Beached

Writers: Heather, Miriah
Date Posted: 11th February 2022
Series: The Hallmaster's Ladies

Characters: Thayde, Jalodwyn
Description: Thayde and Jalodwyn speak about her injuries
Location: Dolphin Hall
Date: month 11, day 2 of Turn 10

Thayde

There was a brief knock on Thayde's door as the Healer stood there,
asmall stack of hides in his hand. "Hallmaster, I have the reports
that you asked for. I also needed to speak to you."

“Come in,” he gestured, raising his head from the work on his desk and
rubbing at his eyes, which needed a break. “You can set the report
there,” he indicated the one empty square on the corner of his desk.

The Healer studied Thayde with a knowing eye. "You need to take
regular breaks, Hallmaster." His lips curled briefly before laying
the reports on the designated corner of Thayde's desk. "You asked me
earlier for a report on Senior Journeyman Jalodwyn's health." The man
frowned, then took a breath. "I just examined her and I'm afraid that
she'll be unable to do any deep diving operations or salvage for quite
a while, a turn or more. Her lungs need to completely heal from that
infection and her lung capacity is still compromised. She's been
informed."

Thayde absorbed the news. "How did she take it?" he asked

The Healer took a moment before answering. "Surprisingly without much
emotion. She didn't say much. Honestly, in my opinion, she seemed more
defeated than angry or sad. "

"What about general swimming, no diving?"

"Swimming, yes. But no deep diving. No salvage for at least a turn. I
know better than to keep a dolphineer out of water unless absolutely
necessary. " The Healer's lips lifted in amusement. "I'd wait on any
ship duties for a couple of months. Let her rest."

Thayde nodded, knowing that as Hallmaster he was going to need to have
a conversation with Jalodwyn. He dreaded that, as their conversations
did not always go as he hoped or planned. "I'll talk with her."

"She's in her quarters. That's where I spoke to her." The Healer
offered him the stack of hides again.
--

Thayde stood for a long moment in front of Jalodwyn's door, sincerely
hoping that Yasha was not around, her presence seemed to bring more
tension, he thought.

He knocked. "Jalodwyn? Can I come in for a minute?"

There was a long moment of silence before soft footsteps were heard
near the door. The steps stopped by the door as though the person
behind was waiting. There was a shuffle, then the door slowly opened.
Jalodwyn's face appeared, looking drawn, defeated, and without much
expression. "What do you want?"

"To talk, Hallmaster to Journeywoman. We can go to my office if you're
more comfortable there?" he offered.

"I don't care. I know what it's about." She sighed and shrugged,
stepping back and leaving the door open. She walked to the small
couch, pulled her legs up and rested her chin on her knees to stare at
the wall across from her.

Slipping in behind her, Thayde closed the door and seated himself
opposite her. "I've come to talk about your options," he said,
thinking she seemed exactly as the healer had described - defeated.

"Dock duty." She replied numbly. Her eyes didn't meet his gaze but
seemed to peer past him. "I know what being beached means. I was doing
all of that at Opal. At least this time I know it's all because of
me." She shrugged. "I'm used to it."

The corner of his mouth twitched a little. "Yes, there is dock duty.
There's also instructing apprentices, working in the dolphin
infirmary, or...." he paused here before forging ahead, "finding a new
dolphin partner. There are several unpaired in the pod."

Jalodwyn barely moved, but her eyes flicked to Thayde momentarily
before she snorted softly and moved to rest her forehead on her
knees."Right. A partner. Sure. The pod doesn't want me. No pod does."
She squeezed her arms tighter around her knees. "I screw up
everything."

"You know, dragonriders are always using that phrase 'the dragon
chooses,' it's not much different than dolphin partners, I think.
Dolphins know, and they have their own criteria for choosing. Having a
partner again would open up your possibilities until if, or when,
you're able to dive again."

"Why do you care?" There was a bitter laugh. "Oh...right. Hallmaster.
Got to keep people busy and productive. I'll do what I'm ordered to,
Thayde. Dock duty. Teaching. Whatever."

Pushing to his feet, Thayde shoved his hands into his pockets. He'd
come to say what he'd come to say. "Think about it, Jal. I'll ask you
about it again in a fortnight, after you've had some time to rest."

She heard him get up and slowly lifted her head to look up at him.
There wasn't anger in her face, or even rebellion. Just exhaustion and
a bone-deep weariness that she didn't bother to hide. "What? That's
it? No lecturing about Jalotha?" She'd been expecting another argument
and quite simply didn't have the energy for one. "No demands?" She
sighed and looked away again. "You saved my life. She's in the next
room, asleep. I don't want to fight anymore. It's not worth it."

The mention of his daughter so close was a great temptation but... "No
demands, not today. I think not having an argument is enough progress
for one day. If you need a break, to rest, I'd be happy to take her,
or take her to the creche, whichever you'd like."

She shrugged again. "Okay." There was no fight to Jalodwyn, no
resistance, just an odd numbness that was out of character for her.

Thayde hesitated in his departure. “Is Yasha going to be home soon?”

"A sevenday. She's on ship duty. She left yesterday." She shifted
slightly. "Your mother came to see me."

“She did?” Thayde inquired.

There was a silent nod and Jalodwyn rubbed her leg. "She asked to see
Jalotha." She fell silent for a moment more. "She invited me to dinner
sometime."

His mother had a way of worming her way past a person’s defenses. “Are
you going to take her up on it?”

"Maybe. Just not yet." Jalodwyn had always gotten along well with
Thayde's family, but she'd told Thayde that she didn't want his family
involved. She had to admit to herself that it had been mainly to hurt
him. She wanted him to hurt just as much as she had. But it wasn't
helping her. It made her feel worse. And guilty.

She began rocking back and forth slowly, then gave a soft sob, tears
spilling from her eyes and down her cheeks. Her shoulders began to
shake and she squeezed her legs tighter, fingertips digging in to the
flesh of her shins until the skin whitened.

As he had that day on the ship after she was pulled from the water,
Thayde sat down beside her and put an arm around her shoulder, as he
would have Turns ago, before things got so messy.

“Hey, now,” he murmured, “everything’s going to work out.”

She shook her head wildly, her body shaking with each sob. "I mess up
everything...." She pulled away from his touch for a moment, then
turned and leaned against him. "I'm a horrible, horrible person. I
can't do anything right..." She covered her face with shaking hands,
trying to hide her tears, but unable to.

“You are not a horrible person.” Thayde said firmly. “What about
Jalotha in there, hm? She is absolutely perfect, and that is all
because of you. You have been the one raising her.”

She shook her head in response. "Everyone is going to hate her and
despise her because she's a bastard. That's _my_ fault! " She was
nearly frantic in her tears now, words spilling out of her mouth in a
torrent as she hiccupped through her tears. "They're going to treat
her horribly. And...and I can't protect her because I'm so stupid and
clumsy I can't even dive right! And now I won't be able to! Everyone
hates me except for Yasha and I'm not even good enough for her and I
can't be what she needs either. I'm not strong anymore! I can't do
this anymore!"

“Whoa,” he said, taking her face between his hands. “It’s easy to feel
this way after an injury.” He remembered vividly the dark depression
he’d crawled around in for months after returning from shipwreck and
then having Irabel leave without a goodbye. “Jalotha will be, and is,
quite loved. Her parents are a Hallmaster and _future_ Master
Dolphineer. She has a whole host of aunts and uncles, some
dragonriders, who dote on her. She’ll have more options and choices
for her life that most girls on Pern ever do. And for your skills,
there was nothing wrong with your dive, and your new bell worked
perfectly. Having an equipment malfunction can happen to anyone.”

She tried to turn her face away from his grip, but couldn't. Instead
her face soaking with tears faced Thayde and her eyes were reddened as
she met his own. She took hiccuping breaths as she spoke. "I wanted
to hurt you. I wanted you to feel as badly as I did. "

“I know,” his thumbs wiped at the moisture on her cheeks. “And I deserved it.”

"But you love Jalotha." She stared at his face and her crumpled just a
little. "Please...don't take her from me."

“Of course I love Jalotha, but I would never take her from you.”

"But...but you said..." She tried to catch her breath. "You could...it
would kill me Thayde."

“Desperate people say desperate things,” Thayde murmured.

She sniffled and looked down, no longer meeting his eyes. "I'm sorry. "

Hooking a finger beneath her chin, he said, “As am I.”

She glanced up at him and then back down, looking away, both exhausted
from her tears and embarrassed by them. "I'm tired. I'd like to take a
nap, if you'll excuse me."

"Of course. I'll check in on you again in a few days." Thayde said.

Last updated on the July 15th 2022

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