My Walls Are Closing In
Dragonsfall Weyr
Amber Hills Hold
Vintner Hall
Healer Hall
Hidden Meadows
Dolphin Cove Weyr
Dolphin Hall
Emerald Falls Hold
Harper Hall
Printer Hall
Green Valley Hold
Leeward Lagoon Hold
Barrier Lake Weyr
Sunstone Seahold
Citrus Bay Hold
Writers: Curious, Devin
Date Posted: 5th March 2024
Characters: R'lor, Naradis
Description: R'lor asks Naradis what happened, and gains some understanding.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 9, day 25 of Turn 10
Notes: Mentioned: K'don, Kadira
Part of the "Everything You Say To Me" series. Follows "Give Me Reason"
Since he didn't know how long Naradis might be speaking with the
Weyrleaders, R'lor had Kularth watching to see when she returned to
the Candidate barracks. But when Kularth broke into his thoughts, it
wasn’t what R’lor was expecting. }:The Weyrleader says the young one
is not returning to the barracks. She is going to a seaside weyr.:{
R’lor closed his eyes. It was as bad as he’d thought. **Please ask if
I may visit her**.
There was a pause that felt long, but was probably only a moment. }:He
says you may come. Bring her belongings.:{
With a weary sigh, he went to the Candidate barracks and gathered
Naradis’s belongings, as many as he could fit into a carrisack, while
deflecting questions from the curious Candidates. Then he harnessed
Kularth and headed for the weyr where Naradis was being kept.
As he dismounted on the high, wind-blown ledge his heart was heavy.
“Naradis? I’ve brought your things.”
Naradis came to the ledge with an empty expression and a dead look in
her eyes. “Thanks,” she said, taking the bag. “Was that all?”
“I’d like to speak with you about what happened. I heard from K’don
that something very serious happened at Dragonsfall, but I want to
hear about it directly from you.”
"K'don, huh?" Naradis' lips twisted into an angry, bitter smile. "Nice
to see where his loyalties lie, between random dragonriders and
family." Then again, was there any point in calling him family at this
point? Or any of them? Was there any point in staying in Dolphin Cove?
Was there any point in-
“Did he tell you what Kadira did, or did he just say I’m some monster
who attacked an innocent little weyrling?” Naradis abruptly asked.
“I want you to tell me what happened. I want to understand, Naradis.”
He truly hoped there was some sort of misunderstanding, that perhaps
K'don had exaggerated. “Perhaps I can . . . try to persuade the
Weyrleaders into allowing you to become a Candidate again.”
“I haven’t been stripped of my candidacy,” Naradis said. The unspoken
word, the horrible ‘yet’, hung in the air. She refused to acknowledge
it, instead plowing on with the subject at hand. As for K’don " well,
R’lor’s refusal to answer told her all she needed to know about that
betrayal.
“You want to know what happened? Fine,” Naradis growled. "I had an
important question for the female bluerider, something that only she
could answer. She seemed upset about impressing blue and people paying
attention to her. I tried to tell her that it was a good thing, that
she had the opportunity to really do something with herself. That she
wouldn't be overshadowed or forgotten. I was trying to _help_. But she
started freaking out of _nowhere_ and she-" Naradis stared down at her
lap as her hands clenched into fists. "She started screaming at me and
calling me a colorist. She told me that I was still standing because
I was too _selfish_ to impress."
When she looked back up at R'lor, it was with a fresh sheen of angry
tears glimmering in her eyes. "How was I supposed to walk away after
that? Everyone was going to take her side anyway just because she has
a dragon, a _special_ dragon. How is it fair that she can say whatever
she wants to me, but I'm not allowed to hit back?"
R'lor took a breath. He was relieved she hadn’t been barred from
Standing, at least not yet. But the situation did sound as bad as he'd
feared. Yelling at her wasn't going to help anything, it would only
make her more upset, so he kept his tone even. "Life isn't fair,
Naradis. Kadira shouldn't have said that to you, but she's bonded to a
young dragon who can be very easily upset. In this situation you
_should_ have walked away. Because her dragon is special-- _all_
dragons are. You're weyrbred, you should know this. You must put the
dragons' welfare above your own."
"Life isn't fair," Naradis deadly repeated. The tears slipped down her
cheeks, but she didn't acknowledge them as she went on to say, "You
know, I've been dealing with 'life isn't fair' my whole life. You're
only ever going to be known for who you're related to, but oh well,
life isn't fair. You're never going to impress because of something
you can't control - get over it, life isn't fair."
Naradis paused to blink the tears out of her eyes and take in a deep,
shuddering breath before continuing, "I'm _sick_ of life isn't fair,
weyrlingmaster. If I had walked away, Kadira would have gotten away
with no consequences whatsoever. If I hurt her, _good_. I'm done
rolling over and accepting that I'm utterly worthless and have to live
with it because _life isn't fair_."
R'lor went over and put a hand on her shoulder. "You're not worthless.
Where did you get such an idea? And what makes you think you won't
Impress?" Perhaps the disappointment of Standing for turns was making
her doubt.
Naradis wasn't able to stop a sob from escaping. She desperately
fought to hold herself together, but her voice still trembled when he
said, "E-everyone knows what girls who like other girls don't impress.
Boys who like boys can get greens and blues, but girls who don't like
boys don't get _anything_. I-I tbh-thought that if a blue had... Had
impressed a girl, I might... But..."
Another sob. A choked wheeze as her throat threatened to close up.
Naradis wrapped her arms around her middle as she struggled not to
double over, before finally straightening up enough to choke out,
"Don't tell mom. O-or _anyone_."
That would explain a lot. "We don't know for sure what makes a dragon
choose a rider. Kadira is proof that we can be wrong in our
assumptions. It was supposed to be impossible for a girl to Impress
blue, and yet there she is. Maybe there are women like you who ride
green, and we simply don't know about it. Maybe they keep it quiet.
Maybe Kadira is the first of many, and a blue dragon will choose you
as well."
Naradis' grip on her middle tightened. "Can we stop talking about
Kadira?" she weakly asked. "Please?"
R'lor patted her shoulder. "All right. Let's talk about you. Have you
considered a Craft?" For one thing, she clearly needed something to
focus on. For another, he didn't know if the Weyrleaders would strip
her of Candidacy afterall .
"I want to be a rider," Naradis said without thinking, momentarily
oblivious to how it contradicted the fears she had been expressing.
"Besides, isn't it too late for me? I'll never get anywhere if I
apprentice _now_."
"It's not too late, especially at the Weyr. It's not that uncommon for
people to start a Craft later than the typical age. Riders who can no
longer fly Fall due to injury, girls and young women who are Searched
and were barred from Crafting before . . ." R'lor said. "And it
doesn't mean giving up on your determination to Impress. Before the
Pass, Candidates and riders were encouraged to take up a Craft or some
other work to support the Weyr. I'm Smith trained myself. It would
give you something positive to focus on while you wait for your dragon
to hatch. And . . ." He smiled. "It would get you out of some of your
Candidate chores."
"Can I have some time to think about it?" Naradis softly asked. She
didn't like the idea of sending the message that she was considering a
reality where she might not impress, accidental or not, but now that
she found herself standing on the edge of well and try being
nothing...
Maybe there was some weight to R'lor's words.
"Of course. You've had a difficult day. But since it seems you’ll have
a lot of time to think, I want you to write a list of Crafts that
might interest you by next sevenday. It's not a commitment, but you
should at least start thinking of possibilities."
"I can do that," Naradis said. She still sounded hoarse and tired, but
not on the verge of breaking as she had been a moment ago. "Can you go
for now?"
The Weyrlingmaster Third patted her arm. "All right. I’ll let you get
some rest." He would try to make a case for her, but he didn't think
he could persuade the Weyrleaders to let her keep Standing if they
were set on removing her from Candidacy.
Last updated on the March 9th 2024