The Secret to Happiness

Writers: Bree, Gino Holland
Date Posted: 18th August 2004

Characters: V'kor, U'val, Abrei, Tiya
Description: The Secret to Happiness
Location: River Bluff Weyr
Date: month 1, day 12 of Turn 3

Abrei

Vykor dutifully reported back to the weyrhealer three days later. He
heard a conversation going on in her office, so he decided it would
probably be best if he sat on the bench outside her door and patiently
waited.

It wasn't too long before Tiya stuck her head out the door. "There you
are!" Smiling she gestured. "Come on in, U'val's here with Master Abrei,
and they're just waiting for you now."

Vykor walked in a little meekly, but he didn't hesitate too terribly
much. "I'm just here for my checkup, weyrhealer," he said softly.

Abrei smiled. "U'val, this is the candidate I told you about. Vykor,
this is U'val. He's going to talk to you for a half candlemark or so."

The older blue rider gave Vykor a friendly smile. "Hello, Vykor."

"Hello. Did I do something wrong? I swear I didn't know. Most people
don't tell me the lesser rules." Vykor was stammering over himself.
Wavebird landed and Vykor barely noticed, and Wavebird began glaring at
U'val for upsetting his human.

"Whoa, slow down, son. No one is in any trouble, here." U'val glanced at
Abrei. "You didn't tell him why he was here?"

The Weyrhealer looked slightly embarrassed. "I rather figured that was
better left to you."

After being reassured that he was not in trouble, Vykor relaxed a bit.
Then something in his mind clicked. "Oh, that's right. You wanted me to
speak to someone." Once this realization settled over him, his gaze
moved to his shoes and "I'm sorry" came out as a slightly loud whisper.

Abrei looked exasperated, but U'val gave her a stern look and waved at
her chair. "Go sit yourself down, Abrei, before you injure your leg.
Vykor and I will leave the infirmary to you and take a walk." He gave
Vykor a cheerful wink. "I get to talk to her that way," he explained in
an exaggerated whisper, "because I was there the day she was born. I
still have to be careful, though, or she's likely to thwack me in the
legs with that cane she's carrying."

Rolling her eyes, Abrei settled into the chair in front of her desk.
"Vykor, why don't you go out for a walk with U'val before he gets on my
nerves?"

Vykor, still not completely sure what was going on, but too afraid to
anger either of these important people, silently got up and held the
door open for U'val while he finished his goodbyes, and then silently
closed the door after he left. After walking for a few seconds in
silence, he dared himself to speak. "So, what did you want to talk
about?"

U'val smiled. "Abrei told me you've been having a hard time adjusting to
the Weyr. I've seen a few hard times in my day, and she thought you
might need someone to talk to who understood."

"Actually, I think it's that other people are having a hard time
adjusting to me and they would rather that I leave." Vykor's expression
was very sullen.

Ignoring the candidate's expression, U'val gave an encouraging nod. "Are
they giving you a hard time?"

"Well, what I thought was almost everyone turned out to be only one
person. I just wish I knew what I did to make him hate me so much. I
never did anything to anybody. What could cause someone to despise
another person so much?" Vykor's face and voice at this point were
completely neutral.

"Surprisingly enough, I think the deepest hate springs from jealousy."

"Really?" Vykor was shocked. "Jealous? Of me? What's so special about
me?" His question was obviously rhetorical.

U'val chuckled. "Depends on who you're asking, doesn't it? People who
bully others usually have very little about themselves that they feel
good about. The only way they can make themselves feel better is by
trying to get the best of someone else."

"That doesn't make any sense." Vykor said after pondering it a moment.
"By making someone else feel worse, you aren't better in any way at all.
Your standing doesn't improve one whit. All you do is make yourself
hated or feared, but still miserable. Or do I have it completely wrong?"

"No, you have it completely right," U'val replied. "But you're not
factoring in something that some people crave." The old man's face was
serious. "Power, Vykor. Fear is a form of power, and some people want
it."

"People want fear? That's stupid. Wait. They make people fear them? Ok,
I can understand that. It's still stupid. That kind of power is a trap
waiting to be stepped in. As soon as you lose the fear, people turn on
you and you're nothing." Vykor was obviously talking more to himself
than to U'val. "Of course, I'm still at square one, because I have
nothing."

"No, you're not." U'val held up his hand and stuck up one finger. "First
of all, you've just realized something men twice your age haven't...
that bullies always lose in the end." He stuck up a second finger.
"You're a candidate at the Weyr, and even though you might not have made
many friends so far, I think you'll find that if you open up to the
other candidates, they'll be happy to be your friends."

Vykor pondered this for a moment. **This is going to sound really stupid
or really naïve.** "Do you really think so? After all, I've been here
how long now?" he asked.

"How many people have you approached?" U'val smiled. "Some of them are
every bit as shy as you are... if not more. Did you know that Abrei's
little apprentice. Tiya, I think her name is. she's stood for three
Hatchings and not found a dragon yet. She hasn't made many friends among
the candidates because she's just too shy."

Vykor stopped walking and sat down on a nearby bench. "Ok, you've got me
there. I haven't really tried myself. I guess I'm too scared. I
accidentally met a green rider a couple days ago. She /said/ she wants
to be my friend, but this was after we got into a shouting match. You
might have heard it, or heard of it, I don't know. I haven't seen her
since, so maybe she forgot or she was just trying to make me feel
better. Or she just could be too busy for me."

U'val lowered himself to the bench with a wince for his joints, which
had been worse than usual of late. "And have you gone to find her?"

Vykor blushed slightly. "I tried yesterday for about a candlemark, but
she was busy. and I don't want to get my hopes up, just in case."

"Well, that is your choice, of course." U'val sat back. "But if you
don't take the chance, then you can't blame anyone but yourself when
nothing happens."

"This might sound silly, but I'm scared. The thing is, I don't know if
I'm more scared of the fact that she won't want to be my friend, or
scared of the fact that she really does. Am I just a coward? Is that why
I didn't Impress?" he asked, trying to solve his eternal puzzle.

"How many Hatchings have you stood for, boy?"

"Just one, sir. I arrived a sevenday or two before the hatching. Just
enough time to get settled and shoved into candidate robes."

"Well, son. Forgive me for saying it, but I think you're being a bit of
a fool." He leveled his gaze on Vykor. "I grew up in the weyr and stood
six Hatchings before I Impressed. There are few candidates who haven't
stood at one or two before the Impress. That's the way of things, and if
you listened to those around you, you would know it."

"But.. but. " Vykor looked astonished. "But one of the weyrlings told me
after he Impressed that if I hadn't by now, I probably wouldn't, and
eventually the Weyr would ask me to leave, as they couldn't have
candidate hopefuls taking up valuable space in the barracks. But if you
stood at six." Now Vykor started to look angry. "I don't care. I'll do
whatever it takes to stand at every hatching there is until I Impress. I
don't care if it doesn't happen until I'm forty Turns old." The fire of
determination could almost be felt.

U'val was having a hard time keeping up with Vykor's violent attitude
shifts. Going from despair to enthusiastic determination in a few
moments was not normal. However, there was something that needed to be
addressed. "Who was this weyrling?"

"His name was D'varus. He was already here when I arrived, and he
claimed that it was his first hatching. He was lying, wasn't he? He'll
probably get his in the end, and I won't have to do anything."

"D'varus?" U'val tried to put a face to the name. "I don't know, but
probably not. Some people Impress the first time, Vykor. Some people
don't. If he was saying that to upset you, then I'm sure the
Weyrlingmaster will have words for him. But you shouldn't have let it
upset you."

"You're right, I shouldn't have. It's just that I don't know anything
about dragons, and when I didn't Impress, that's when everything really
started. I just want to do something right so much that I'm afraid to do
anything wrong." His attitude and emotion seemed to have balanced out
again.

"Well, maybe you need to relax a bit, Vykor. After all, you're not the
only one who didn't Impress at this Hatching."

"I know. It's just that I want to /be/ somebody, and the most important
somebody's are dragon riders. I tried being a harper, and I don't know
what I did wrong, and my former master won't tell me. I know that
harpers are important, just under the lord holders, right? And the lord
holders are just under dragon riders. I hope I do find out what I'm
meant to be before it's too late for me to do something about it. After
all, who ever heard of a thirty turn old apprentice?"

U'val shrugged one shoulder. "I'm a seventy-five turn old journeyman. Is
rank all that really matters to you?"

"You're a journeyman?" Vykor's mouth was agape. "You sound like a master
to me. I guess rank doesn't matter. My father always said that you can't
rest until you're the best of the best." He threw up his hands and
huffed in frustration. "I don't know what I want anymore. If you're just
a journeyman, and you're happy, then I guess you have all you want,
right? So if you're happy and you're not the best, then what is my
father?"

Deciding not to be insulted by the several impolitic comments, and
smiled. "This really isn't about your father, Vykor. This is about what
you think."

"Well, my father's views are all I've ever been shown. But now that I
think about it, I'm not my father, am I? I guess that sounds both stupid
and obvious at the same time. I guess, in the end, as long as I'm happy,
that's all that matters, right?"

U'val shrugged both shoulders. "That is the important question here,
Vykor. And I think it's the one you need to think about on your own. I
can't answer it for you."

"I know. For the most part, I'm thinking out loud. When I talk out loud,
it seems to make more sense than when I say it in my head. Does that
make me crazy?"

"Not at all!" U'val rested a hand on Vykor's shoulder. "I'll tell you
what I'll do, son. I want you to go away and think about what we talked
about. I'll talk to the Headwoman and clear up your schedule a bit, and
I'll see you again in a few days. You can think of any other questions
you have, and I'll do my best to answer them."

"O-of course, sir. Just tell me a day and I'll find you." Vykor looked a
bit surprised at the sudden announcement regarding the end of their
talk. He was enjoying it immensely. "I want to thank you, sir. This is
the best I've felt in a long time. No one ever really wanted to listen
to me before."

"I'll listen to you," U'val replied with a friendly smile. "All you have
to do in return is promise me that you'll listen to me, as well."

"I promise. Now that I think about it, everyone I've actually spoken to
and been around has been really nice to me, so I don't know why I feel
the way I do. One last question before I go. If I don't have a reason
to feel this way, why do I?"

U'val smiled. "There's no simple answer, Vykor. All I can tell you is
that people are capable of extrodinary self-deception when they feel
threatened. Sometimes it seems like it might be easier not to have to
deal with other people--to see them all as enemies. At least that way
there's no danger of letting someone hurt you."

"I admit, sometimes it is easier thinking that way, but it's awfully
lonely, too."

"That is is, Vykor. That it is."

Last updated on the September 8th 2016

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