Adjo

Writers: Chelle
Date Posted: 23rd February 2014

Characters: E'rae
Description: E'rae says goodbye.
Location: Elsewhere on Pern
Date: month 5, day 25 of Turn 7
Notes: Mentioned: Bahji, Werenn

Leith was quiet as the blue descended slowly and carefully. He checked for any felines or other predators that might be in the area and then he extended his wings and glided until he landed. His rider, wearing wherhide trousers, a tunic, and a jacket, slipped slowly off of his back after undoing the straps that held him. Without a word, E'rae took several steps towards the trees that ringed the small clearing.

The clearing they were in didn't contain anything man-made. It was unremarkable as clearings go. Trundlebugs went about their business. Flowers grew and so did other plants and grasses. His boots made small swooshing sounds as they cut through the grass. The sun was shining and it nurtured these plants that grew in southern grub-enriched soil. No sign of rain. The bluerider took his time as he went along a path that only he seemed to know. Step, step..then he reached the edge of the clearing. A copse of trees stood there. They were old trees, not skybrooms, but perhaps those that could yield paper. He looked up at them and then picked out one towards the right of the group.

E'rae placed his hands on it. His fingers traced the well worn mark. It hadn't been re-carved in some time, but it was there nonetheless. Upon closer inspection, it was clearly an E. An unsteady hand had made it-perhaps a child. Backing up, he moved his head from side to side to check that he was alone. Finding that he was and mentally preparing himself, he bent down. From his jacket pocket, he produced a small bundle. It was unclear what the weight was inside. Placing it on the ground slowly and carefully, he then removed his gloves.

On his knees, the dragonrider clawed at the earth. He kept digging, pulling out a small pile of dirt, until he had a decent hole. Every time the hole was deeper, he thought it needed just a little more. Finally, he seemed satisfied and he sat back on his knees, putting his dirty hands in his lap and allowing his eyes to stray to the small bundle.

**You never had a chance and for that I am sorry. I should have been a better father and protected you. I should have been there and I wasn't. You never opened your eyes or took in your first breath.** E'rae looked up at the sky and at the tree and then again anywhere else but at the small bag.

Leith's reassuring presence was there. The blue dragon hadn't moved, sensing his rider wanted to be alone, but he sent his love and his comfort. }:It is over mine. We will put it away and it will sleep:{ The dragon didn't quite understand death, not like that. He understood he should keen for his brothers and sisters, but nothing more.

"You were mine and of my blood. I give you this-my tree-for your own. I give you a name-Hemarji." It was hard for him to speak and every word was given softly, as the wind blew through the trees around him. "My son, I claim you and I bid you good rest. Clear skies to you always."

His mind went to Werenn. A daughter was different than a son. He had never thought so until now, but it was true. Perhaps he was never meant to have one since he had nothing else to give. Placing his hands around the bundle, he placed it inside the hole and then proceeded to once again fill it with dirt from his bare hands. Little by little, the hole filled until he could smooth over the top. It was clear the earth had been disturbed but time would wash away his transgressions. Time would destroy what was left of his son. Time had changed many things.

It was hard not to think about the small body. The size of a fingerroot, it had been almost fully formed, but not quite. It had been too small and some things were not working yet. Still, there was a head, arms, legs, and a middle. The bluerider had taken the body from the healers without ever telling Bahji. And he had kept it. In the cold and protected-but he had kept it. He hadn't been able to let go. The baby needed a name. He had to have a name.

The bluerider had held him, had felt his hands and feet. He had cradled the small head. Bahji had been hurt, though, so he had to put the baby aside and see to her. He had put it all aside, holding it in.

And then Bahji had acted strange. And she told him to go away. So he never told her. E'rae kept all of it inside, rolling around. The anger, the sadness, the disappointment, the worry for Bahji, the grief for what might have been-it was all there. Sometimes he couldn't handle it and he escaped-to the hunting grounds, the mountains, or somewhere as long as it wasn't home. Hemarji was his and only his now. Shivering, he turned around and leaned against the tree. He put his head in his hands and he cried. A strong and stolid man, he was privately in shambles. And no one knew. His world was blown apart and all he knew was to cling to Leith-the one constant. Every time he saw Bahji, he saw that little body. He saw her on the floor, not moving. He remembered the blood.

His ribs shook with the effort of the sobs that became moans and then dry whispers. He put it all into the earth, laying it at the foot of the mound. He let the earth swallow his emotions, hoping they could be put to rest.

The waves coming off of him caused Leith concern. The dragon had become used to the morose moods that had bubbled under the surface for so long, though. He crooned, wishing there were something he could do to ease the burden. }:I love you. I am here. I won't leave you! Please do not hurt. I hurt.:{

Unable to answer, knowing he could never stop the pain, E'rae got up and dusted his hands on his trousers after a long while. He had dirt on his face. He had streaks. His dark eyes were rimmed. "I'm sorry." Walking away from the tree, he found his dragon and stood there for a long time, trying to breathe. When he felt safe to fly, he climbed back up and strapped in. "Goodbye."

Last updated on the March 6th 2014

Welcome to Triad Weyrs!

Adjo