Things Not Revealed (2/2)

Writers: Avery, Yvonne
Date Posted: 1st August 2017

Characters: Kapera, J'nus
Description: Kapera and J'nus have a serious chat.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 12, day 22 of Turn 8
Notes: Mentioned: Cyradis, D'hol, Jeyme, Chaysea
Notes: part 2 of 2

Kapera

"With the influx of new riders, maybe there will be a new Wing and
you'll become a Wingleader. Then you'd qualify for an upgrade, if you
wanted," she said. "Or maybe you'll become Weyrleader."

"Maybe." He'd led a Wing briefly at Dragonsfall Weyr but had
ultimately been passed over for someone younger and in better favour
with the Weyrleader. It seemed to be a pattern in his life. The
bronzerider shifted in
his seat and sought safer ground. "Or maybe Kopth will catch Riyanth
again when she rises. _All_ the perks, none of the hidework."

"Unless I give you the job of the clutch charts," she threatened
playfully. "I'm sure I could find inventive hidework."

"You could try. I'm sure I could find a way to distract you." J'nus'
fingers tightened around the goldrider's.

Oh, he could always distract her. It was why she always came back to
him, even when she flirted elsewhere. He was magnetically compelling
to her and she always found her way back into his orbit, like a moth
drawn to a flame.

"Oh, I'm sure. If you wanted to," she said. It was supposed to be a
flirtatious statement. But instead there was a hesitation, a
wistfulness, in her tone she hadn't meant to be there.

J'nus heard it and wished it meant something. She was probably just
blue. There was certainly enough reason for her to be. He brought her
hand to his lips and kissed the back of it. "I always want to distract
you. In fact, I'm feeling pretty strongly compelled to distract you
now from whatever's on your mind."

His lips grazed her hand, rough against her skin, and prickles broke
out. The goldrider could tell what he was offering. It would be so
easy to just sink against him, let him touch her and have that burn
away the fog of sadness and grief that had been surrounding her. It
would be easy, and safe. Two things he made her feel that others didn't.

But easy and safe weren't the only things she liked in her life, and
she'd been so reckless and hedonistic the last few sevendays. The call
of throwing herself off yet another cliff beckoned, and she opened her
mouth to say something she hadn't expected to bring up.

"Do you remember when I was sick a few months ago? In month 4?"

J'nus paused. "Yes?"

"It wasn't a cold. The contraceptive teas... they failed. And Panitath
had just had her Hatching and wasn't back to leading the Wing, and..."

"You were pregnant," J'nus said flatly. He sat back in his chair,
grappling with the implications of what she _hadn't_ said. Why would she
tell him
unless it was his? Would she tell him if it wasn't his? Did she even
know who the father was? And why would she tell him this now, over a
half a Turn later? "And... what?"

"Have you met me? I'd be a _terrible_ mother," the goldrider
exclaimed, throwing a hand up into the air. "I'd carry the child for
six months just to abandon it at the creche. They're just
inconvenient, squalling brats that suck away your body and your attention.

"So...I dealt with the situation. It was just something I had to do
and it didn't seem important to talk about it with anyone," she said
with a shrug.

"And then Jeyme left D'hol. He was talking about the importance of
family, of how upset he was at his child being taken away. Like babies
were something people wanted and cherished, not And it made me
realize. I should have told you I was pregnant. Asked you what you
wanted. At least told you about it, then..."

"So you think _I_ was the one who got you pregnant." J'nus shook his
head. She probably had no clue, and he was convenient. Like always.
"Kapera, this happened months ago. What good would saying anything now
do?"

Her knee-jerk reaction was to be stung by the part where he didn't
seem to care that she was confessing something _important_. She nearly
snapped something harsh, but then she stopped, took a breath,
remembered why she wanted to tell J'nus this.

D'hol's misery had made her reflect on her own short pregnancy and
made her feel guilty about not telling J'nus at the time. She had
never asked him if he'd wanted children, never considered that he
might have wants and that they might have mattered. Would J'nus have
cared about the child if she'd borne it? Would he have been furious if
she'd left with it? She didn't know, and that had eaten at her over
the past couple of nights.

"I was thinking about solving my own problems and I didn't think about
it affecting you. I don't know if you would have wanted children. I
should have asked you and I didn't. So... I guess this is a late
apology. For being selfish."

It was a hard thing for her to say. Kapera wasn't used to apologizing,
or even thinking she had to.

He blinked. An apology for being selfish-- and an excuse to bring up
something like this months later because it bothered _her_, nevermind
how he felt. A selfish apology if there ever was one. J'nus longed for
something stronger than juice. He didn't want to be angry at Kapera,
and yet now here they were. "I... appreciate the apology, but I
_don't_ appreciate the fact that you didn't bother to speak to me
about this until now. I thought you trusted me."

She'd expected him to immediately forgive her like he always did. But
she had hidden something very big from him. It was probably a big
surprise and they both needed time to deal.

"I should have trusted you on this," she said softly. "It was a
mistake not to. I've been making a lot of those and I want to clear
them off my plate."

**Yes, you have.** The bronzerider shook his head, trying to collect
his thoughts. She'd had a part in chasing D'hol's weyrmate out of
Dolphin Cove, she'd kept secrets, and she still only seemed to think
about it in terms of how it affected her. As much as he cared for her,
the goldrider sometimes seemed so... _young_. Infuriatingly young. "So
what's going to change, Kapera?" he asked quietly.

She hesitated, not quite sure of what to tell him. "I want to work on
telling you things that are important when they happen and not wait
until later. I want to be more responsible and manage interpersonal
problems better. To be a better person and a better goldrider."

He nodded. The bronzerider hoped that she was telling the truth and
that she'd remember her intention after she walked out his door. "I
hope so. And I hope that you do find a way to trust me, someday."

"I'll do better. You'll see." She hesitated in the chair, then made to
get up, figuring he wouldn't want anything more to do with her right
now. "Have a good night, J'nus."

He hesitated, then held out his hand. It was easier to tuck his anger
away for later than watch her leave. J'nus hated watching Kapera leave.
"You don't need to go. Not if you don't want to."

The desire for comfort won out over the desire to escape from the
awkwardness. "I'd like to spend the night here and sleep with you. And
it can be just sleep, if you want."

He took her hand and pulled her onto his lap, wrapping his arms
possessively around her. Usually the goldrider got what she wanted, but
after all that had been said J'nus wasn't feeling indulgent. "We'll see."

Last updated on the September 2nd 2017

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Things Not Revealed (2/2)