Why Can't It Be?

Writers: Eimi, Bree
Date Posted: 11th February 2006

Characters: Zanie, D'cal
Description: Zanie tells D'cal about what happened to Renner and why she might not be able to see him anymore.
Location: Dolphin Hall
Date: month 10, day 5 of Turn 3
Notes: Follows "A Shell on the Beach"

"Zanie, I got your note. What is it?" D'cal asked, his voice full of concern.

Zanie stopped pacing, taking two steps toward D'cal before stopping. She looked as if she hadn't slept, with mussed hair and red eyes that looked suspiciously like she'd been crying. "D'cal..."

"What's wrong?" he asked, closing the remaining distance between them. "Zanie what's happened?" D'cal reached out for her.

She stiffened slightly in his arms, shaking her head. "Renner almost died, D'cal. He--" "Shhhh," he whispered, pulling her closer. "It's ok. You said _almost_
right? So he'll be ok now?"

"I--I think so..." The tears were threatening again, the ones she'd shoved down until out of Renner's presence. "It was my fault, D'cal."

"What? How can that be?" He looked at her with tender concern in his eyes. It was obvious that something really bad had happened to Renner, and he felt bad for the guy despite his disagreeable nature, but he felt even worse for Zanie.

Zanie hid her face in his shoulder, shaking her head. "He was so upset, and I left him. I knew that he's had a hard time..."

"You didn't leave him on purpose. You didn't know something would happen to him." He rubbed her back gently, hoping to sooth her with his touch.

"He--" Another sob took her as she remembered how she'd found Renner, his arms bandaged and looking so pale. "He thought I wasn't coming back.
He tried to--to--"

"Shhhhh..." D'cal kissed her head gently. "But he's all right now."

"Y-yes... But he was looking for me, D'cal! He went to my rooms for help and I wasn't there..." The guilt she'd been wallowing in threatened to swallow her. "I wasn't there for him."

"But you _would_ have been if you had known," he reassured her. "I'm sure he knows that."

This was going to be harder than she'd thought, especially since he was being so nice. "But I can't take the chance that I won't be there next time, D'cal."

He pulled back slightly and looked down into her face, trying to search her eyes. "What are you trying to say, Zanie?"

"I need some time," she said quietly, looking away. "I can't spend as much time with you as I have been... at least until Renner is better. He needs me, D'cal... sometimes I think I'm the only person he'll actually talk to."

"Well, I know you have to be there for your friend, but... How often _can_ I see you?"

Zanie shook her head. "I don't know. It may not be much at all. It might be best--I mean, it was already so hard to find time together. Maybe you should find someone who can be there for you." "But... I don't _want_ to find someone else." Shards, this couldn't be happening again. "I don't want you to either," she whispered, finally looking up at him.
She was crying again, eyes red and puffy and lashes tangled. "But I don't want you to wait for something I might not be able to be, D'cal.
You deserve so much better than that." D'cal just couldn't understand. "But why _can't_ it be?"

"I can't do this now D'cal, please--" She scrubbed tears from her eyes, trying to pull herself together. "They're sending Renner away in a sevenday. After he's gone... well, maybe we can talk again. But I won't be able to see you before that. Just... please think about it D'cal." "All right," he finally agreed. "I will come after a sevenday and we can talk about it."

"I'm sorry," Zanie managed, her voice sounding pained. With one last regretful look at him, she slipped away.

Last updated on the February 13th 2006

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