She Wouldn't Want Us to Be Unhappy (2/2)

Writers: Avery, Devin
Date Posted: 15th February 2020

Characters: A'dryn, A'kades
Description: As Nalarith rises, A'dryn is reminded of another flight.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 2, day 3 of Turn 10

~*~Flashback to a turn ago~*~

A'dryn slowly came back to awareness though a haze of satisfaction.
Nalarith was extremely happy, her emotions almost drowning out her
rider's spike of dread. A'dryn knew this feeling now, waking up next
to a man after they'd...

}:Volaith flew me very well.:{ The green was drifting toward sleep,
curled up with her bronze mate.

A'dryn tensed and sucked in a breath.

A'kades woke back slowly, tired and wrung out in a way he recognized
as coming from winning a flight. It might have been deep, and
physically satisfying, the breach in the celibacy he'd kept
almost-perfectly since Lenala's death. But it was also emotionally
sharp and painful. He opened his eyes, looked up at the ceiling which
was unfamiliar, and felt himself tense up with guilt. Here he was, new
to the Weyr, and already winning some poor greenrider's flight.
Because Volaith had seen a dragon to chase and thrown himself at her,
even when his rider wasn't ready to wake up with someone else again.
They wouldn't be Lenala. No one would ever again be Lenala. Maybe
they were still asleep, and he could sneak his way out. He didn't want
to burden anyone else with his feelings of guilt.

He sat up slowly, trying to not move the cot much. His intention had
been to not to look at who he was with, but curiosity was too high and
he couldn't stop himself from looking anyway and then tensing slightly
when he recognized A'dryn.

A'dryn felt a slight movement and curled in on himself. He would _not_
cry. They'd been through this before and it was terrible and awkward
but it hadn't destroyed their relationship. Things would be fine. He
just had to ignore the soreness in his backside and the warmth
stirring in his loins.

**Oh, Volaith, couldn't you have waited?** the bronzerider thought to
his dragon. He hadn't been ready to win a flight again, to have the
physical intimacy with someone. Emotionally, it was complicated, as
well. Was it better to have won a male greenrider's flight, where
there would be no temptation for a second round? Even if it was as
awkward as this, when it was someone who he saw as a mentee. Or would
have been better to catch a woman, to risk winding up with one who
looked even a little like Lenala, where he might be able to close his
eyes and pretend he was with her again?

A'kades couldn't bear to just slink out the room now that he knew it
was a rider he cared about, so he cleared his throat and said,
"A'dryn." and rested a hand on his shoulder.

The young greenrider couldn't help tensing, but he forced his muscles
to unclench. "I didn't quite consider this particular disadvantage to
you moving here."

"I was not expecting Volaith to chase in the first sevenday here,"
A'kades admitted. "I suppose he and Nalarith still have a connection.
I hope we're not _too_ unwanted, if she has to choose bronze?"

That was certainly an idea to contemplate. Was it better to share a
flight with someone he knew would treat him kindly, even if this
intimacy was something neither of them wanted? Could A'dryn possibly
prefer a cold stranger, or a rude wingmate? A'dryn turned to face his
former teacher. "No, not too unwanted," he said softly. "I don't think
I could find a more considerate bronzerider, if my beloved insists on
choosing bronze."

**Why couldn't you chose a blue?** At least those riders had some
interest in male partners and it would be somewhat less awkward.

}:Volaith is very big and strong,:{ came the sleepy answer.

A'kades kept his touch on A'dryn's shoulder as gentle as he could. "It
seems like she does have a preference for bronzes. Or certain ones.
And Volaith doesn't mind," he added with a small chuckle.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm not hurt," A'dryn assured him. The greenrider sat up awkwardly,
dragging the furs with him to cover his lap.

Exhaling, he pressed one hand to his forehead. "It's been some time
and I was...worried, dragon-need would make me rougher," he finally
said. "I'm glad you're all right,"

"So it's been a while since you... caught a male rider?"

A'kades had tried to exercise as much control over the bond between
them as he could, to suppress his dragon from chasing. It hadn't been
100% successful. Warning him off of greens he hadn't cared about had
been somewhat easy, and even when Volaith had chased anyway he had
never won, possibly because of rider reluctance. But then he'd chased
Onnyth and failed, the call of a gold dragon being too irresistible
for rider opinion to matter.

A'kades took his hand off A'dryn's shoulder so he could lace his
fingers together to stop them from trembling. "Volaith hasn't caught
any green - any dragon - since River Bluff," he explained.

"Oh," A'dryn said quietly. "I hope this wasn't..." He searched for a
word. "Disappointing."

"It's nothing to do with you," A'kades told the greenrider, meaning
it. He took a deep breath. "I miss... her and I don't want to wake up
with another woman, it's like a betrayal, it feels."

"I miss her too." Lenala had been like family to him and A'dryn missed
her deeply. "But it's not us, it's our dragons. You taught us that."

Well, proof he was functional as a teacher, if nothing else. "Right. I
guess it's easier to say in theory than practice it out, sometimes."

"Maybe you can understand a little better why it's so hard for me. You
can try to stop your dragon from chasing, but I can never stop mine
from rising. Every few months I know I'll end up here, possibly with
someone who has no interest in men, with someone who sees me as a. .
.as an unpleasant reality of being a rider." No one had been violent,
as A'dryn had feared when he was less accustomed to dragonrider
culture, but he'd seen the closed off expressions, the distant
politeness from bronze and brownriders.

"If there was a way to stop greens and golds from rising that wasn't
injury, I know several riders who would have benefited from that. And
it's hard for us on chasers to understand exactly what it's like to be
as vulnerable as in your position."

A'dryn dropped his gaze to the bed, his thoughts shifting like sand.
Maybe teachers needed advice sometimes too. "A'kades? I don't think
you should try to stop Volaith."

He blinked. "From chasing?"

A'dryn nodded. "It's not fair to him. We have to put our dragons first."

He stopped to digest that, then smiled a little. "You know, you're
right. Sometimes what we teach and what we know we need to do is
different."

"Perhaps you simply needed to hear it from someone else." A'dryn liked
the idea of helping A'kades for once. Quietly, he added, "I don't
think she'd want us to be unhappy."

The bronzerider breathed out, and then managed to give A'dryn a smile.
"You're right. She wouldn't."

A'dryn placed a gentle hand on his arm. "We'll never stop missing her
but that doesn't mean we can't have good things in our lives, too. And
_I_ don't want you to be unhappy either." A'kades had always been so
supportive and kind and that meant a great deal to A'dryn.

"I hope Dolphin Cove will be a good thing for me," A'kades said,
because that was the truth.

"I hope so too."

~*~
Now as A'dryn's mind started to merge with Nalarith's, he thought it
might not be so terrible if Voliath won. At least he'd be with someone
he trusted. Someone he cared about.

Last updated on the May 31st 2020

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She Wouldn't Want Us to Be Unhappy (2/2)