The State of Things

Writers: Avery, Heather
Date Posted: 10th October 2015

Characters: Chaysea, L'pin
Description: Chaysea talks to L'pin about the state of their relationship.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 2, day 4 of Turn 8
Notes: Mentioned: Panitath, Elleth, Riyanth, Alina, Sh'del

It had taken Chaysea a while to work up her courage to confront L'pin,
after all, she _did_ care for him, and the thought of losing their
tentative relationship made her ache. However, she just couldn't stand
by and wait for him to pay her attention any longer. He always
apologized for being so busy yet Chaysea particularly noticed how he
had time for Alina's music lessons and any other thing that she
needed.

**Apparently you have to ride a Weyrling dragon and moan about
Weyrlife all the time to get the man's attention.** What disappointed
Chaysea the most was that she felt as if she and L'pin had been _so
close_ to something really special when they had first started dating.
That, of course, had been before he'd accepted the position back on
the Weyrling Staff. They'd gone swimming and on picnics, shells, he'd
been the first man to _ever_ see her in a bathing suit.

Going to his office, Chaysea knocked on his door, running her hands
nervously over her skirt as she waited.

L'pin was staying in his office later than he'd meant to. Dinnertime
had passed already. But he was taking more and more time scrutinizing
his hides with notes on each weyrling, even though he knew every word
by heart by now. He wanted to avoid repeating the mistake with Riyanth
or Elleth's classes that he'd made with Panitath's, and unfortunately
it looked like T'shas was going to need additional attention or to be
held back. The idea of losing any more of the weyrlings tore at his
heart. He was reminded of why he'd quit the job in the first place.

**Please don't be a weyrling,** he thought when he heard the knock on
the door. He didn't want to have to deal with a personal crisis this
time of the evening.

"Come in," is what he called. He was surprised to see Chaysea, sitting
up straight in the chair and hoping the shadows under his eyes didn't
show too badly. "Oh hello, my lovely Headwoman. How are you?"

"I'm not great, L'pin." Chaysea said honestly as she shut the door
behind herself and then took a seat in front of his desk. "We need to
talk." She said, without preamble.

He stood up from behind the desk, letting the hides sift down and
taking a seat also in front of the desk. "What's wrong?" he asked.

Her green eyes lifted to his, "Can you remember the last time we had
dinner together, L'pin?" She waited for one quiet moment and then
asked, "Or can you remember the last time we went swimmer together?
No? What about a picnic?"

Dinner he was pretty sure had happened recently. But swimming and a
picnic? It must have been...the last two had to have been before the
weyrling death. Which meant at least two sevendays. His mouth clicked
shut and his leg stopped tapping on the ground as he realized that.
Had he really been that consumed with the weyrlings?

"I've been a terrible courter," he blurted out. "You must think I
don't care about you."

Chaysea tilted her head, "I don't know if I would go that far, but I
will say that I wish you had as much passion for me as you do for the
Weyrlings. The sad part is that I can't even see a break for you in
the future with the way the Queens here seem to clutch one right after
the other in an unending cycle."

Chaysea had hit on an excellent point. Panitath's clutch was gone;
Riyanth's clutch was at the midpoint; Elleth's had just hatched. By
the time Riyanth's was graduating, Panitath would have gone up again.
He'd never have a breathing period between clutches like had happened
when he first came to the Cove.

He'd been able to tear himself away from the weyrlings then because he
thought someone else could watch them. But with Satai's recent death,
he'd either been working with them, poring over their records, or
getting drunk to avoid thinking about them.

"I was doing better about seeing you before we lost Satai, wasn't I?"
he asked, wanting to make sure he was right about when he'd stopped
spending any time with her.

"You were doing... okay." She settled for saying because she knew how
hard Satai's death had hit him.

"But since then, I've been terrible." He sighed. "I'm sorry. You're
right to be mad."

"I understand you have a job that keeps you busy, so do I, but I need
more, L'pin. I spent Turns taking care of a man that could have been
my grandfather. I'm ready for a real relationship, like I see so many
other people have."

He looked down at his hands as she spoke, watching the way his
knuckles lightened as he squeezed his hands together. The idea that
she was breaking up with him hurt, and he had to take a few deep
breaths. "And if I'm this committed to the weyrlings, I'm not giving
you enough of myself. That's not fair to you, it's not right."

"You're right, it's not fair, but I don't want to lose you either.
It's taken me several days to get up the nerve to do this. As
Headwoman a lot of responsibility is placed on my shoulders, but when
I come home in the evenings, I leave all that behind. You _never_
leave the Weyrlings behind. You are a Weyrlingmaster all the time, you
never let it rest." Chaysea reached out for L'pin's hands. "Stop
living in the past, and live right now, with me, or," she shrugged her
shoulders and then looked toward his desk covered in papers, "keep
living in the past, trying to change what is inevitable."

Rather than replying immediately, he let the silence stretch, giving
her heartfelt words the sincere consideration they deserved. Every
word Chaysea said was right. He wasn't able to leave the weyrlings
behind, he was never 'off duty'. It wasn't viable if he wanted a
future with her.

And to be honest, it might not be viable for his own future. He
remembered talking to the healers to get sleeping draughts that first
month after his son's death because he couldn't sleep without horrible
visions. He remembered drinking heavily the night Satai died and
waking up thinking his head was falling off. This wasn't healthy.

He unfolded his hands from each other so she could take one, trying
not to see the ink stains on his fingers as a different kind of stain.
He let his thumb rub over her skin as he tried to find his words. And
then, after the silence had stretched on while he thought, he looked up
at her.

"I can't be a Weyrlingmaster all the time, or I'll break. You're
right," L'pin said. "I want there to be a future."

Chaysea felt relieved to hear the man's admission, she had been afraid
that he would automatically choose the Weyrlings over her. "What can
we do to make this better?" She asked him.

"Ideally we'd get N'vanik to give us a Second so Sh'del and I don't have
all the workload. But outside of that..." He stopped to think. "Setting
better boundaries about availability. Not bringing my papers home to my
weyr..." He waited to see what she thought.

"I think that sounds like a good idea. Set yourself office hours and
stick to them and only break them for _real_ Weyrling emergencies."
Faranth knew that teenagers with dragons thought that _everything_ was
an emergency.

"And make it clear that I need at least two nights a sevenday to not
respond to the overnights." He felt like he'd been taking more than
his fair share of them - perhaps perception, or perhaps that the
weyrlings bothered him first.

Chaysea smiled to lighten the mood, "Yes, I believe that at least two
nights a sevenday you'll be responding to overnight 'emergencies' in
the Headwoman's weyr."

He grinned at her. "I understand and look forward to that type."

Last updated on the October 13th 2015

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The State of Things