Nothing To Say

Writers: Bree, Eimi
Date Posted: 15th May 2006

Characters: D'cal, Dyaera
Description: D'cal comes to explain to Dyaera what happened with B'vin
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 11, day 6 of Turn 3
Notes: Follows "Its All Right With Me"

D'cal paused outside Dyaera's door, his hand poised to knock. What should he say to her? How could he explain what happened? Did he even _need_ to explain? It was a Weyr, and it wasn't as if they had made any sort of promises to each other. And even if they had, it had been a flight.
Aosorath's _first_ flight. That was confusing enough. Spending his flight lust on B'vin was a bit confusing in itself, but, surprisingly, it hadn't felt nearly as wrong as his first time with a man. But what would Dyaera think? One night he spent laying with her in his arms, and then the very next day it was another man. Shards.

Well, she had to know why he didn't come to visit the day before. And it was best to be honest and open about it all. After all, she had always been honest and open with him, sometimes painfully so. It was just one more thing they would have to learn to work through.

"Dyaera, it's me," he called as he peeked his head inside the door. "Can I come in?"

There was a long enough pause that it seemed she might not be there--or might be pretending she wasn't, in any case--but a few moments later the door opened and with a little stumble she had her arms around his neck.
"Whoops... can we pretend that I'm just very happy to see you?" she asked as she pulled back a little, her cheeks slightly flushed. "I'm not very steady... but I flew this morning, D'cal! Not on Tilarth or by myself, but I got up on a dragon!" "That's... that's wonderful, Dyaera," D'cal smiled. Shards, and he missed it... "I'm sure it won't be long now before you'll be riding Tilarth."

Dyaera shook her head. "A little bit still... the riding part isn't that bad. It's the getting up and down part. I can't do it by myself and I'm pretty sure it's going to be a while until I can."

"Well, I can see if I can't help you with that sometimes," he said as he guided her back towards her sofa. "It would be nice to be able to go somewhere with you and Tilarth again."

"It would be," she agreed, sinking into the soft cushions with a relieved sigh. She had spent enough time up and about today that she was feeling exhausted, but far better than she had in days. She'd been _moving_ on her own, after all!

D'cal settled lightly next to her. How to say what he wanted to say...?
"Uh... I'm sorry I didn't come to see you yesterday. I wanted to. Truly."

Dyaera looked confused. "Then why didn't you? Were you busy?"

"Yes, in a way," D'cal nodded slowly. "I was with B'vin."

"B'vin?" Dyaera made a face. "You like him? He's always so mean to me. I don't think he likes me very much." "What?" He was surprised. As far as he could remember, he had never noticed any animosity between the two of them... "Oh, well... he and I seem to get along... really well."

His nervous tone reminded her of Tilarth's offhanded comment the morning before.. "Oh. Do you mean you were with B'vin yesterday after Aosorath chased that green?" Shards and shells but she said that so _easily_... "Uh... yeah... That's where I was. I wanted you too, you know..." he added quickly. "Its just I didn't think you could take it. Not that _you_ couldn't take it, more that your body couldn't take it. I... never wanted to hurt you."

"Oh." It would have been easy to be annoyed considering he'd had to chose _B'vin_, but she wasn't sure she could say much considering how D'cal felt about J'darin. "Well, I might not have been up to it... people aren't usually gentle after they lose a flight." "Exactly," he nodded. "I didn't want to come to you feeling... well, the way I did. I mean, I _wanted_ to come to you, but I knew it wouldn't be good for you for me to come to you like that."

Dyaera slid an arm around his waist and gave him an awkward sort of hug.
"It's all right, D'cal. Flights are just part of life in the Weyr. When I'm not hurt anymore, it would be nice to be there for you when you and Aosorath lose, but I won't always be able to. All I care is that you come back to me eventually."

"I'll always come back to you, Dyaera," he promised as he leaned over to kiss her softy. But part of himself had to secretly admit... going to B'vin had felt pretty sharding good...

Pulling back, Dyaera studied him for a moment. "So... are you okay with it?
I mean, you seemed a little... uncomfortable with the idea about being with another man." D'cal blushed slightly and looked anyway but at her face. He didn't know if he could really talk about this kind of thing with her... "Uh... I'm not sure really..." Dyaera forged onward, seemingly oblivious to his discomfort. "It's okay, you know. I don't mind talking about it with you. If you need someone to talk to." "Oh, well..." Shards, it was hard enough to _think_ about this stuff.
Saying it out loud just made it so much more... real. And he had spent the last few turns convincing himself that it _wasn't_ real. Talking about it with Dyaera would just make it seem... wrong... After all, she was the girl he cared about more than anyone in the world. How could he say that he had enjoyed making love to her, and then the next day had enjoyed screwing a man... "There's nothing to say, really. I don't remember much right after the flight."

"I think that's normal," Dyaera replied, slipping her hand into his. "I never really remember anything. I mean, it's only happened three times, but I don't really remember much from any of them." "That's good to know," he said giving her hand a squeeze. "That makes me feel a bit better." Surprisingly it did. But not about his own flight experience. It made him feel better knowing that when she as with another man, she didn't quite remember it, or have so much control of herself, just like he did. But _after_ he knew was a different story...

"You shouldn't ever feel bad about it," Dyaera said firmly. She looked up at him, her eyes serious. "And if you want to... to spend time with B'vin outside of a flight... well, you can do that, too."

"No," he said firmly. "It's _you_ I care about." "All right." She curled into his side and let her head rest against his shoulder. "It's too bad I'm so tired. I think I overdid it today." He wrapped an arm around her, glad to just be _with_ her. This felt right.
Completely right, with no grey areas. He cared about her, and he believed she cared about him - she was a woman and he was a man, and that's how is should be for him. It should be enough. And what happened with B'vin...
well, that was just dragonlust, and so that made it all right too. Didn't it? "That's okay, Dyaera. I'm pretty tired myself. We can just sit here a while."

Last updated on the May 15th 2006

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Nothing To Say