Carried History

Writers: Miriah, Yvonne
Date Posted: 30th December 2016

Characters: J'ackt, Alun
Description: Alun is still working with J'ackt but information is scarce.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 9, day 6 of Turn 8

J'ackt

Alun stood admiring the view, his hands loosely laced behind his back
as he waited. He'd commandeered a small weyr above the Infirmary for
his office, his latest patient giving him the idea. J'ackt hated to be
cooped up and it was a well-known fact that the sight of greenery was
good for the mind. The mindhealer glanced at the candle in the corner
and suppressed a sigh, then wandered back to one of the comfortable
chairs in the shade of the overhang. He was just about to sit when
there was a knock and the young bronzerider entered.

Alun nodded amiably. "Good evening, J'ackt."

Walking in, J'ackt pushed his hand through his hair and began with his
customary. "Nothing new, I've not stabbed anyone and I'm using the
punching bag." He plopped in the seat and his legs stretched out in a
sprawl as he leaned back and stared at Alun. "No fighting, yada yada.
Do we have to do this today?"

"What, you're not looking forward to our chat? I'm hurt." Alun shook
his head sadly as he settled himself. This had become their routine
greeting. "One day you'll miss me."

"Least I know I won't have to do this forever." J'ackt snorted. His
toe began to tap, but not as rapidly as it did in the small confines
of his office. "Isn't Cyradis satisfied with this yet?" It was a
common complaint and he interrupted before he could get the expected
answer with a snort. "I know... if she was, I'd not be here."

"Clever!" Alun picked up his patient records for J'ackt and thumbed
them open. "Looks like the punching bag is still working; you've got a
good review from the Wing this sevenday. How did you feel the last
Threadfall went?"

At that J'ackt glowered. "They put me in charge of a Nine. I told
Cyradis and Kapera that if anyone died because they made that stupid
decision, then it was on their heads, not mine." Of course nothing had
happened and Zith had performed very well, J'ackt still despised being
forced into the position. His foot began to tap a little faster in
annoyance. His next words came out as a growl as he rose and
immediately began to pace. "If they keep trying to force me into their
little fecking mold, I'll break the bloody thing right over their heads."

"How did Zith feel about leading a Nine?" Alun asked.

That made J'ackt turn and scowl at Alun. "How do you think?" He
snorted and walked behind his chair, drumming his fingers over the
back as he stopped and exhaled. "Fine. He liked it just fine."

"And I'm sure that he was very good at it too. He's smart and fast,
and bronzes like to be in charge. He did just turn one last month, so
if it helps you could think of it as a birthingday present to your
dragon from the Weyrleaders." Alun paused as he looked at his notes.
"Come to think of it, when is your birthingday? I don't have anything
written down."

There was a snort. Zith had liked it far too well, in his opinion. The
dragon had been strutting like a yard fowl afterwards and nothing
J'ackt said could have diverted the bronze from wanting more of it.
And too, it had felt..._right_. Right for he and his dragon and he
didn't like the fact that Cyradis and Kapera had been sharding right
about the whole bloody thing.

Alun's next question startled him out of that contemplation. "Huh?"
His brow furrowed and he shrugged, a little uncomfortable. "Dunno.
Never celebrated it as far as I remember. Wasn't ever important. Still
isn't." The last was said defensively, a hint of withdrawal in his
tone.

"That's too bad. Birthingdays aren't all about parties, although
around here you'd never know it. They provide an opportunity to
reflect on how you've grown and changed over the last turn. What
you've accomplished, and what you'd like to work on. Like Turnover,
but more personal."

He shrugged again, a little more stiffly. He had a very vague memory
of being given a kitten and a special pastry when he was very young,
but it was more images and feelings than anything concrete. "Can't
celebrate what you don't know." He'd never really worried too much
about days before the Weyr, just seasons...and Threadfall. "Can't just
randomly pick a day out of a hat, you know."

He plopped down back on his chair and couldn't help but feel a little
resentful. "Celebrations
over that stuff seems like a waste of time anyways. Got more important
stuff do to." He rested his chin on his hand even as he felt a slight
tightening in his chest. Sometimes, perhaps more than sometimes, he
wished he had had those birthingdays as a child. That he knew what it
was like. That one day had been just for him. He tried to push it
aside and sat up straight.

Alun nodded. "Birthingdays must seem pretty frivolous when you're
Holdless. I'm sure that it was hard, though, the first turn or so as
you adjusted from living by calendar days to living... how did you
mark time?"

This was bordering on uncomfortable and J'ackt didn't look at the man
across from him. He rubbed his fingers over his scarred knuckles as he
shifted in his seat. "I don't remember. I was just a little kid. I
think I remember us living in a cothold once, but..." He waved at his
head, then shook it. "most of what I remember was after that, I
guess."

"So you have no idea how long you were Holdless before you came to the Weyr?"

J'ackt shook his head. "Not really. I mean, I think I'm close to
twenty Turns right now. I think. So, it was a while."

Alun looked the bronzerider up and down with a critical eye. "Twenty
turns, perhaps a bit younger. And you've said before that you don't
really remember living in a Hold. So that would put you at maybe five
or six turns when you were cast out... old enough for a few memories,
but not old enough to remember much. That would mean that you spent
about fourteen or fifteen turns Holdless."

His brow furrowed in response. "Guess so. Why is that important?"

"Just because you were Holdless doesn't mean that you don't have a
history, or that your history started the day you came to the Weyr.
Our pasts can shape who we are, even if they don't dictate who we will
become. Otherwise you wouldn't hear the term 'Holdbred' tossed about
so much, and there'd be no one from the Holds who would ever Impress a
dragon." The Master Healer shrugged. "Aren't you curious?"

With a snort, J'ackt leaned back in his chair and his lips thinned as
he considered it. "I was told growing up that the only thing I should
worry about was getting food, learning to fight and staying alive." He
rubbed the bridge of his nose; he didn't like talking about the past
too much. "Wasn't allowed to ask about anything that happened before
and my mam wasn't allowed to talk to me about it. Got popped in the
jaw when I tried to ask." He exhaled and looked towards the entrance
of the small weyr.

His brow furrowed and he continued staring for a long moment. "When I
was at Emerald Falls...in their cells, one of the men knew what had
happened to my father. That he was a guard there. He was starting to
tell me more, then got interrupted. He never finished. My mam never
told me anything about herself." He gave a bitter half-laugh. "Now
I've got nothing and no one except for Zith. History? My history is
dead except for me."

**I think you carry more of it with you than you know,** Alun thought.
He tapped his quill against the edge of his chair. "I know for a fact
that you have friends here, J'ackt. You might not have a history, but
you're not as alone as you claim. And don't tell me you don't know
it."

"I meant family." J'ackt replied. "Sure, I've got a few friends." He
couldn't deny that Saidrene and N'vanik were probably the closest to
him. Alina had been but...that was a branch of thinking he wasn't
going to go down at the moment. "I don't want kids and don't have any
relations. I guess that's what I meant. "

"That you know of. And family is what you choose to make of it. At the
Weyrs, family can be the one that you make for yourself as well as
your blood relations. My children have several aunties and uncles that
are simply good friends of mine."

That brought an even louder snort. "I'll pass." He continued to stare
out of the weyr, and his arms crossed over his chest stubbornly.
"Don't want it, don't need it."

"I see." J'ackt's body language told a different story, however Alun
wasn't going to press. "Well, in the mean time, I'll write down your
Impression date as your birthingday and I promise I won't throw you a
party when the date rolls around."

"I guess that works as well as any date." J'ackt shrugged.

Last updated on the January 31st 2017

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