Three Losses

Writers: Miriah, Suzee
Date Posted: 14th November 2020

Characters: Briata, Urlene, Y'gel
Description: Urlene comes home after her visit to Barrier Lake
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 6, day 10 of Turn 10
Notes: Takes place after "Promise Me"
Mentioned: Lorican, Lusilk

Briata

Urlene

Y'gel

Urlene entered the shared weyr with an absolutely blank face, but her
eyes were shadowed and dull.As though sensing her presence, Lorgelen
immediately set up a cry and without a word, Urlene simply took him,
parted her bodice and allowed him to nurse, slowly rocking back and
forth with distant eyes. It took her a moment to actually notice the
two other adults on the couch in the room. She blinked, realized she'd
interrupted what seemed to be a quiet time for the pair and winced.
"I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking. Excuse me." She rose carefully, not
disturbing the eagerly nursing babe, and slipped into her bedroom.

Briata's eyes glazed and then her hand clutched Y'gel's knee. "Kolerth
says someone upset her at the other Weyr. She's been crying. He's also
upset by the loss of Welenth. I guess she went /between/ and they
couldn't hear her anymore."

Y'gel's eyes darkened. "Must have seen Lorican and lost her patient,"
he shook his head. "I'm surprised she's holding it together."

"I don't think she is," Briata whispered back. "I'll take the baby.
You need to do something."

Y'gel looked at her for a long moment then kissed her temple. "I love
you," he said softly and pulled her closer.

"I know," she said. "But you love her too, even if you won't tell her
that. And she needs you right now."

He almost snorted. "Don't let her hear you say that. She's fiercely
independent and tries to be self sufficient." He flinched as she poked
him in the ribs. "Alright, alright, I'm going," he said and levered
himself off the couch. Moving to her door he knocked before entering
the darkened room. "Urlene?"

Urlene looked up her seat on the bed, still rocking Lorgellen. She
lifted the lid on the glow basket to allow more light to enter the dim
room. There was moisture on her cheeks but her expression was steady
as Lorgellen patted at his mother's breast while he ate. "Hm? Sorry. I
didn't mean to interrupt your time with Briata, Y'gel." She looked
down at the nursing babe and stroked an unsteady hand over his little
head, feeling the soft down of hair on his scalp. "He's not really
hungry. I think he's just wanting to nurse." Her voice was dull.

Briata ducked into the room around Y'gel and held out her hands. "Why
don't you let me take him. Looks like you've had a bit of a day."

"Alright." Urlene didn't argue and waited until Lorgellen detached
before adjusting her bodice and handing the baby over. She immediately
missed the comfort of him in her arms, then remembered why he was in
her arms and felt her eyes sting. Viciously, she blinked them back and
took a breath. For a moment, she forgot Y'gel was still in the room,
but when she felt the warmth of his presence still there, she turned
her head and looked up at him. Her lips twitched and trembled. "I lost
a patient today. I made a stupid mistake and I lost her. Her dragon
/betweened/." She bowed her head, the words spilling out numbly. "Too
much bleeding and she went into shock and I didn't move quickly
enough. Faranth!" She hit the side of the bed. "I know better...I
_know_ better..."

Briata had slipped out of the room and closed before Urlene's
confession and Y'gel simply stepped forward and pulled her into his
arms. "It happens," he said softly. He stepped back and held her hands
for a moment looking into her eyes. "There are two rules in fighting
Thread," he said. "Rule number one is that young people die. Rule
number two is that healers can't change rule number one." He shook his
head and wrapped his arms around her again.

She was stiff while he held her, at least at first. "You don't
understand, Y'gel." Urlene closed her eyes and there was anger now in
her voice, not at him but at herself. "I was distracted. I was
fecking distracted! I saw..." Her voice caught and her face tightened
in an effort to control herself. "Lorican was in the infirmary. He
knows about Lorgellen. That I had him. He was there. With his wife.
" It was then that her voice broke into a sob. "He's married. Faranth!
Married! I tried not to think about it. To push it aside! I thought I
could still work! And I tried! But," She turned into Y'gel's arms,
buried her face in his chest and burst into heartwrenching sobs of
grief, anger and pain.

"Oh sweetheart," Y'gel murmured against her hair. He sat and pulled
her into his lap. "I'm so sorry." He murmured nothings and comfort as
he would have to anyone in his care. He rocked her as he cradled her
against him.

All her carefully built walls came crashing down as she was gathered
up onto his arms. She let everything that had been building inside her
go in a rush as she gripped Y'gel's shoulders, pouring out
everything. Her words were sometimes incoherent through the tears.
Had she been made to be a fool? Had everything been just a lie? How
had she let herself get so tangled up emotionally in a man that she'd
only briefly known? And then, to let those same emotions affect her
work? Had she made the worst mistake and it had cost not one life but
two?

Urlene cried until her eyes were swollen and puffy and her throat was
raw. Finally, the tears slowed to short hiccups of breath and she
found herself warm and cradled in large arms, her face pressed
against a warm but damp shirt. She felt drained and limp, but instead
of pulling away, burrowed closer to that familiar comfort. Her arm
curled against Y'gel's chest like a child's, tucked close to her body,
but her fingers soothed repeatedly over his neckline, as though the
simple touch was enough to settle her.

He maneuvered them into the bed and pulled a blanket over them.
"Sleep," he said softly and enfolded her again.

She didn't resist and she didn't protest as she was laid down. When
Y'gel wrapped his arms around her again, she took comfort in them and
his warmth. Tears still leaked from her eyes along with short
shuddering breaths as she nestled close, head resting against his
shoulder. She turned her head, kissed his skin of his neck and with
his arms snug around her, exhaustion took over. She was asleep
within moments later.

When he was certain she was asleep, he finally closed his eyes and
slept himself.

---
Urlene laid beside Y'gel fingers stroking over his bare chest as her
body trembled from recent release. She'd woken in the night, felt him
beside her and when he'd woken at her touch, he'd offered the comfort
that she'd needed. He'd made her feel desired and wanted; they'd not
laid together since before Lorgellen had been born and he'd been so
very gentle, taking care not to cause any discomfort. As she lay
quietly in his arms, she thought about the night before. Briata,
seeing her distress, had stepped in when needed. It had been her
that had encouraged Y'gel to take her in arms. And Briata, who
likely knew what would happen after.

Urlene shifted in Y'gel's embrace enough to look up at him. "Your
weyrmate is one of the most kind, understanding women I've ever met."
Her voice was soft. "I really like her, Y'gel. She actually wants me
here. And I always assumed that when Lorgellen was old enough, I'd go
back to my quarters. What's happening here?"

"It is sometimes very hard for me to remember how young she is," he
smiled. "I do too," he said which was really an understatement. "I
can't say I know everything going on in her mind but Aug tells me she
questions him sometimes. But then she always has done." He was quiet
for a moment. "What I can say is that she's a caretaker. She really
does want you as a part of our family and our weyr is big enough.
There is no reason you need to live by yourself." He tightened his
arms briefly. "Besides I like having you here too."

Urlene rested her cheek on his shoulder. She still felt the pain of
Lorican's betrayal deep in her gut, despite Y'gel's warmth around
her. She felt an utter fool for believing in that sweet charm that
had somehow gotten past her defenses. It had all been a lie.
Everything. What else was a lie? She couldn't even trust her
instincts anymore. "I don't mind living alone. But Lorgellen needs
more than just me. I can see that now. You and Briata and the other
children love him. If we can work this out, I'll stay, at least until
he's old enough to start his lessons. "

"Alright," he said. **Or as long as we can keep you,** he thought as
he kissed her temple.

She leaned into the kiss unconsciously. "Will Briata allow us this on
occasion? I've missed sharing this with you." She spoke softly. "I
missed sharing a bed, even if it's just for sleep. I've found that...I
don't really like sleeping alone."

"I think we're both smart enough to know that was implicit in the way
she behaved last night. But I will discuss it with her. I don't think
either of us want to do anything without her consent." Y'gel's Healer
Hall upbringing gave him no clue how to handle this situation but if
both ladies were in agreement he would be very very happy to comply.

"Hm." She agreed. "I just didn't want to make assumptions." She
nestled close, rubbing her cheek against his chest. "Talk to her.
Perhaps openness is the best idea now."

Last updated on the November 23rd 2020

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Three Losses