This Is Who I Am

Writers: Francesca
Date Posted: 17th May 2021

Characters: Chalzie, Arrilon
Description: Arrilon tells Chalzie about his upcoming move.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 9, day 14 of Turn 10
Notes: Mentioned: Kamalia

Chalzie walked along the beach towards the Weyr, wearing a simple tan
top, long brown skirt, and sandals. Her hair was still wet from her
morning swim and she ate a bread roll as she walked. The path between
the Dolphin Hall and Weyr had become even more familiar to her in the
almost-Turn she had been seeing Arrilon. Since she didn't want any
prying questions from Hall residents, they always met at the Weyr.

She had to admit that the relationship sometimes made her feel
claustrophobic, since she couldn't go to the Weyr without at least
letting Arrilon know, otherwise he felt snubbed. She still did spend
some restdays with her foster mother or friends, but knew that he
preferred that they spend all their free days together.

While she enjoyed spending time with Arrilon, both in conversation and
more intimate activities, there was a constant tension between them.
She was happy to keep things light and fun, while he wanted more of a
commitment. She often wondered if she should have broken things off
immediately, but he really was everything she wanted, if she had been
looking for a serious relationship. It would be easier if he were
weyrbred and more open to a casual relationship without any thoughts
of marriage.

Chalzie saw Arrilon waiting at their normal meeting spot along the
beach and gave him a peck on the lips and a hug. She also greeted Joy,
who soon disappeared, probably to go play with some firelizard
friends.

The pair walked for a bit and then sat down in the sand, Arrilon
putting an arm around her. He seemed tense, and after a few minutes of
casual conversation, he pulled out a letter from his pocket and handed
it to her.

Confused, Chalzie opened it, then her eyes grew wide as she began
reading and understood what it meant. A wide smile crossed her face.
"Your request for a transfer was accepted!" At his nod of
confirmation, she practically bounced with excitement. "It's finally
happening! First walking the tables and now this. I'm so happy for
you!" She threw her arms around his waist and squeezed. She knew the
Turns of work he had done in preparation for this and, as a fellow
crafter, could appreciate what this meant to him.

One arm still around him, Chalzie quickly skimmed the rest. "So, two
sevendays." Well, that was one way for their relationship to come to a
natural end.

"Two sevendays," Arrilon repeated. Then, after a pause, he added,
"Transferring to the Harper Hall means we won't be able to see each
other very often." Even though Chalzie had plenty of friends at the
Weyr, and Arrilon had his sister, it wasn't practical to expect others
to constantly ferry them back and forth.

"Ari," Chalzie replied after a moment, letting her breath out. She
thought he understood what transferring to the Hall meant. Instead,
they both continued making assumptions about what their relationship
was and where it was going. Now she was going to have to break his
heart, and she wasn't quite sure how to do it. "I like you; I mean,
really like you." She gave him another squeeze. "But I'm only 19. And,
I know some women are married with children by then, but not me. I
want to walk the tables, travel a bit, have some adventures. Since
we've met, I've been trying to make you understand that what we have
is great, but it isn't permanent. I think I should go back to just
focusing on my studies and you should go settle into your new life at
the Hall."

She took another breath and let it out, looking over at him. Arrilon's
expression was blank and he wouldn't meet her eyes. "Maybe if I were 5
Turns older, or if I were holdbred or hallbred, things would be
different. I don't know. But this is who I am, and I can't be someone
different."

Arrilon finally looked at Chalzie, a pained expression on his face. He
moved the arm he had around her to his lap. A part of him wasn't
surprised at Chalzie's words. He knew that, of the two of them, he was
the one who thought of their relationship as a potential long term
commitment. However, they had been together for almost a full Turn,
and he thought that had meant something. Before he had a chance to
think, words began spilling out of his mouth, "So that's it then? We
just go on with our lives and never see each other again?" The
bitterness gave way to sadness. "I don't just like you. I love you. I
could see a future together; maybe I could eventually move to the Hall
or something."

It hurt when he pulled himself away, but Chalzie did the same. "I
don't know," she replied. "I just know that you have to go to the
Harper Hall. You've been working towards this for Turns. And I need to
keep improving at my craft. Even if you stayed here, I don't know what
I could promise. Like I said, I'm young. I'm not ready to think about
marriage, and I can't tell you when I will be. So, you can't make
decisions about your future based on where I'll be or what I'll be
doing." Her voice softened. "You're going to do great things at the
Hall; I just know it."

Arrilon wrapped both arms around his knees. He didn't feel like
crying. He just felt tired. And surprisingly, a small part of him felt
free. His relationship with Chalzie, whatever it had been, was the
strongest tie that remained to the Weyr. And now it was, maybe not
completely gone, but certainly less substantial.

Chalzie resisted the urge to reach out to comfort him. She knew this
was the right decision, but she hated hurting him. And it was even
worse thinking that she may never see him again. That thought made her
stomach clench.

They sat in silence for a while, unsure of what to say. Finally,
Arrilon said softly, "I'd like to see you again, before I go. Can I
send Joy to find you?"

"Of course," she answered automatically. You know my schedule."

Last updated on the July 21st 2021

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This Is Who I Am