A Difficult Question

Writers: Eimi, Yvonne
Date Posted: 4th February 2006

Characters: Thalia, Penryn
Description: Thalia asks Penryn a question that she dreads the answer to
Location: Garnet Valley Hold
Date: month 10, day 1 of Turn 3

No matter how much, or how little, she thought of it, Thalia couldn't get her dinner with Ishek out of her mind. It wasn't the food or the company that occupied her, but the sinking feeling that accompanied the thought, 'I'm at his mercy'. Ishek seemed to be a kind man, but there were limits to everyone's generosity. And like anyone, Ishek could be led.

Thalia didn't have much of a head for numbers and was embarrassingly aware of it, which was why she knocked on Penryn's office door one afternoon, half-hoping that he wasn't in. There was no one else that she could think of to discuss her difficulties with, and no one else she could think of that she'd trust enough to reveal such a weakness.

"Come in," Penryn called irritably as he set down the latest guard report. Still no progress in the hunt for the fugitives. If anything they had lost ground. Twice now they had lost the trail. They had always found it again, but every day they spent looking for tracks, they fell further behind. Thalia's courage nearly failed her - Penryn didn't sound as if he was in the mood for visitors. But it would be rude to knock and then not do anything about it, so she pushed open the door and stepped inside.
"I-I'm sorry to intrude, but.. do you have a moment?"

"Lady Thalia." He grabbed a stack of papers and neatly shuffled the guard's report into the middle of it as he 'straightened' his desk. "Of course I have a moment. Please come in."

Thalia shut the door behind herself and sat, nervously twisting the ring on her finger and avoiding Penryn's eyes. "I... have a question.
But if this is a bad time..."

"No of course not. I was just going over some reports. I could use the break." Thalia sat for a moment longer, then rose to pace the length of the room. She ran her finger along the edge of the filing cabinet in the corner, then abruptly turned to face the Steward. "You must be honest with me."

"Honest?" It was a rather odd statement for her to make. "I am always honest with you, Lady Thalia."

"I- I know..." She glanced down and began fiddling with her ring again. It was somehow harder to be open when he was sitting there behind his desk, looking serious. How unlike the Penryn she'd danced with only a month earlier... "I just.. I dislike discussing this."

Penryn watched as she fingered the band on her finger. Whatever it was, it was troubling her deeply. "Please be at ease, Lady Thalia. Whatever it is, I promise I will be forthright."

"I... probably should have attended to this earlier. But there was so much to do after Aswic... and I-I wasn't really myself." She came to rest lightly on the edge of the chair again, but looked ready to take flight at any moment. "I wasn't really thinking much beyond a day or so. But-but something Lord Ishek said..."

The steward frowned slightly. What was distressing her so? He stood and walked over to a small locked cabinet. After pulling his ring of keys from his pocket he opened the lock and pulled out a bottle of wine and two glasses. "I don't usually have alcohol during the day, but frankly, Lady Thalia, you look like you could use a drink." He gave her a reassuring smile as he walked back toward her and handed her an empty glass. "Why don't you take a deep breath and start again?"

She clutched the glass like a lifeline and closed her eyes. "I'm destitute, aren't I. Aslian isn't, I'm sure, but I am. And I'm living off Ishek's _charity_." The words left a bitter taste in her mouth.

"No, no of course you are not destitute," he said as he poured wine in her glass. "You do have an inheritance. It is a small one, though."

Thalia froze. "I- do?" No one had told her that before. She'd been kept ignorant of a lot of things. The former Lady Holder bit her lip, almost frightened to ask the next question. "How much?"

"Well, not as much as your son of course. A fraction, really. But enough to see you through until you are married again."

Her grip on the glass tightened. "_How_ much is a fraction, Penryn."

Sighing, he pulled over a chair and sat in it gently. "If you lived your life at the same level of comfort you had as the Lord Holder's wife, it would last you, perhaps a turn. Perhaps a half turn more."

"That's it? That's all I have?" Not destitute, but close enough to it. To have to remarry within the turn or else be caught with nothing... No more perfumes, no new books, embroidery thread- fabric for clothing! No velvet ribbons or jewelry. Gitar strings- how would she get gitar strings?! She suddenly wondered if Penryn had charged the Hold or her own account for her Gather dress, and the two dresses she'd commissioned besides. How would she pay the seamstress!? How could she be expected to find a husband if she looked impoverished, when her looks was the only thing to recommend her? She hid her face in her hands. "What am I to do?"

"That is your inheritance, Lady Thalia, but you will always be taken care of." He placed a hand gently on her shoulder. "The idea is that you are still of a childbearing age. It is only meant to keep you in comfort long enough to find a husband."

"And _that_ is hardly likely to happen soon," she said bitterly. "I won't take Aslian from the Hold, and no man is going to want to marry me if I won't relocate to _his_ home."

Penryn took a deep breath as he formulated what he had to say. He knew she would not like to hear it, but it was an honest answer. "You could start looking for a suitable woman here at the Hold to foster your son to. Fostering happens all the time. It is not... unusual. It would make you no less Lord Aslian's mother."

Thalia blinked back the tears that threatened and stood again.
"Absolutely not. Aslian is all that I have, and I'm not leaving him to someone else."

He sank back into his chair as he looked up at the distraught former Lady. "Well, there _is_ Lord Ishek."

There always _was_ Lord Ishek. Everyone knew it, everyone thought it, and now Penryn was saying it: it would be a good match. She began twisting the ring on her finger again. "I know. But- thank you for..
please don't tell anyone. About me."

"Lady Thalia," the steward said as he lifted himself to his feet, "are you all right?"

She wouldn't look at him. "Just- please don't tell anyone. This has to be our secret."

He nodded his agreement. "Of course. This will stay between us."

"Thank you." She summoned up a quick, false smile before slipping back out the door, lost in thought and feeling bereft.

Last updated on the February 4th 2006

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A Difficult Question