On Flights - A Goldrider's View (2/2)
Dragonsfall Weyr
Amber Hills Hold
Vintner Hall
Healer Hall
Hidden Meadows
Dolphin Cove Weyr
Dolphin Hall
Emerald Falls Hold
Harper Hall
Printer Hall
Green Valley Hold
Leeward Lagoon Hold
Barrier Lake Weyr
Sunstone Seahold
Citrus Bay Hold
Writers: Avery
Date Posted: 12th April 2017
Characters: A'vel, Kapera
Description: A'vel talks to Kapera about dragon flights and human relationships.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 10, day 7 of Turn 8
Notes: Mentioned: L'pin
Notes: Part 6 in the "A'vel's First Flight" sequence
A'vel's eyes widened at her last words. He knew he was probably supposed
to be focusing on what she was saying about how dragons misinterpreted
relationships. But the last thing she'd said gave him images in his brain,
the very scandalizing kind. "Did you ever do that?" he blurted out.
"A threesome with blueriders?" the goldrider asked, quirking a black
eyebrow. "I have. I enjoy men, and they enjoyed each other, and it was a
very good night."
"Oh." He flushed at the thought. Here it was hard enough to imagine
himself with a man. To imagine Kapera talking so casually about being with
two at once, and presumably them doing things with each other… It was
scandalizing indeed.
"That's perfectly acceptable at a Weyr," she said gently. "As long as
everyone's interested in their partner's gratification as well as having
their own, it's all right to do here. I know the Holds see it
differently."
"It's not _ right_ for men to be with men there. I heard that all the
time. They called me sissy, a girl, a man-lover, Weyr trash. They said it
for _Turns _, Weyrwoman," he blurted out, feeling tears spring to his eyes
as he recounted the awful things he'd been called.
"They made me ashamed and afraid. And now I'm being told that I can't be
afraid. I have to embrace this right now so I can get experience so I
don't hurt Tsogath. But every time I think about it, it just makes me
sick!"
The green weyrling's confession spurred two feelings in Kapera. One was
helplessness. She'd never faced this kind of guilt over her sexuality and
she didn't know what to do to comfort him. The other was anger. She
remembered the Hatching drama over his Impression, the way his high
ranking father had come in and argued that his son just could not be a
greenrider. She could just imagine that he'd heard some of those insults
from his father. It made her furious. She wasn't sure if that feeling
would help her reach A'vel or not.
"You shouldn't have been made ashamed. That's their fault," she said,
getting up from behind the desk and coming over to put a hand on his
shoulder.
"They never should have done that to you. Know that Tsogath and the Weyr,
we are your family, and we won't let you be ashamed of being who you are.
You are special and all of your teachers really like you," she said
fiercely.
A'vel sniffled. He appreciated the kind words. Being told he was worth
something by a goldrider mattered. It was like getting praise from a
Master Harper would have felt, back in the days when he was an apprentice
and nothing else.
"Thank you, Weyrwoman," was all he could manage.
Kapera squeezed his shoulder again for reassurance, then sat down in the
chair next to him, rather than across the desk. "You sad you feel sick
when you think about sex with men?"
A'vel nodded.
"You can't unlearn all of that right now. But you need to at least be
comfortable enough for Tsogath. Kissing, letting a man touch you, even if
you can't touch him back because it feels wrong," she advised. "Just relax
into it enough that you won't be virgin and it won't hurt. Then you'll be
able to make it through her flight just fine."
"What if I'm not comfortable after the flight?" he asked. "What if I never
like it?"
Kapera sighed, but it was fond rather than exasperated. "You don't have to
love it and have it every night like me," she told him. "You don't have to
rush out and find a weyrmate tomorrow. You just have to be open to her
flights. And it's possible that after the first few times, you'll find you
enjoy it and it becomes anticipation and not dread. Our feelings can
change over time."
"I see," he said, but he sounded dubious.
"Do you have some thoughts on who to practice with?" she asked.
"L'pin gave me some names. I can ask them..." he said hesitantly.
"Go ahead and do that," she said. "Every time it feels wrong or you're
ashamed, ask Tsogath if she loves you and see if that helps."
"Okay," A'vel said.
"I'll make you a promise," she added.
The weyrling's curiosity was roused. "What?" he asked.
"One: when Tsogath rises, I will check on you and her. I'll make sure you
get to the cots safe and no one will hurt you," she said. "I'll see you
after if you want."
"Okay," he said again. "Is that the promise?"
"Yes. Well, one of them. The second one is, I'll tell you about a time I
was ashamed of myself."
"You, ashamed?" A'vel couldn't imagine it. "That must be quite a story."
"I'll tell it to you. After her first flight. You'll have to stick around
to hear it," Kapera said.
"Thank you for being so generous, Weyrwoman." This was far more than he'd
expected. A'vel felt humbled she was taking this much of an interest in
him.
"I want to help our weyrlings succeed. Are you good to enjoy your
restday?" she asked, offering him a handkerchief from a side table.
A'vel blotted his face and then nodded. "I am. Thank you," he said again.
"Have fun," Kapera said, and watched him depart the office.
}:Tsogath says he is feeling better. We did good,:{ Riyanth said to her
rider.
Well...that hadn't gone so bad. Kapera hoped she'd gotten through to
A'vel. But she wouldn't know if she'd really helped until Tsogath's first
flight.
}:It is not very soon,:{ Riyanth said after assessing the green. }:I will
tell you when it happens.:{
And then they would deal with whatever happened. She found she liked the
young man. For his sake, Kapera hoped his virgin flight went fine.
Last updated on the April 25th 2017