I Didn't Think I Could

Writers: Halyonix, Devin
Date Posted: 27th April 2025
Series: Bronze and Blue Entwined

Characters: I'serin, K'mai
Description: I’serin arranges a surprise picnic and K’mai has something important to tell him.
Location: Elsewhere on Pern
Date: month 6, day 5 of Turn 12
Notes: Mentioned: H’run, L’keri, E’tariax

I'serin

K'mai

I'serin rubbed his forehead. A headache was threatening and honestly,
he wanted to do nothing that involved solving the Weyr's problems that
day.

}: So why do it? :{ Aluneth interjected. The question baffled I'serin
so much that he stopped whatever he was doing to look over at his
lifemate for elaboration. }: Is there nothing on your schedule that
you can clear? Or delay for another day? :{ I'serin looked down as his
notes. If he...well, Aluneth was on to something. With a little
jostling, he could clear the rest of the afternoon.

As his stylus scribbled and Aluneth relayed requests, I'serin felt a
flutter of excitement. A dozen possibilities on how to spend the
afternoon lay before him. As a plan formed in his mind, he asked,
**Ask Sebeth what they are doing this afternoon.**

K'mai was thrilled to get the message. He didn't have anything
important but honestly he would have dumped anything to spend time
with I'serin. Sebeth rumbled in amusement and told Aluneth, }:Our
schedule is open.:{

**Fortuitous,** I'serin remarked with a shy smile that no one saw.
**We shall relay coordinates shortly.** The Weyrleader moved with
haste now. Within a quarter of an hour, he had gathered supplies
enough to disappear comfortably from the Weyr, though, if his memory
served him well enough, where they were going would augment what he
had. After a quick check of Aluneth's straps, they were plowing
towards the clouds, bellowing a greeting to the watchrider before
disappearing from view.

While not as extravagant as what K'mai had laid out a sevenday or two
prior, what I'serin had managed would be plenty enough: a cliffside
view of the ocean, perfect for diving into later, with a basket
pinning down a blanket to keep the wind from stealing it away. Aluneth
moved to block most of the wind while I'serin shed jacket and gloves,
waiting for K'mai to arrive.

It didn't take long for the blue pair to arrive, K'mai grinning as he
saw the blanket laid out far below. Sebeth called a greeting to the
bronze and spiraled down to land. "A picnic?" K'mai said as he
dismounted.

The left side of I'serin's mouth quirked in a smile. "Not as lavish as
the one you did but..." He rolled a shoulder in a sort of shrug. His
eyes looked up at the clear sky. "I wanted to spend the day away from
the Weyr." His gaze went to K'mai. "I...hoped that you would also want
to." The unspoken part of that sentence -- "with me" -- lodged in
I'serin's throat.

Even just that tiny smile was . . . **Sunlight,** K'mai thought, his
heart beating faster. "I always want to spend time with you." He
smiled and pulled I'serin into a kiss. As always, there was a brief
flash of hesitancy from the bronzerider before he sank into that kiss.

I'serin threaded his fingers into K'mai's hair and kissed him back
with rising hunger. This was not what he had in mind when he planned
to escape the Weyr but now that he was here with K'mai, letting those
kisses take them on a journey sounded like the best way to start the
afternoon. His fingers slid down, played with the edge of K'mai's
shirt before slipping under to touch skin.

K'mai responded eagerly, moaning into I'serin's mouth and gripping his
ass. "Do what you want to me," K'mai said in a low voice.

A dozen ideas jockeyed for first place in the bronzerider's mind until
one took the lead. "Lay down," he said in between kisses. He wiggled
out of his shirt while K'mai did so.

K'mai's eyes widened and he stripped off his own shirt. I'serin
actually knew what he wanted? Lying on his back, he looked up at the
bronzerider with eager anticipation.

I'serin knelt over him. His fingers caught the ties of K'mai's pants.
His breathing sped up as he untied them, his eyes focused on what he
was about to enjoy.

~*~fade to black~*~

K'mai smiled between kisses, warm and sated and happy. Sunlight in his
heart. Sunlight everywhere. He needed to tell I'serin, needed the
bronzerider to know. But a little chill of fear crept in. What if it
scared I'serin? What if it ruined what they had the way romantic
feelings had damaged some of his other relationships? But he couldn't
hold this in. "I'serin? I . . . need to tell you something."

The bronzerider, who had collapsed against K'mai's side to cuddle
while floating, made a small humming sound. "Mm?"

K'mai's heart had been slowing, but now it started pounding again.
"I--I'm not saying this because I expect anything from you. I just . .
. need you to know, okay? Because I want to be honest with you, and
because it's what I feel, and I don't want to hide it and . . .
shards, why is this so hard?" He was shaking slightly.

Something in that tone, in the way K'mai was acting brushed away the
blissful haze. The arm that was lightly cuddling K'mai now tightened
slightly in comfort as I'serin raised himself up a little. "K'mai," he
prompted gently.

K'mai gave him a shy, fragile smile and brought a hand up to caress
I'serin's cheek with his thumb. Today every time he looked at I'serin
made him more and more sure, and looking at the bronzerider's face now
gave him enough courage to speak. "I'serin, I'm in love with you."

I'serin let out a huff of disbelieving laughter. "K'mai, is this...a
joke? In all of the Turns that I have known you, you have never been
in love." Questions began burbling up within the bronzerider: What had
changed? Why had K'mai never fallen in love with any of his more
frequent lovers? Why I'serin? And what did that mean for...them?

"I never have. I didn't think I _could_, but you . . ." K'mai's smile
was much warmer now and he laughed lightly. "It's wonderful and
amazing that at thirty-four Turns old, I can even surprise _myself_."

While K'mai thought this was a wonderful revelation, I'serin, in the
other hand, had...questions. "How...do you know? That you are in
love?"

"It wasn't easy to figure out, since I can't talk to anybody about
it." Guilt flared as K'mai realized he hadn't mentioned this before.
"So, uh, I _swear_ I didn't say anything but H'run and L'keri guessed
that I'm in love with you. They think it's just _me_, that I'm pining
after a bronzerider with no hope for anything like that between us."

I'serin stilled. He swallowed against the instinctive panic that shot
through him when K'mai said that H'run and L'keri had guessed. "And
you...have lied? To them?"

"Definitely. I mean, I didn't think I was lying about the romance
thing at the time, but . . . " K'mai cupped his cheek. "I will protect
your secret, I'serin. I promise. No matter who I have to lie to or how
much."

It should have comforted I'serin to hear that. It smoothed away some
of the panic but there remained still a nagging question of how K'mai
knew that he was in love. Not because I'serin completely disbelieved
him for K'mai had always been so certain of himself. At least in
I'serin's eyes. No, the confusion lay, as usual, within I'serin, who
had never experienced what K'mai was professing.

He had a lot to unpack about why that was. Perhaps a discussion with
E'tariax as well.

With a pensive expression on his face, I'serin leaned forward to kiss
K'mai gently. He did not know if what he was about to say would be
helpful or harmful but it was the truest words he could offer. "I care
deeply for you. Know that."

"I know." K'mai smoothed a hand through the bronzerider's hair. "Like
I said, I don't expect anything from you. I've been on the other side
of this and it's _awful_ when you think they expect you to say it
back, and you try to make yourself feel something you just _don't_. I
realized something about my feelings, but the rest of what we have can
stay the same." Sure, it would be wonderful if I'serin loved him, too.
Maybe that would happen someday, maybe it wouldn't. As long as they
could keep spending time together like this, as long as I'serin cared
about him in some way, that was all that mattered.

I'serin leaned his forehead against K'mai's shoulder as the bluerider
played with his hair. "Lavish getaways to deserted places?" he
quipped, aiming for light but wondering if his voice just sounded weak
instead. They certainly did more than just those things together. He
should not diminish it so.

"Yes." K'mai laughed softly. "And amazing sex, and lunch in your
office, and getting each other gifts." He kept gently stroking
I'serin's hair, thinking of the book subscription and the day they'd
gone to the bookstore. "This is ridiculous, I know, but I actually
figured things out by reading romances."

The bronzerider drew back just enough so that K'mai could see his
disbelieving, amused expression. "Truly? A book taught you something?"
he joked. But he smiled.

K'mai grinned. "I knew you'd enjoy that. I usually just read the sex
scenes, but I went through to look for the emotional stuff, to see if
any of it sounded right. And some of it did. I'm sure it's a little
different for everybody, but the things that rang true were feeling
that someone is necessary to your life, and you want to be necessary
to them. And that it feels like a hook and a line are attached to your
heart, that always pulls you toward the other person." K'mai reached
up to caress I'serin's face. "But the thing that felt most true to me
was that the person smiling at you feels like a shaft of sunlight in
your chest. That's what it's like when we make each other come, or you
say my name, or when you smile at me. You feel like sunlight inside
me."

In answer, I'serin dropped his forehead back to K'mai's shoulder as
his arm tightened around the bluerider. Certainly he felt some of
those things towards K'mai but had never given them much thought. Nor
lumped them under the category of love. It certainly did not feel like
any of the Harper tales. No, it felt more like the comfortable weight
of history, the knowledge that K'mai was there. "You...are necessary
to me," he said quietly, which was about as close to using the L word
as he could accurately articulate.

The words rang through K'mai and he let out a soft, shocked gasp. He'd
imagined how he would feel if I'serin said that to him, but hearing it
in reality was . . . overwhelming in the best way. He turned and
lifted I'serin's head, pulling him in for a fierce kiss. The
bronzerider responded ardently.

"Perhaps," he murmured in between kisses, "we should clean up and eat.
There is a lovely cliff to dive from nearby..."

K'mai chuckled. "That does sound good, and we should enjoy the picnic
you set up for us." His eyes were full of adoration as he looked up at
I'serin. Necessary. He was necessary. "I'm going to absolutely ravish
you later."

To that, the Weyrleader of Dragonsfall Weyr chuckled. "Very well."

Last updated on the May 27th 2025

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I Didn't Think I Could