I'm Messed Up

Writers: Miriah
Date Posted: 16th November 2020

Characters: J'ackt, Bertin
Description: J'ackt voluntarily seeks help
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 6, day 17 of Turn 10

J'ackt

J'ackt entered the Mindhealer's office slowly, gritting his teeth at
the very necessity. But it had to be done. If he was going to make it
through this one turn with his sanity intact and not constantly be on
edge of a rage, he had to do something. He couldn't do this for an
entire turn and if he had to be completely honest with himself, he was
exhausted. Everything seemed to be a threat, his nightmares were
getting worse, and he'd been so jumpy lately that it was becoming a
running joke in the wing by a few of the blue and green riders.

He'd requested Alun, but the man apparently had a full schedule of
people to see, so J'ackt was placed with Bertin. At first glance,
J'ackt wasn't impressed with the man. He was thin, losing his hair,
and seemed to be just so..small.

"Hello, you must be J'ackt." Bertin rose, offering his hand and to his
credit, his expression didn't change when J'ackt refused it.

"Yeah. Urlene said you might be able to help me."

"Yes, I spoke to her. Take a seat, take a seat." He waved at the chair
near him and sat. "I've heard quite a bit about you."

J'ackt sat slowly, grimacing. "I'm sure. I guess Alun talked to you."

"No. He's not said anything. What you told him sticks with him. That's
our rule, really. It...garners trust."

"So what I tell you isn't going to be told to anyone else?" J'ackt
studied him warily.

"Nope."

"Not even the Weyrleaders?"

Bertin waved his hand from side to side and J'ackt immediately
stiffened until he explained. "The only time I'd tell them anything is
if I thought you were going to hurt yourself or someone else. Then I'd
feel obligated."

"I'm not planning on doing that." J'ackt snorted.

"Well that's good. Then you don't have to worry about it." Berin
smiled affably.

"So...what did you hear?" J'ackt readied himself for the torrent of
rumors, stories and that bloody song that N'vanik had commissioned.

"That you've been through quite a bit that no young man should."
Bertin's smile dropped and he became serious. "That there's been quite
a bit of trauma and change, but somehow you've made it through, but
not without some emotional scars. Quite frankly, I'm surprised you're
still functioning on some sort of stable level. A lot of people
wouldn't be."

"Yeah, I guess you could say I've been through a bit." J'ackt didn't
offer more information than that.

"Do you know why Urlene suggested me?"

"No. She just said you were available."

Bertin chuckled softly, "Well, she's never been one to give reasons
she didn't feel were necessary. Quite close-mouthed, our Weyrhealer.
She suggested me, because I work with people, riders and staff who
have experienced trauma. That is my specialty in Mindhealing. Riders
need that help the most, especially since they see friends and family
die."

J'ackt fell silent, tapping his fingers against his knee. "Seen some of that."

"I can imagine. I am glad though, that you've come without being
ordered to and of your own free will. You want help instead of it
being forced on you, or being made as a condition of something,
right?"

J'ackt nodded, then swallowed. Unlike with Alun, he was less
resistant. He'd made the choice to come here. "Yeah. I'm kind of
messed up." His jaw worked. "It's not getting any better. It's getting
worse. I'm getting angrier and it's harder to control."

Bertin nodded slowly. "You may be 'messed up' now, but we can work on
that. What I will need you to do to start with is tell me the story of
your life. I need to know every thing so that I can work with you on
what you need. Then we'll talk about what you want to accomplish with
me."

"Everything? That's kind of a lot." J'ackt eyed him. "We might be
here a while."

"I can take it. I have time." Bertin pulled out a hide. "Where do we start?"

J'ackt exhaled and closed his eyes. He wasn't looking forward to
dredging up old memories, but Faranth, he needed to do _something_. "

Last updated on the November 23rd 2020

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I'm Messed Up