Unexpected Apologies

Writers: Miriah, Suzee
Date Posted: 14th February 2019

Characters: D'hol, Cyradis
Description: D'hol speaks what's been on his mind.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 9, day 23 of Turn 9

D'hol

Cyradis

D'hol's footsteps were light as they approached the office. It was
early evening and he had just left his own, but thought he might catch
her before she finished for the day. The door was open, so he looked
in and lightly rapped on the frame. "Can you spare a moment before you
pack it in, Cyradis?"

"Sure," she said as she looked up with a smile. She wasn't as wary as
she might once have been of a random visit from D'hol. They'd come
into a balanced sort of relationship with their daughter as the focal
point. "What's on your mind?"

"Thank you." He came in, shut the door behind him and approached her
desk. His brow was furrowed, but the expression on his face didn't
speak of any potential anger or upset; the expression was more
contemplative. Not sitting in the chair, he instead perched on the
corner of her desk, keeping the majority of his weight on one leg.
"I've been wanting to talk to you about this, but..." his brows
furrowed deeper as he continued, "decided to wait until after
Panitath's mating flight." His lips lifted slightly. "Congratulations,
by the way. It was a good flight." He waved it off and continued.
"But, I'm asking you to hear me out completely before saying anything.
Would you do that?"

"Alright," she said more like a question and her eyes narrowed slightly.

"I waited to talk to you because I didn't want you to think I was
being insincere and trying to influence the flight." D'hol took a deep
breath, the words clearly not coming out easily. "After Kielya made me
promise to quit drinking and N'vanik brought it to my attention that
it was affecting my performance, I started seeing a mind-healer. I
couldn't stop on my own." That was singularly hard to admit, and it
was evident by the discomfiture on his face and the tension around his
shoulders. "I've kept seeing him." He didn't look at her, instead
focusing on her hand as he continued. "I suppose I needed the help.
But…it also made me realize some other things."

He paused, his jaw working from side to side as he struggled to put
his thoughts into the right words. "I've wronged you. Badly and in
many ways." He exhaled and slowly reached to pick her hand up and hold
it. "I've let my own temper and bitterness overwhelm everything and
ruin Turns and relationships." He stared at her hand, his thumb
playing over her knuckles. "I never tried to see things from your
perspective and I should have." He finally looked her directly in the
eye. "For every time I've made you cry or hurt you by something I've
done or said, I am so very sorry." He paused and spoke softly. "And it
isn't about being a Weyrleader or even having you in bed with me.
You're happy where you're at and who you're with. K'deren's a good
man. And you were right, you and N'vanik work very well together as a
team. I love you, Cyradis, with every breath and part of me. That
will never change, but I'm not going to try to interfere in what makes
you happy ever again. And I all I ask is, if you can, that you accept
my apology."

It took a moment for her to let that whole speech sink in. She
realized there were moments in life that were huge and unforgettable.
Impressing Panitath; having her first child. Those were huge and so
was this. "Thank you D'hol," she said with every bit of sincerity in
her. "I accept," she added simply and then she stood and put her arms
around him. No one could ever tell her this man wasn't as deep as the
ocean. She'd known that from the very beginning. But then his storms
had broken things beyond repair. "I can't tell you how much that means
to me."

If there had been any reactions from her that he had expected, it
certainly wasn't the embrace she was giving him. He didn't react
immediately, then slowly returned it briefly until he rose to his own
feet and pulled away. "Thank you." His urge to press his lips to hers
was quickly buried, but the ache deep in the pit of his stomach
remained. Despite the embrace and her acceptance, it felt raw and he
had a deep suspicion it would remain so. "You're a good Weyrwoman
Cyradis." He took her hand and raised it to his lips, only brushing
her knuckles lightly. "Have a good night." He let her hand go and
stepped away.

She let her hand drop and just looked up at him for a moment. "You
too," she answered softly. She could see the pain there in his body
language and quick withdrawal. Yet she didn't regret the impulse to
embrace him. The reason he was dangerous to her was that she _did_
care for him in a very personal way. Her sad smile watched him a
moment longer. "I hope you can find your happiness again."

His lips drew up in a self-deprecating smile. "I had my chance and I
made too many mistakes so I lost it. Besides, It's not fair to court
someone when your heart lies elsewhere. I think I've learned that it
doesn't end well and I'm getting too old to try again. Yumath and my
children are enough." He inclined his head, remaining respectful.
"Good night, Cy." At that, he turned and walked away, heading out of
the door.

"Good night," she said to herself since he'd gone and couldn't
possibly hear her. In so many ways it was good yet she was saddened by
the fact that she couldn't reach out and make it better for him. She
took in a deep cleansing breath and sad back down at her desk. But her
hides were blurry for some reason so she rubbed them only to find her
fingers wet. "Shells," she murmured to herself then covered her face
with her hands and just let the tears flow. Maybe it was his use of
his pet name for her or just his general demeanor but the whole thing
both encouraged her and depressed her. He was making progress and that
was a good thing if only her heart could see it that way.

Last updated on the February 28th 2019

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Unexpected Apologies