With her, E'rae had to be
expressive with his voice or his hands. And he was not a talker. He ached to
touch her, but he might hurt her. **Not yet**

Her voice was whisper soft. "Why do you keep coming?"

"Because I want to." He didn't say anything else, but he did wonder if she
had missed him. Or would she rather be alone? He had made his own admission.
Now he yearned for hers. He'd never demand it, though, like her.

"I thought..." Her hand trembled. "I thought I was nothing but a duty to
you." She hurriedly brushed at her eyes to try to keep the tears welling up
from spilling over. "I wanted you here. A lot. I wanted you to hold
me...like you used to."

"I want to. I'm just afraid I'll hurt you." He had always been a little
afraid of that. She had been very different from the weyrwomen he had been
used to. **Maybe if I hadn't gotten her pregnant, she wouldn't have been
hurt.**

She reached out her hand, found his shoulder and then slid her hand to touch
his cheek. "You won't hurt me."

Slowly, but gently, he pulled her into his arms. It had been too long and
the instinct he had to keep her close was satisfied for the moment. Nothing
could harm her. He sat like that, with her, for a long while, pressing his
chin to the top of her head.

Last updated on the December 5th 2013

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