Friend and Confidant

Writers: Heather, Miriah
Date Posted: 5th November 2020

Characters: Ranni, Aviday
Description: Aviday talks to Ranni
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 7, day 3 of Turn 10
Notes: Mentioned: R'fal, R'nar, T'kala, T'ner

Ranni

Aviday

Aviday quietly trailed her feet in the water while Kobeth swam after
her bath. She'd been thankful for the drills today since they'd
helped keep her mind busy. If she stayed in her weyr anymore, she'd go
insane and take Kobeth along with her. But now, after drills, she
felt the heaviness along her shoulders once again. It seemed like it
would never go away. She sighed, flicking her toes through the
ripples.

Since Ranni had given birth, she had been working on the Weyrling
classes and training that she had missed, which had left her
significantly behind her clutchmates. At times being left behind was
depressing, but whenever she saw her son she felt that it was worth
it. She had not anticipated liking motherhood, not after she had seen
how much Xeladrie hated it, but she could not deny the way her son had
wormed his way so securely into her heart.

"Aviday," she said when she saw the familiar silhouette of her friend.
A friend that she hadn't seen in quite a few days, which was unusual.
"What are you doing?" she asked with a raised eyebrow. Sitting and
looking forlornly into the water was something that _she_ would do,
and very unlike her normally bubbly friend.

Aviday didn't even look up, but kept staring at her toes. "Hey,
Ranni. Not doing nothin', really. Just waiting on Kobeth to finish her
swim. How's the baby? He doing okay?"

"He's good. I don't get to see him as much now, but the women in the
creche are nice." Ranni sat down beside of her friend, studying her
face intently. Ranni had spent her life before Dolphin Cove as a
drudge, constantly watching her "betters" - and she felt that she was
fairly good at reading people. "What's wrong, Aviday?"

"That's good. The creche is pretty fun. I grew up in the one at
River Bluff. Lots of kids and friends and stuff. " She kicked her feet
in the water and shrugged. She couldn't muster the fake smile that
she'd used on T'kala or T'ner. "Just a bad day, I guess. A couple of
them." She wished Ranni wasn't so close to R'nar. She wanted to talk
to someone, but if he found out, the Weyrwoman would. And she'd
promised R'fal, even if she'd never gone to the infirmary. "Maybe I'm
just tired I guess. "

Ranni's brow furrowed. "Tell me about your bad couple of days then. I
know you. Usually when you have bad days you huff, puff, and flounce
around talking about it until you make yourself feel better."

Aviday finally looked up at Ranni, seeing her friend and almost broke
before she looked back down. "It's nothing. Maybe I'll huff and puff
and flounce tomorrow. " She made an attempt at a smile. "I guess, well
I guess I can't really talk about it. It's kinda private, you know.
And I'm trying to just forget about it." But she couldn't despite
everything. It just filled her mind all the time. She wished she
could just forget. She'd been so stupid. She quickly wiped at her eye
with the back of her hand. She wanted so badly to be able to talk to
another girl about this and Ranni was smart.

"Aviday," Ranni reached for her friend's hand and held it between her
own. "You helped me when I screwed up majorly. You've kept my secrets.
Tell me what is wrong."

Aviday looked down at their hands and held Ranni's, her fingers
curling around her friend's. "You promise not to tell anyone? Even
R'nar?"

"Not even R'nar," she promised.

Aviday chewed hard on her lower lip and spoke softly. "My Flight. I ,
uhm, I didn't get ready for it." She tried to keep get voice steady,
but it cracked. "Ranni, it was awful. It was so bad." Her vision grew
blurry. "It hurt so much. And...I can't stop thinking about it. I
want to stop thinking about it." Real tears began trickling down her
cheeks. "But now, I can't. And I know it's my fault. I should've,
before, like they told us to, but I didn't. Now Kobeth thinks she's
done wrong and she didn't but..." Aviday suddenly began to softly
weep. "It hurt so bad, Ranni."

Ranni wrapped her arms around Aviday's shoulders, hugging her friend
tightly. She was reminded of the time when she had held another friend
this way, comforting her after she had been grabbed up by some
lustfilled lord who had been visiting Sunstone at the time. That's the
way it was for drudges, they could be used and discarded at will, and
no one noticed.

"I'm sorry, Avi," Ranni murmured, stroking the other girl's hair. She
knew how the other greenrider felt, she herself had been terrified at
the thought of having to sleep with a man, any man, in a flight
situation. Her fear, however, had prompted her to sleep with R'nar, to
prepare herself. **And now look at where we are,** she thought,
thinking of the handsome bronzerider and her son.

"I'm sorry it was so bad for you and that it hurt. Do you... Did you
see a healer? Is there anything I can do? I assisted a lot of ladies
when I lived at the Hold," she offered.

Burying her head in Ranni's shoulder as she cried, Aviday shook her
head. "No. I didn't want them to tell the weyrling staff. I just
wanted to take a bath. And R'fal was so nice and he was so upset too.
I know he felt bad and it was his first flight and I ruined it for him
too. Cause I didn't do anything. I messed everything up. For me, for
Kobeth, and for R'fal. I don't know how it can ever be fixed."

"I highly doubt you are the first greenrider to go to her flight a
virgin, Aviday." Ranni reasoned softly, rubbing Aviday's back. "And
I'm sure you won't be the last. You might find someone to sleep with,
between now and your next flight, so you're a little more prepared for
it next time." It wasn't that Ranni believed in promiscuity, but she
was a realist, a survivor, and she would do whatever to survive- and
sometimes that meant doing things you didn't' want to do.

"I can't." Aviday protested weakly, finding some comfort in Ranni's
embrace. "I can't even think about it. I wasn't with Kobeth through
the whole flight. When it started hurting, I was me and I wasn't with
her. I had to lock Kobeth out. I didn't want her to panic. But all it
did was hurt and I couldn't do anything." The memory of just holding
on and bearing it until R'fal finished made her feel ill. Her voice
was a whisper. "I'm scared of doing it again."

Ranni couldn't imagine what that was like, mostly because she had not
had her own first flight yet. A sudden thought came to her. "You
should do it with R'nar. He's great. He was my first and he's gentle
and he will make you feel _great_," she said with emphasis.

That brought Aviday's head up with her nose wrinkled. Being weyrbred,
she didn't have the holdbred sensitivities about relationships,or the
funny way that they wanted to claim their partner just for themselves.
But the idea of mating with R'nar, who only seemed to have eyes for
Ranni was just not...she just couldn't picture it. Much like she
couldn't picture doing that with T'kala or T'ner, it was just...no..
The idea that he might actually compare the two of them, nice curvy
Ranni with her, little more than a stick figure, made it even more
undesirable. "No, I don't think so." She rubbed at her eyes. "I don't
want to think about doing that right now. Not with anyone. I just..."
She shuddered. "Not yet. I'm definitely not even close to wanting to
try." She privately thought that maybe there was something wrong with
her; maybe it would never feel good. She knew that it was supposed to,
according to lots of people, it was supposed to. "I'm not ready."
Maybe she never would be now.

"Listen, I was like you. I wasn't interested in sex. I was a drudge, I
saw it forced on other women and I heard them, and it never sounded
like they were having a good time. But... I learned that it can be
different. Mostly, the person you're sleeping with has to know what
they're doing, and since you say it was R'fal's first time..." Ranni
was slightly miffed at the brownrider, and held him partially at
fault. What responsible male dragonrider didn't lose his virginity
before a flight? Didn't he understand the damage he could do to a male
or female greenrider by not having any experience?

Aviday was quick to respond. "It was the first Flight that he'd won,
not his first time ever." She didn't want him embarrassed either and
he'd told her that in confidence, when they'd both been upset. "It
wasn't his fault." Aviday sighed, looking away. "It wasn't gonna be
great for me no matter who won. We both know that. I knew it would
hurt the first time, just not that bad. I just thought maybe it would
just sting a little and then it would be okay. I heard some girls in
the barracks talking about their first times. Everyone was saying it
didn't hurt that much, so..." Her voice trailed off and she looked at
Ranni, face drawn. "Maybe there's just something wrong with me." Then
she looked down at herself, thin arms and legs, barely-there curves.
"Maybe it's just me."

"It hurts the first time," Ranni said, making a face. "I think the
girl's who are all 'oh, it only hurt for a minute and then it felt
good' are liars. But if you are aroused and properly... prepared... it
really isn't so bad, and if your partner knows your body and what to
do, it's very good." Ranni gave her friend a little squeeze. "The only
way to know if it's 'just you' is to try again, but this time without
the rush of a flight. And you need to do it with someone who _knows_
how to handle a woman's body."

Aviday shuddered again. " Please, I don't want to talk about doing it
anymore." It had been so easy for Ranni to find someone, she thought.
Ranni was lovely and it was no wonder R'nar had been attracted to her.
No one had _ever_ looked at her like that. Before her flight, she'd
never even been really kissed, even in play. "I just want to forget it
happened. I want to go back to normal now."

"Ignoring the problem won't fix it. It will only get worse." Ranni
advised before waving her hand. "Okay, I've had my say. We won't talk
about it anymore, unless you decide you want to."

Aviday leaned into her friend, closing her eyes. She didn't see how it
could get much worse. "I just want to not think about it. I want it
out of my head. Is that so bad? I want to pretend it never happened
and that everything will be fine and Kobeth will stop feeling bad and
I'll sleep good and drill and practice and eventually really fight
Thread."

"If you don't fix it, it's just going to happen each time you have a
flight, and then you'll be right back here, staring at the water in a
few months."

"I'll fix it. Just not now, okay?" Aviday finally agreed, if only to
stop talking about it. "Just...give me some time and I'll work on it."

"Good." Ranni settled for saying, giving her friend a rare affectionate
nudge. "I've got to look out for my only friend, after all."

"R'nar's your friend." Aviday finally gave a bit of a smile. "And
you'll have more. You just gotta start trying. If you don't try to fix
it and all that."

"Maybe I don't want other ones," she said with a stubborn lift of her chin.

"Yeah, it kinda sucks being afraid of stuff," Aviday pointed out,
albeit gently. "People aren't all bad, you know. Some people are nice.
You're nice too, when you wanna be. So let other people be nice to
you."

Life had taught Ranni that most people were only interested in what
they could get for themselves. She felt that she was extremely lucky
to have found Aviday and R'nar. "Maybe," she hedged, not quite ready
to concede the point. An audible sound from Ranni's stomach made her
hand fly down to her abdomen. "My lunch is long since gone. You want
to grab an early dinner?"

She wasn't really hungry, but she'd not eaten lunch and barely any
breakfast. She had to eat something. "Sure." Aviday slowly got up,
Kobeth deciding to sun herself now that she was out of the water.
"They'll probably have something in the dining hall by now."

"Good. You can come with me afterwards and hold Eranar, there's
nothing like a squishy little baby in your arms to make you smile."
Ranni said, wrapping her arm through Aviday's as she directed her
toward the Dining Cavern.

Last updated on the November 11th 2020

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Friend and Confidant