It's Not About You

Writers: Aaron, Suzee
Date Posted: 9th March 2022

Characters: Cyradis, K'don
Description: K'don feels somehow guilty and asks his mother figure for advice.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 10, day 5 of Turn 10
Notes: Mentioned: Corowal, Enali (not by name), K'deren, K'sedel

Cyradis

K'don

K'don did not know precisely what was going on with the woman he had
stopped, but he had seen neither hide nor hair of her since he had
called his grandfather to help when he had chased her down at the
Hatching. She had been pregnant, and she had every right to run when a
big scary dragonrider was chasing her.

}:Do you yet think she spoke true to you?:{ asked Maciath. His
memories of the encounter with the woman were unusually sharp, even if
the moments leading up and following were fuzzy. }:We did right to
call your grandfather.:{

K'don had kept from asking after her thus far, because she and her
affairs were not his business. But the encounter gnawed at him. What
was it, really, that made her seem suspicious to him? What if he had
hurt the baby?

He absentmindedly rubbed the gouges her nails had left in his forearm.
And he hardly even noticed where he was until he was outside Cyradis's
office. She might not have even been there. Ordinarily, he might have
gone to talk to K'deren or K'sedel first, but something about this was
different.

Perhaps, K'don assumed they would be quicker to tell him to mind his
own business. This was most definitely beyond his responsibility and
concern. Perhaps it was because both the woman and Cyradis were both
pregnant.

Perhaps it was because he was not really after knowing what had become
of her. Perhaps what he really wanted was comfort. Both his father and
grandfather might tell him that he had made the right decision. But if
he had not, neither would hesitate to say so. And if he was wrong, he
did not think he could stand their disappointment just yet.

Cyradis would tell him if he had chosen poorly, too. But it would be different.

More guilt bit him. Cyradis had so much to oversee, it hardly seemed
fair to ask her to stop what she was doing to hug him. It was always
easy to tell himself he had no right to ask her to treat him like a
son when he thought he might bother her or distract her from something
important.

}:Must you go over this with yourself yet again? If she did not want
to be your mother, you would have known it by now. If you make me
listen to you belittle yourself like this over and over for what's
left of our life, I am going to have to drop you in the lake.:{

**Mash, will youâ€"**

}:You need not ask. Golden Panitath, K'don is worried over the woman
from the Hatching and would like to speak to your rider, if he may. Is
she free?:{

"Come on in," Cyradis called once Panitath relayed the message to her.
She was weary from the events of the hatching and enforced bedrest
following. She sat with her feet up on her couch reclining in her
pillows and reading a report.

"Hi," said K'don. He smiled apologetically and waggled his fingers in
a small wave. "I wanted to talk to you, but I know you're really busy,
and you have a lot on your mind, and you know â€"" Here, K'don gestured
with his free hand to his belly.

"I should have brought you a sandwich, but I didn't even really notice
where I was going until I was here. I can come back after with
something, though," he offered. "If you're hungry."

"Sorry. I, um. I don't know whether maybe K'sedel said anything or
not, but I chased down that woman at the Hatching. The... the one who
was with child." He rubbed the marks on his arm again. "And I keep
feeling like I did something bad. I don't know what I really expect
you to do about it, I just... needed to tell someone."

"First," she held out her arms." Come give me a hug," she smiled
warmly. K'don was such a gentle soul.

K'don smiled back, already a touch relieved. Even if he did do
something bad, he knew he could find comfort with Cyradis. He hugged
her close, careful not to squish her belly.

"Sit," she pointed at the chair next to her. "I don't think you
realize all that happened," she said with a slight frown. "First the
girl is fine but she has confessed to trying to poison the Weyrlings."

K'don took the seat. Hearing Cyradis's explanation was somehow both a
relief and a shock. He had chased her in the first place because
something had been off at the feeding, and she had seemed somehow
suspicious. Maciath had made the call in the end, but both of them had
mere moments to decide whether to pursue her.

"I knew something was wrong..." he said. "Or, well. Mash knew it. I
only dreaded it. But after I chased her, it justâ€" It really seemed
like I could have been wrong. We couldn't _really_ have known it. What
if I _was_ wrong, and I chased down andâ€" and... harassed an innocent
person?"

Suddenly, it occurred to him that she might be in a lot more trouble
than he had considered.

"You're not going to kill her, are you?" he asked. If they killed her,
it would be because he stopped her. The responsibility would
ultimately be hers, but if he had never chased her, she very likely
could have gotten away.

"You did the right thing K'don," she nodded with a serious look.
"There will be a trial. No one will rush to kill her. But what she did
is _very_ serious, and by her own admission. Yet, the child she
carries is not at fault so punishment will wait until after her child
is born." She lifted her brows. "Does that settle your mind a little?"

K'don's eyes misted, and his jaw quivered. The trial would be fair, of
course, but that hardly changed the outcome. No, it only made it all
the more certain.

"Please, don't kill her," he said, his voice catching in his throat as
he forced himself not to cry. He could hardly spare a thought for
anything else but that if she died, deserving or no, he would have
killed her, and K'don could not stomach the thought of being the death
of anyone.

"Look, I'm not the sole judge here. Besides the fact that we know
she's not the person who planned the attack. I know you feel guilty
K'don but you need a little perspective... think about this... she
tried to kill me," Cyradis said finally.

K'don winced. Perhaps he might feel differently if the woman had
succeeded in taking yet another mother away from him. But she did not.
And he hated to think that she would die for having _almost_ killed
someone.

"I'm glad she didn't hurt you," he said softly, feeling all the more
guilty knowing that Cyradis thought he was soft on someone who tried
to take her life. "And I'm glad the dragonets are safe."

Why should he feel guilty knowing that he was part of bringing to
justice the perpetrator of attempts at such heinous crimes? He could
not say, but a death sentence did not feel like justice to him.

"What's..." He swallowed a lump in his throat. "What's going to happen
to her baby?"

"You look like you think we're going to kill them," her brows came
together in a puzzled look into his eyes. "Nothing is decided yet
K'don and worrying yourself sick over it isn't going to change the
outcome. Like I said, we know she wasn't the one who planned this. If
she'd tell us who sent her we could offer some mercy.' She shook her
head and took a deep breath. "And don't worry for the babe. We always
care for innocents here. you know that."

K'don's eyes went wide as Cyradis told him how he was coming across.
He shook his head vigorously.

"I would never think you would hurt a baby," he assured her. "I just
thought..." He sighed and rubbed his face. "I don't know. I don't want
her to be alone. I'm trying not to worry, but it's hard. It feels like
it's my fault if something bad happens, even though I know that's
ridiculous. I wasn't the one who tried to kill baby dragons, andâ€" and
pregnant women, and leave kids dragonless. It feels like... I
_should_ feel like a hero, but I feel like the bad guy, and I don't
know why."

"Thank you," she said to his confirmation but then she listened to the
rest of his thoughts and took a moment to process. "Why do you think
you should feel like a hero K'don?" Then another thought occurred to
her, one that caused more than a little concern. "Do you have feelings
for the girl," she asked quietly. She knew he had some maturing to do
and probably didn't realize that nothing about this whole situation
was really about him.

K'don was so taken aback by the question that he sat gobsmacked for a
moment or two, trying to process his confusion.

"F-feelings? Like, _feelings_ feelings? I don't know her. I'd never
even seen her before. At least. I don't _think_ I had."

The idea seemed entirely foreign to him.

"No, I just. I stopped her from getting away."

"Alright," she shrugged. "So you don't need to feel either good or bad
about what happened. It's all water under the bridge and the process
moves on. Many people are involved in this and we know someone was
using her to cause disruption here. That's not your fault, or her
fault, or _my_ fault." She shook her head. "We'll let the Harpers sort
it out, with the help of Lord Corowal and his people .Trust me, no one
is rushing to kill anyone." She reached out to squeeze his hand.
"Please don't take this the wrong way, but it's not about _you_"

K'don was quiet for a moment as he held Cyradis's hand. That did
sting, even if he tried not to take it the wrong way. He had come
hoping for comfort, not looking for an official response from the desk
of the Weyrwoman.

But it was unfair for him to think of it that way after he had just
begged her not to kill the woman. That was a plea to the Weyrwoman,
not to his mother. He blushed, guilty for having made such a stink
about it.

"I would like to apologize to you for, um." He tried to think of the
right words. "I asked you to change how you do your job. I didn't mean
to, but I know I should never do that. It's not fair."

While she knew it was his youth tripping him up in this situation she
could help but love his caring heart. "K'don, there is no need to apologize. I know you were asking from the kindness of your heart."

She nodded and squeezed his fingers. "I'm glad you see that I must
still do my job no matter how difficult it may be or how I may feel
about the subject of our investigation. I promise you I will try to be
fair and as lenient as possible."

"I know you will be," said K'don. He could never doubt it. Cyradis had
always been fair. For a moment, he wondered about asking if he could
talk to the woman. But that was probably neither allowable nor a good
idea.

"You still want that sandwich?" he offered along with a small smile.

Cyradis' smile became very warm. "I would love a sandwich," she said.

Last updated on the July 15th 2022

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It's Not About You