Contractual Obligations (1/2)

Writers: Miriah, Suzee
Date Posted: 16th November 2020

Characters: Cyradis, J'ackt
Description: J'ackt and Cyradis come to an agreement, a contract, and mutual obligations.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 6, day 15 of Turn 10
Notes: Mentioned: Saidrene, Alina, K'ran, Kapera, Timassa, Urlene, K'yne
Part 1 of 2

Cyradis

J'ackt

}: Panithath's summons you. to her office. :{ Zith turned to look at
his rider, who steadily scrubbed along his side.

**Tell her I'm busy.** After the last visit to her office, he had
absolutely no desire to speak to or even see Cyradis.

}: I will not tell Panitath that. Are you insane? When the Queen
summons, you go. :{

**Cyradis is not the Queen and I'm not at her beck and call. Tell her
I am busy** J'ackt grimaced, scrubbing more firmly.

Zith went silent as he tried to manage to respectfully reply to the
Queen, paused, then winced at the response. Slowly he shifted away
from the brush. }: She wants you _now_. Go. Scrub me after. :{ J'ackt
flung down the brush and put his hands on his hips, taking slow deep
breaths. }:Good idea. It isn't wise to go to her angry. :{

**Too late.** J'ackt closed his eyes took another deep breath, then
looked skyward. **Tell her I'm coming.** And he would, but slowly. He
turned and began to slowly walk towards the office, attempting deep
breaths with each step.

Cyradis sat at her desk as she normally did this time of day, going
through all the reports which seemed to pile up on her desk and make
babies. But this one from the Weyrhealer worried her in more than one
way.

He took his time in getting to her office and when he knocked on her
door frame, the edge on his temper had cooled. "You asked for me?"
**Again? **

She could feel the belligerence without the need of her lfemate to
pass it along. She waived a hand at the chair across from her and then
just looked at him.

He took a breath, then moved to the offered seat. **What's the lecture
going to be about this time? Duties? Leadership? Kissing ass?** But he
kept silent, arched a single brow and waited.

She'd received lifted brows over the turns and they were almost
exclusively from bronze riders who thought they drove the world. She
mentally snorted and simply reached for the healers report. "Are you
aware that amongst my many duties, I must review and archive reports
on many things going on in the Weyr? It is, in fact, one of my primary
duties."

J'ackt tried to recall from his lessons as a Candidate what exactly
were all the duties a Weyrwoman had to perform, but could remember
very little beyond the obvious. So, he shook his head in response.
"No. What's this all about? I know for a fact that I've not broken any
rules recently. "

She shook her head, "All the records of what happens in the Weyr end
up on my desk at one point or another." She took a deep breath and
indicated the one in her hand. "This one concerns me a bit and I think
it concerns you as well. See here," she pointed to a passage and
turned it so he could read it. "Is this about you J'ackt?"

He had to sit up and lean forward in an attempt to read it. His brows
furrowed as he rubbed one eye and tilted his head. Faranth, he hated
reading. The words all got jumbled up in his head. It took a moment
for him to get the gist of the report. No names involved, but it was a
description of a surgery request. He couldn't identify many of the
Healer terms that were used, but he understood the basics of what had
been written. He looked up at Cyradis, his mouth taut before slowly
leaning back. "I talked to the Weyrhealer about that. So? Why is it a
bother to you?"

**Oh so many reasons,** but she couldn't explain them all to him.
"Well it leads to another priority of the Weyr. It's one we've talked
about before and we didn't exactly agree. So if you'll bear with me.
The majority of our dragons are green, followed by blue, and brown,
Finally, the fewest dragons are bronze and gold. You'll agree with that
right?"

**Faranth, I'm not stupid. Are we going back to that again?** He felt
a flare of irritation that Zith quickly sought to soothe, sending
blankets of calm to settle the itch in his mind. "I actually do have a
'clue' about that." He threw her own words to him back at her.
"Everyone knows that."

She was quite proud that she didn't shift her expression at his
reaction. Talking to him was like balancing on the edge of a sword.
"Yes, it's part of Harper training every child receives. But beyond
that. Where do you suppose we're going to find our next generation of
bronze and gold riders? Do you see my dilemma in that light?"

"No, I really don't. You've got plenty of children in the creche, as
you said before. There's lots of riders having babies. Riders go out
on Search everytime there's a clutch and they bring Candidates back.
That doesn't have anything to do with _that_ surgery for me. If your
greenriders and moths can have a choice, so can I."

She rubbed her forehead and tilted her head slightly. "I'm not trying
to fight with you about this J'ackt. I'm trying to impress upon you
why we, all of us, the entire Weyr, need to include your blood line in
the pool. Even your father has only one other child that we know of
and that but a babe. You are a proven bronzerider. I know you don't
want to be a da. But you can still be a father, like yours was. He
didn't even know you existed until a short time ago after all."

His jaw tensed, released, then tensed again. **So I'm to be breeding
stock? A prized rutting runner stallion?** Zith once again had to
force calm waves to overlap and soothe an increasingly agitated mental
state. Zith grew increasingly anxious in the bowl as he concentrated
on calming his rider as his thoughts speared the dragon's mind.**I
won't inflict my blood on a child. I won't. I'd hurt them and they'd
be like me.** He took long steady breaths, trying hard not to raise
his voice and remain somewhat calm. "No. I won't do that. You insisted
that I don't have a say when a woman gets with a child that might be
mine. So this is my choice. I don't want to be a father. I don't
_need_ to be a father and even you admitted I'd be shite as a Da. I'm
not doing that. I won't do it. "

She folded her hands on the report and thought over what they had
discussed this time and in the past. "Why?"

His jaw tightened almost painfully as he stared at her, one hand
clenching to a fist, his thumb rubbing his knuckles as they whitened.
"No kid deserves having me as a father. Or a da. They could be like
me. The Weyr don't need that either. No mother needs that, even if I'm
not involved. And I wouldn't be. I could hurt 'em. I won't do it."

"J'ackt, I'm not a mind healer so I don't know if I will get this
exactly right but there is a known link from parents to children, and
I think that is what concerns you most. This is our Nature, which is
received through our blood and that is where the bronzerider tendency
would be expressed. Your blood is that of Ocktima and K'yne, and to my
knowledge neither of them have the tendencies you're experiencing."
She held up her hand when he appeared to begin speaking. "Hear me out
please. The other side of that coin is Nurture. Yours, unfortunately
was a nightmare. Both you and your mother were mistreated by a bully.
That broke her and almost broke you. So, yes I do understand why you
might feel your rages would be dangerous as a _da_. But your blood is
not. Nature vs Nurture. You pass on your blood, but I'm not asking you
to nurture any resulting child."

J'ackt's jaw worked from side to side as he listened to what she had
to say and his breathing quickened just a bit. He tried, he _honestly_
did try, to take in what she was saying, but it was difficult as he
struggled to overcome his frustration. He understood, in simple terms,
what she was saying. He still couldn't quite believe that any children
of his line would be free of the taint of him. No, his mother had been
gentle. He didn't know K'yne well enough and no one had ever made
mention of any violence in him, or temper. Perhaps what she said meant
something; perhaps it might be true. But, was it worth the risk? He
seemed to genuinely consider it as he looked away, his fist
tightening, releasing, and then tightening again.

His eyes slowly went back to her, something else sticking in his craw.
So many choices had been taken from him, whether or not to lead
others, where he was allowed to go, what he was allowed to do with his
time. It seemed to build up on him then and when he spoke it was
harsh. "Then why is it, Cyradis, that you're perfectly fine with women
choosing not to bear children? They might /between/ with your
_precious_ bronzerider blood. Why is it alright for them to do that
then? Why am I breeding stock and they aren't? Why can they choose not
to do it, but I can't? How does that make sense?"

"I should think you'd know the answer to that one." She paused for a
moment as she thought how to say it. "How many children can you have
in a lifetime J'ackt? Can it endanger your life to shoot off that cock
into a woman?" She looked directly into his eyes. "Each time I carry a
child to term I endanger the child, myself and Panitath. Can you think
of a reason it might be good for me to prevent it? How did that work
out for your mother?"

J'ackt went ghost white under his tan. Memories of his mother
screaming in pain, battered, bleeding, and begging for help while she
labored to give birth. His father just watching, him, just a boy,
unable to do anything but hold his mother's hand and try desperately
not to cry. Zith, now furious on his rider's behalf, sent those
memories directly to Panitath, mentally hissing at his rider's agony
of memory. J'ackt's hands trembled as his heart pounded in his chest.
"You bitch."

"Maybe," she nodded. "But you did ask why it's different for women J'ackt."

"You made your point." J'ackt's voice was hoarse, dull and quiet, but
his hands still trembled as his aching heart seemed to ricochet around
in his chest. He swallowed hard, teeth clenched. "Very clearly." He
looked away then and took a shuddering breath, struggling as he did so
to lock those memories away once again, to force them away in his
mind, and to calm his racing heart.

"I _am_ sorry," she said.

He snorted softly. "Sure you are." J'ackt didn't look at her. "You
used what you had, right? Didn't matter if it was a gut punch." His
smile was bitter. "Woman makes the decision. Got it."

"Whatever you think, I didn't set out to cause you pain. I'm sorry
that happened. I take three lives in my hands when I have a baby
J'ackt. Women should have the choice over risking their lives because
that is exactly what they're doing. I needed you to understand that.
Now I'm willing to bet that someone else said some very hurtful things
to you that sent you down this path so I'll say just one more thing.
Consider the source. Weigh whether or not that person had your best
interest at heart or wanted to hurt you."

"I understand it." His voice was crisp, flat. As she continued, his
fist clenched again, then released. His lip curled as he remembered
Saidrene's final taunt about his 'fragile feelings'. He'd trusted her
with how he felt, what he'd experienced and she'd used the trust he'd
given like a spear right into his gut. It had hurt him deeply and then
angered him. Every time he seemed to trust anyone, they spun it back
on him and used it. Slowly, he turned his eyes back to Cyradis; she
didn't have _his_ best interests at heart; she had to have the Weyr's,
of course. His interests would always be behind the Weyr's and her
own; it was most likely that his interests would be one of the last
things she'd consider, especially if it was about him. It made a
measure of sense and it would be good for him to remember that.
"You're going to tell Urlene not to do the surgery."

Last updated on the November 23rd 2020

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Contractual Obligations (1/2)