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Writers: Miriah
Date Posted: 22nd April 2019
Series: The Wingleader's Surgery

Characters: D'hol
Description: D'hol self-reflects
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 10, day 27 of Turn 9

D'hol

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D'hol entered into his weyr, hand pressed lightly over his bandage. He
had thought never to see it again when he had left it last, holding on
to Cyradis' hand. The bed was still mussed from where they had slept
and made love. It was odd, seeing that; he was normally tidier, but if
her scent lingered on the bedding, he didn't want to disrupt it. He
didn't know when or if he would have that scent again.

She had, of course, visited him, but there had been a distance in
between them that felt far too familiar. There had been love still in
her eyes at least, but it was tempered by something else, something he
couldn't define or name. Their conversation had been quiet and soft,
words that he felt needed to be said. He had told her that he would
never ask her to leave K'deren as he had N'lon. He understood how
deeply she loved his Wingsecond and he could give her what she needed.
It was enough, he said, for him to know that she still loved him and
that he could say it freely to her and she would know that he meant
it.

D'hol moved to sit in his favorite chair, wincing slightly. The pain
was less than he had been accustomed to, thank Faranth, but without
the willowsalic, which Urlene had said would make him bleed more
easily, it wasn't blunted. He could bear it if he had borne the pain
before. He had been wrong and the thought that he had come so close to
losing his life and Yumath's through his own stubborn refusal was a
chilling one.

But now, he was uncertain as to what to do. He had been so prepared to
die; he had been ready. It had given him a sense of purpose. He had
spoken to Jeyme about finding some sort of contentment. How could he
simply go back to what he had been doing? It seemed far too simple a
concept. He would have four sevendays before he could return to full
duty and he was at a loss as to what to do with himself during that
time.

Rest? He'd never been very good at that. Jeyme had mentioned a new
lease on life; but he wondered if she was being sentimental. A new
lease on life to do what, exactly? He didn't know. The drive that had
pushed him to finalize his affairs and make amends was gone. He'd done
it all as much as he could. He knew Cyradis loved him, but as he had
told others in the past, there was no such thing as a truly happy
ending.

Their emotions were far too intense; she needed stability. He couldn't
give that to her and they both realized it. Just as he couldn't give
Jeyme what she needed. Apparently, it was a common theme. He decided
that he couldn't dwell on it. He would never weyrmate again; he'd
already decided it was for the best. But what to do with himself now?
He stared out towards his weyrledge, where Yumath now rested. It would
be a long recuperation period with plenty of time to mull it over.

Last updated on the May 3rd 2019

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