Dealing With Expectations

Writers: Sia, Steel
Date Posted: 16th December 2024

Characters: V'tian, E'tariax
Description: V’tian gets to work through some things
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 11, day 10 of Turn 11

V’tian took a deep breath, and knocked on the door. This time, at least, as well as the time before, he’d managed to tell Indith to go see Aphirith and let him do this alone, even if the green had objected at first. She’d soon forget, and besides, she did like playing with Aphirith. If she wasn’t napping.

Aphirith didn't play so much as she bullied, but the dynamic seemed to work well with a rambunctious baby and a much bigger green. She'd already batted one brown weyrling who was trying to play too rough, and he didn't seem to be any worse for the wear for it.

"Come on in." E'tariax called from inside. The humidity agitated his knee and even though the brace was on, he preferred to keep it propped up during his craft rotation. "How are you doing, V'tian?"

“I'm…. All right.” V'tian responded. “Training has been a lot, and of course our dragons seem bigger every day.” He adds. “... How are you, sir?”

"Just fine, thank you." E'tariax said pleasantly. "Tell me about training. What's been hard? It's been twenty-six turns since I've gone through it myself."

“It’s a lot of memorization. Spending time getting stronger, and more time with In-- with our dragons.” V’tian responded. “And then it’s feeding them and washing them and oiling them and feeding them again, and then cleaning up after them, and starting again.” He shook his head. “Every day she seems bigger.”

"She's a growing girl. I remember thinking I could watch Aphirith grow bigger as she slept." E'tariax said with a chuckle. "How is Indith doing?"

“She's all right.” V'tian responded. “She still sleeps a lot. I've been working on memorizing all the hand signals riders will need too.”

"Sounds like you're doing well." E'tariax said. "Have you been thinking about what we talked about at your last visit?"

“I have.” V'tian replied, once more, though he’s not quite looking at the older rider. “I just… We won’t ever be anything important like a Weyrleader, even a _Wingleader_, probably.” He added, and looked frustrated. “Maybe we could be a Searchrider pair if Indith is good enough, but what Hold is going to want a male _greenrider_ showing up and giving kids ideas?”

"All holds must accept Search, regardless of dragon color." E'tariax said mildly, "Aphirith Searched a few kids in your class, you know. Do you know how many men become Wingleader?"

“Yeah. Anywhere from seven to ten, per Weyr, depending on strength. And they’re all bronze and brown riders.” V’tian retorted. “And just cause they accept it doesn’t mean they have to _like_ it.” he added. “I wanted… I wanted to be someone _important_ someday. And I got _Indith_.” Abruptly he scowled. “And yes. I know all dragonriders are important, before you tell me that. I just… I thought that I…” He trailed off.

"Seven to ten, per Weyr." E'tariax repeated with a nod. "Some remain in their positions for a long time. Some Wings cycle through Wingleaders every few turns, between burnout or injuries or a new Weyrleader reassigning the Wings. Seven to ten, out of five hundred or a thousand dragonriders at a Weyr. And I don't want to belittle you, son, when I say this- have you ever thought this way about becoming a Lord Holder, or a Hallmaster?"

“... No.” V'tian responded. “And I couldn't be a Lord Holder anyway, I don't have the bloodline.”

He paused.

“And I never thought about being a Hallmaster either.”

"So where does the dream about becoming a Wingleader -- or a Weyrleader-- come from?"

“... They’re the most important, aren’t they?” V’tian asked, after a beat. “They can tell even Lord Holders what to do. I.. Back when I was at ho- the _cothold_, all that was ever important was the fingerroot harvest, or maybe my oldest brother. I was going to be more important than _either_ of them, Da or my dumb brother.”

"They are." E'tariax agreed. "But remember that it still takes turns of work to be able to become good enough to become one. Just as long as it takes to go from Journeyman to Master. Weyrleader is even harder, since entry only requires the dragon. A barely Blooded Weyrleader is a poor leader."

“Even if I worked for Turns and Turns, I'd never be Weyr or Wingleader though.” V'tian pointed out. “I could start training _today_ and it would never matter. _I_ wou-- Because my Indith is _green_.”

"Indith will never be bronze and I will never have a Lord Holder's bloodline." E'tariax said with a shrug. "It's something about us that we can't change. Tell me if I'm wrong: you said you know that all dragonriders are important. Reinforcing that Indith is _only_ a green is reminding yourself that you don't matter, which is wrong too."

V'tian just stared at him, for a long moment. “But…” he started, then trailed off.

“Greenriders might be… better than non-riders, but they- we… that's… that doesn't balance against what the bigger dragons do. And they. They _fly_.”

"They fly differently." E'tariax agreed, pretending not to hear the innuendo for a moment. "Greens are faster and more agile. I am biased, but I'd much rather be flying with Aphirith than I would with any massive bronze or brown. Wait until you see how slowly they fly." He paused for a moment, considering. "And don't discount Indith _flying_; the logistics aren't my inclination, but the rush of flying so closely with Aphirith is well worth it.”

“I… I _guess_.” V'tian sighed. “I can't do _anything_ with her. All she wants, still, is just sleeping and eating and questions.”

He hesitated. “The lessons did say that greens are the fastest. But… they can't go for too long.”

"It depends on the green and what they're doing, but yes. They're doing a lot more in the air than the bigger dragons in Threadfall, but they fly sweeps all day with the rest of them. R'lor will talk about it more when Indith gets bigger."

“So… if they get short breaks, they can last _longer_ than a bronze?” V'tian asked, uncertain, though he tried not to let it show. “Of course I'm working hard, and I'll make sure my dragon does too.” He added. “I won't let us fall behind or look dumb.”

"There's no such thing as looking dumb. I just mean that greens are kind of like humans. If you sprint and run as fast as you can, you aren't going to manage to run as long as a runner going cross country. Threadfall is like a sprint. Sweeps are like endurance. Bronzes and most browns can't sprint, and that's why greens and blues are so important in Threadfall."

V’tian frowned, but nodded. “I… _guess_.” He conceded. “But that’s why there’s so many. Because they’re small and don’t last long.” He shook his head. “I..I don’t _mean_ to feel like this, I just…” He stopped, trailed off, before he rallied. “I can’t help but feel what Indith does, and I just… it’s not _fair_.”

"There's so many because we need that flexibility in the Wings, and we can't push them so hard they fall out of the sky. They fly harder in that time in the air than any bronze or brown. You'll see, once Indith is in the air and you're flying circles around your classmates. But I do think it's important that you think about _why_ you're feeling like this."

“Not me. Her. Or… well… both of us.” V’tian slumped a little bit. “She feels bad, then I feel bad, and then we both feel bad.”

"Why does she feel bad?"

“... Because…” V’tian started, stopped. “Because she thinks… she thinks I don't like her and then she gets more pushy, and….” He sighed.

"Do you not like her?" E'tariax asked.

V’tian _flinched_. “She's mine. The only dragon I'll ever get. I don't… I don't _not_ like her. I belong in the Weyr now.”

_Because of her_.

"You do." E'tariax agreed. "Impression can bring complicated feelings. That's why we're here. How can you show Indith that you do like her? And how can you show yourself?"

“I… could study more, maybe?” He asked. “And try to pay more attention when she's talking at me?” V'tian sighed. “I _know_ she likes me, I do, but it's not like she can help that. I just… I just wanted to be _important_. And greens… green _riders_ just… aren't. Not usually. No offense, sir.” He added hastily.

"I can't be Weyrleader any more than I can be a Lord Holder, but that doesn't make me any less important." E'tariax said mildly. "She's talking _to_ you, son, not _at_ you. Talk with her. She's learning everything from you."

V'tian nodded, slowly. “I guess… I guess it's not _her_ fault she chose me. I must have said or thought something. Or… done something.”

"Nobody actually knows what the dragons want. I'm not sure if they know. It's a big decision to make right after being born." E'tariax said. "She saw something in you that she liked. That something is a secret to us."

“... Huh.” V'tian said, after a moment. “I mean… I don't _not_ like her… I just thought… well. I told you what I thought. Having Indith… it means I'm _not_ going to be able to do the things I thought I could. Ever.”

A long, long pause. “... Maybe there's _other_ things greens can do… only greens?”

"There you go." E'tariax said, "Why don't you go over your notes for class and try to find the answer. And listen, really listen, to what your weyrlingmasters are telling you. We can talk about what you learn in subsequent visits."

“Yes sir.” V’tian responded, and rose to leave, a slight frown on his face. He had a lot of things to think over.

Last updated on the December 24th 2024

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Dealing With Expectations