Letters of Pain

Writers: Miriah, Suzee
Date Posted: 26th January 2020

Characters: Lorican, Y'gel, Urlene
Description: Lorican leaves messages for Urlene and Y'gel
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 1, day 14 of Turn 10
Notes: Mentioned: Lusilk

Y'gel

Urlene

The two candlemarks Lorican waited in the infirmary seemed to drag on
endlessly, his thoughts in turmoil as he agonized over what he would say
to Urlene - if she came back in time.

He looked around the quiet infirmary, thinking of how easily he'd been
able to simply walk in. As that scarred man - Ilvar - had. He remembered
the fear he'd seen in Lusilk's eyes, imagined the man with a knife as
sharp as hers, and felt sick to his stomach.

He had to do something.

Suddenly the time remaining to him seemed all too short, and he knew she
wasn't going to come. He pushed to his feet and went over to ask the
healer on duty for paper and pen. The man gave him an odd look, clearly
sensing his distress, but said nothing and handed over a few sheets.

The letter to Urlene was written quickly. He tried not to think too hard
about what he was doing. What she'd feel when she read it. Whether she'd
be alone, or if she'd go to the bronzerider for comfort.

Remembering that man, he had a sudden thought. He folded the note, wrote
Urlene's name on it and then took another sheet of paper. He'd only
moments left, so he wrote a few swift lines and signed his name. Then he
returned the pen and asked the journeyman if he'd pass them on to the
Weyrhealer and the Weyrdragonhealer, separately.

Then, with a last hopeless glance over his shoulder, he left the
infirmary and hurried out to the Weyrbowl, where the dragonrider waited
for him.

Urlene emerged fron the surgery, her feet aching from standing so long.
It had been successful, but just barely. The small babe might having
lasting problems from the extended labor, but it would live. Rubbing
her lower back, she winced at the additional ache. It wouldn't be long
before long surgeries would be even more difficult for her.

She sighed, looked up to see Y'gel approaching from across the
infirmary and gave him a tired smile. Before she could cross towards
him, the journeyman Healer who'd been watching the front area reached
her first. "Master Urlene, a man just left this for you. "

Taking the letter, Urlene immediately recognized the writing and her
gaze shot upwards. "Just now? Where did he go?" Excitement gleamed in
her eyes.

"He left. Towards the Weyrbowl." The journeyman was about to mention
Y'gel's letter when Urlene dashed out, lifting her skirts in an effort
to hurry.

Discarding propriety, she ran out to the Weyrbowl and pulled to a stop
as she looked around, trying to find him. "Lorican?" She called out,
then a flash of brown wings caught her eye. Fear stilled her, but then
she saw the familiar form strapped onto him. "Lorican! Wait!" She
waved, and swallowing her fear, hurried forward. Her feet caught on
her skirts and she stumbled, only just catching herself on her hands
before she fell flat. As she looked up, she saw it was too late, the
dragon was in the air.

Lorican twisted in the riding straps, hearing his name called faintly
amid the rush of air and the beating of the dragon's wings. He couldn't
see who it was, but he knew that voice, and it went straight to his
heart like a knife.

As the ground fell away below them, he caught a glimpse of her, the
golden braid shining in the afternoon sun. She looked as though she was
kneeling, and holding something in her hand. Suddenly, what he'd done
struck him like a blow from his hammer, ringing through his body. He'd
made a terrible mistake. He couldn't let her read that cruel letter. He
had to go back, take her in his arms and hold her close and tell her the
truth.

The rider was glancing back at him, shouting something as they cleared
the clifftops, though Lorican couldn't take in the words. Something
about /between/.

He struggled, turning back to the man in a panic, reaching for his
shoulder. "No - wait, I..."

Then the Weyr vanished, and there was only nothingness, and cold, and
silence.

"Urlene" Y'gel said and picked her up, setting her on her feet. "Are
you alright?"

She felt minor stinging along her knees and knew that she'd scraped
them in the fall along with the heels of her hands. But she'd not
fell on her belly. "I'm okay...I'm okay. I tripped over my own feet.
Just a few minor scrapes." She looked up where the dragon had
disappeared. "Lorican was just here and I couldn't catch him before he
left. I wanted to tell him about the baby." Her voice dropped with
both disappointment and exhaustion. "Shard it... Why'd he take off
like that?" She leaned against Y'gel.

It was then that she remembered what was in her hands and
straightened, trying to ignore the sting asking her palms "At least
he left a letter. " she began to unfold it, and frowned, noticing
another letter. "That's odd. I didn't know he'd met you, Y'gel." She
handed it to him, opening her own.

***

Urlene,

I came to the Weyr today to see you, but your apprentice told me that
you were in surgery. I hope that it was successful.

You told me that you had news to share that had brought you happiness. I
also had something to tell you, but it is painful in nature. I have to
tell you that circumstances in my life mean that I can no longer write
to you or consider myself your suitor.

The three days we spent together will remain in my heart forever, but no
amount of happy memories could be worth the hurt my behavior may have
caused you. I am truly sorry. The fault is mine alone; I ought never to
have entered into a courtship which I should have known to be impossible.

I wish you well, knowing that you will find a far better man than me to
love.

Lorican

***

Urlene stiffened as she read the letter, her hands trembling as the
rest of her body went still. She felt a harsh stinging in her eyes
that was quickly blinked away as her body slowly stilled. Every ounce
of every bit of training and pride was required to quell any outward
sign of pain. As her back went straight, it was as though every
piece of armor that she'd been gradually dropping suddenly reemerged,
locking rigidly into place around her. She swallowed once, lifted
her chin and slowly folded the letter back along its creases. "It
seems you were right after all, Y'gel." Her hand went to the swell of
her abdomen. "I've been a fool. Three days is nothing to base hopes
on."

He'd kept his arm around her but turned his head away so as not to see
what her letter said but now he drew her into a two armed embrace.
"I'm so very sorry," he said to the top of her head as he held her. He
had already read the note the smith had left for him.

***

"Master Y'gel,

I have written to Urlene. I can't express how deeply I regret my actions
towards her and the pain I may have caused.

Although I have no right to expect any favors from you, I have something
to ask, all the same. When we met, I could tell that you care for her
very much. For the next few months, please look after her, and keep an
eye out for any strangers showing an interest in her. It's not a request
I can explain, but my hope is that you'll trust me in this, little as I
deserve it.

Lorican

***

Now he said. "Come on, let's go back in." he knew she'd hide back
behind her stern demeanor once she got back into familiar territory
and out from under the view of prying eyes. "You fell pretty hard,
Want me to check you over?"

Urlene squirmed out of Y'gel's embrace and stiffly shook her head. "No.
I'm fine." Fell hard indeed, but not in the way he meant. The stinging
of her scraped knees and palms was nothing compared to how she felt
inside. She felt used, humiliated, and more hurt than she'd ever
realized she could be. It was a lesson that she'd not forget. What had
she been thinking, chasing after Lorican like that, exposing herself to
be nothing more than a foolish, desperate woman-child chasing after some
stupid dream she'd concocted in her own head? "Excuse me, Y'gel. I'll
clean myself up and go back to work. I've got three candlemarks before
my duty shift ends."

She'd hold herself together, she told herself. Going back to the
infirmary, where she belonged, would make her feel better. And then,
she'd go to her apartments, throw out those stupid drawings and
concentrate on what was important. Her duties and her coming child.
_Her_ child.

Y'gel's hands dropped to his sides and he didn't try to hang on to her
as she pushed away. He realized how much she must be hurting just from
the reaction. He watched her go and knew she'd bury herself in her
work rather than face the very real pain she must be feeling. He knew
she needed some time to process it but he was not going to let her
ruin her health. He shook his head. "No, no, that is not going to
happen dear lady." he said to himself. But forced himself to turn and
walk away towards the dragon infirmary. He'd go see her later after
she'd had a chance to at least begin to process some of it. Meanwhile
he needed to put some people and flits on alert.

Last updated on the February 1st 2020

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Letters of Pain