If You Need Anything...

Writers: Bree, Eimi
Date Posted: 18th March 2006

Characters: D'cal, Zanie
Description: D'cal and Zanie discuss where their relationship goes from here...
Location: Dolphin Hall
Date: month 10, day 13 of Turn 3

D'cal leaned up against Aosorath, drawing small circles in the sand with a twig. Part of him couldn't wait to see Zanie. Shards, he had missed her. He had missed holding her and touching her. He had missed the feeling of normalcy it gave him. But the other part just knew that whatever she had to say was not going to be easy to hear. Letting out a deep breath he took comfort from his blue's constant presence in his thoughts.

}:She comes.:{ He didn't look up at Aosorath's warning. The blue's rider just continued to draw little circles, afraid to see the look on her face, afraid to know if the final verdict was for him or the dour journeyman. "D'cal?" Her voice sounded uncertain and she trailed to a stop a few paces away.

He looked at the sound of his name. No, this didn't look good at all. "Hi there," he said, mustering a smile. "I won't bite."

She didn't return the smile. "You look so unhappy, though... shards, D'cal. I never wanted you to be unhappy..."

"Yeah, well, you wouldn't be the first girl," he shrugged, looking back down at the circles he was drawing in the sand. "And Renner? Is he gone now?"

Zanie wrapped her arms around her middle, feeling terrible. "They won't say for how long... it could be months."

"Is that it then?" he asked turning his eyes back up to hers.

"I don't know." Her voice sounded lost and small. "I... shards, D'cal. I don't know what to do."

"Does he feel for you? I mean... Is whatever it is you're feeling a mutual one?" Shards, this felt just way too familiar.

"It's not like _that_," she replied, finally looking at him. "I don't...
we're not intimate. We're friends. We're _close_ friends. I care about him, and I'd do anything to help him." He tossed the twig away and looked up to meet her eyes. "If that's all there is to it, then why is there even a doubt? It's not as if you couldn't love me and be his friend too."

"I could love you," she replied, but her voice sounded tired. "That's what I'm worried about, D'cal... I know how much Dyaera hurt you, even if you won't say it. And Renner... he's going to need a _lot_ of attention. A lot of time. And I don't want us to spend the next couple months leading you on if I'll have to stop when he gets back. It's not fair to you."

"But I don't understand why you would have to stop." Shards, but she was talking in big wide circles! "You say that you could love me, but you would chose him over me. It sounds like you love _him_."

"D'cal, it's not the same _kind_ of love!" she exclaimed. "I love him, too! Just because I don't want to sleep with him doesn't mean he's not my best friend... If you want to spend time with me until he gets back, I would love to be with you. But you deserve to know that I'll be whatever he needs." "Whatever Renner needs..." D'cal noticed that what _he_ needed wasn't even a part of that statement. She had already chosen, whether she could hear it or not. Zanie already knew who she wanted. It may not be a romantic relationship with Renner, but it was only a matter of time... "Yes," she replied quietly. "Because you might be sad if I don't give you what you need, but Renner might end up dead if I don't give him what he needs."

"I thought the point of his leaving was to get the help so he _wouldn't_
try it again," D'cal muttered as he piked up another a small stone and tossed it at a piece of driftwood. "And just how much does he need, and how much are you willing to give?"

"I don't know." And she didn't... which was the part that should scare her. Somehow, though, taking responsibility for Renner simply felt right. Maybe it was the guilt, the knowledge that she had driven him to it... for whatever reason, there was something terribly satisfying in agreeing to ignore her hapiness for him. A feeling that someone needed her so much there was no danger of ever losing them. Shards, what was it about him that made him always second class in everyone's minds. This was the third time a girl had decided that he just wasn't good enough to be first in their life. It just wasn't fair.
When everyone around him could find happiness, how was it that he always seemed to come so close. Only in Aosorath's mind was ever the first choice. In respose to his thought, the little blue wrapped his tail protectively around his lifemate crooning his love softly and watching him with a concerned eye.

D'cal leaned back against his lifemates blue hide and sighed resignedly.
"Then I guess that's it then."

Zanie couldn't meet his eyes again. "I'm so sorry, D'cal. I made a mess of things. I wish--I wish I hadn't." He couldn't look at her as got to his feet. "If you need me... Well, I guess you know where I live."

She watched him with tired, sad eyes. "The same goes for you, D'cal.
If... if you need anything..."

"Yeah, as long as Renner isn't around..." It was bitter and low, and he knew it. But shards, he was sick of being the one left hurt all the time. He swung up onto Aosorath's neck and waited patiently for her to step back so they wouldn't spray her with sand when they launched into the air and away from that place.

Last updated on the March 19th 2006

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